so i promised this a long time ago, but i didn't ever get around to it, sorry.
i'm not very motivated this quarter. i think i wore myself out last quarter, and now i'm doing it again! none of my classes is spectacular, but none is terrible, either, which is good! so here's the run down...
development tools and practices
actually, this class is over now! it was a 2-week intensive that ended last friday. it was a class about, well, tools and practices that we can use when doing development. we had several guest lectures, including Ravi Jayakaran, the developer of the 10-Seeds Technique. 10-Seeds is a participatory poverty alleviation and development tool to gain information about a community and help the community see their needs and assets in new ways. we also talked about property rights, appreciative inquiry, micro-enterprise development, and sustainable agriculture. all in all, it was a good class. honestly, i'm a little ashamed at how little i learned the second week. i'm not sure i really could have done any better, my brain was full and i didn't get a chance to process much. i have a few papers to write as assignments for that class, and i'll see how i feel after writing the first 2 papers this afternoon. in general, i feel this class would have been more beneficial if i had already been in situations where these tools would have been helpful. as it is, i can just add it to my tool belt and hope for the best in the future. btw, the class was "taught"/organized by my favorite teacher, bryant myers. go bryant! and yes, he was in the back of the class on facebook one day. i love this guy!
community organizing
technically, i'm auditing this class, but it's a really involved audit. and i'm excited because i get to try out some of the things i learned in development tools and practices. we're working in a community in LA, the MacArthur Park/Westlake area, just west of downtown. this is a largely central american community, but there are plenty of others around. it used to be a mecca for drugs and violence, but now it's a mecca for fake IDs. mama's hot tamales has been instrumental in this change. tonight there's an event we're going to called "Tamales de la Paz", so i'm pretty excited about it!
this class has been interesting thus far... the point is basically to do research in the community and present our findings to the pastor of a church in the community, assessing its assets, needs, and opportunities for further development - spiritually, physically, economically. i'm a little overwhelmed, but i'm excited. this class is taught by michael mata, in conjunction with world vision.
culture and transformation
this class is taught by sherwood lingenfelter, who is also the provost here at fuller. he's an interesting man, and this class, in a way, is a review of how important culture is. so far, i haven't learned much new material, but i am putting it together in new ways and reviewing material and refreshing it in conjunction with my new experiences. i'm not very excited about my group project for this class, which is the assignment i'm presently putting off by writing this post. the class reading is good, though, and it gives me new frameworks and ways to describe things, which makes my organizational self happy.
teamwork and leadership
this class is co-taught by the SIS dean, Doug McConnell, and Shelley Trebesch. the first class was a little painful (boring lecture, unclear assignments), but it's gotten better. Doug is a great lecturer: engaging, realistic, and personable. i love him. the group project for this one is more to my liking. my team is GREAT, and we've decided to create a framework for a church to engage a local international community by creating an ESL Cafe. right up my alley, maybe i'll even try to implement it at my church!
so that's my quarter in a nutshell. some good stuff, some hard stuff, and some stuff i'm just not motivated for (so what's new?).
time to get to work!!!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
an interesting weekend
i'm not usually one for name-dropping, but this weekend was a good one!
saturday i was supposed to go to the beach for cameron's birthday. she is a friend from elementary school who lives in santa monica now, so i was excited to see her and meet her friends. alas, the point of going to the beach was to have a bonfire, and all the fire pits were taken by the time she arrived that afternoon, so our plans got scratched, much to my disappointment. dan was supposed to be my ride, so i still met him at the appointed hour, then invited him and a few others over for dinner before going to the screening of a film on campus. so we enjoyed some thai green curry and were on our way.
i had seen ads for the film all week: the ordinary radicals, but i wasn't sure what it was about. several friends were planning to go and trying to recruit me, so i was glad to see it with them. it's basically a documentary about shane claiborne's book tour for "Jesus for President". it's pretty much about how we, as Christians, are first and foremost citizens of the kingdom of heaven, and left and right don't matter as much. it was an interesting book to come out right before the election.
along the way, shane and his band, including his friend jamie moffett who directed the documentary, meet a bunch of cool people who do radical things. one guy read the book, and wanted to give all he had to the poor. only he didn't have much. the next day, he went on the price is right and won big (BIG!) and sold it all and went to africa to work at an orphanage. yeah, crazy (cool) stuff. there were several interviews with all sorts of people loving the poor, neglected, homeless, underserved, and marginalized in communities all over the nation. it was inspiring stuff.
in typical fuller fashion, hosting a screening of the film (the LA premiere!) included a Q&A session afterwards with jamie, the director. he had some interesting things to say and was generous to answer the audience's questions. afterwards, he announced that he would love to hang out with some of us, so he ended up at my apartment. yeah, you read that right. the crowds just kind of drifted off, so it was me and my group of friends still hanging around by the end. about 10 people came over, dan cooked some spaghetti and meatballs, and i put in a pan of brownies. we chilled a while, chatted with jamie about all sorts of things. (his favorite screening locale? toronto. his girlfriend's job? working for obama in the caribbean. yeah, i don't quite get that one, either.) sweet times, eh? i also appreciated, yet again, the international crew: norway, france and finland this time.
sunday, i went with a bunch of people to ecclesia, a church in hollywood. it meets at a big old theater, right on hollywood blvd. (we walked the length of the block of the theater on both sides, and of the hundreds of stars, i recognized 7 names, including carol burnett.) anyway, i was attending the service here (instead of my home church, oasis) because of the guest speaker that morning, donald miller. yes, the don miller that wrote Blue Like Jazz, Searching for God Knows What, and Through Painted Deserts. it was great. i loved the church service, and don was hilarious. ok, maybe not hilarious, but definitely funny and entertaining. he talked about what happened AFTER easter sunday - when Jesus appears to the disciples, and Thomas doesn't believe until he touches Jesus. don's point is we need to have faith. you can hear his message here, if you're interested.
after church, we headed over to sharky's for lunch. yummy. i just had to throw that in there for my most faithful reader. ;-) she could probably even eat there, too.
ok, thanks for listening to my bragging.
saturday i was supposed to go to the beach for cameron's birthday. she is a friend from elementary school who lives in santa monica now, so i was excited to see her and meet her friends. alas, the point of going to the beach was to have a bonfire, and all the fire pits were taken by the time she arrived that afternoon, so our plans got scratched, much to my disappointment. dan was supposed to be my ride, so i still met him at the appointed hour, then invited him and a few others over for dinner before going to the screening of a film on campus. so we enjoyed some thai green curry and were on our way.
i had seen ads for the film all week: the ordinary radicals, but i wasn't sure what it was about. several friends were planning to go and trying to recruit me, so i was glad to see it with them. it's basically a documentary about shane claiborne's book tour for "Jesus for President". it's pretty much about how we, as Christians, are first and foremost citizens of the kingdom of heaven, and left and right don't matter as much. it was an interesting book to come out right before the election.
along the way, shane and his band, including his friend jamie moffett who directed the documentary, meet a bunch of cool people who do radical things. one guy read the book, and wanted to give all he had to the poor. only he didn't have much. the next day, he went on the price is right and won big (BIG!) and sold it all and went to africa to work at an orphanage. yeah, crazy (cool) stuff. there were several interviews with all sorts of people loving the poor, neglected, homeless, underserved, and marginalized in communities all over the nation. it was inspiring stuff.
in typical fuller fashion, hosting a screening of the film (the LA premiere!) included a Q&A session afterwards with jamie, the director. he had some interesting things to say and was generous to answer the audience's questions. afterwards, he announced that he would love to hang out with some of us, so he ended up at my apartment. yeah, you read that right. the crowds just kind of drifted off, so it was me and my group of friends still hanging around by the end. about 10 people came over, dan cooked some spaghetti and meatballs, and i put in a pan of brownies. we chilled a while, chatted with jamie about all sorts of things. (his favorite screening locale? toronto. his girlfriend's job? working for obama in the caribbean. yeah, i don't quite get that one, either.) sweet times, eh? i also appreciated, yet again, the international crew: norway, france and finland this time.
sunday, i went with a bunch of people to ecclesia, a church in hollywood. it meets at a big old theater, right on hollywood blvd. (we walked the length of the block of the theater on both sides, and of the hundreds of stars, i recognized 7 names, including carol burnett.) anyway, i was attending the service here (instead of my home church, oasis) because of the guest speaker that morning, donald miller. yes, the don miller that wrote Blue Like Jazz, Searching for God Knows What, and Through Painted Deserts. it was great. i loved the church service, and don was hilarious. ok, maybe not hilarious, but definitely funny and entertaining. he talked about what happened AFTER easter sunday - when Jesus appears to the disciples, and Thomas doesn't believe until he touches Jesus. don's point is we need to have faith. you can hear his message here, if you're interested.
after church, we headed over to sharky's for lunch. yummy. i just had to throw that in there for my most faithful reader. ;-) she could probably even eat there, too.
ok, thanks for listening to my bragging.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
vulnerability
i'm not really sure where this post will go... hopefully someplace good, as i process... wish me luck! and feel free to comment.
i've been thinking about vulnerability.
it all started with class. i'm taking "culture and transformation" with sherwood lingenfelter. he wrote "ministering cross-culturally", a book i read when i was in my missions training program i did almost 4 years ago. (he was actually an influence, albeit a small one, in my decision to come to fuller.) anyway, in his class, that book is required reading, so i pulled it out and re-did the cultural values profile. dr. lingenfelter has identified 6 areas that our cultural values are on a spectrum:
time orientation vs event orientation
dichotomistic thinking vs holistic thinking
crisis orientation vs noncrisis orientation
task orientation vs person orientation
status focus vs achievement focus
concealment of vulnerability vs willingness to expose vulnerability
in terms of cross-cultural ministry, Jesus was a perfect middle of all of these traits. as people who cannot be separated from our culture, we fit somewhere in these spectra, but often our "target" culture is on the other side of the line. we need to be aware of these issues and adapt to them.
i loved reading this book, and it helps me to understand people around me. for example, a co-worker of mine back in VA is very people and event oriented. as a co-worker in an environment where tasks and efficiency in tasks is a high priority, i was completely annoyed. but once i was able to recognize that he wasn't just lazy or careless, i had a lot more patience with him and was able to see his strengths. he really made customers feel valued and at home, a skill i was overlooking in my impatience with him.
but back to vulnerability. when i read this book a few years ago, i didn't give this area much thought. i hadn't even read the chapter on vulnerability before i began to use this concept to describe (to myself) my frustration with a friend. i knew i was frustrated and hurt by this friend, but i hadn't put this label on it.
i am definitely a person who exposes my vulnerability. actually, the way the book describes it culturally, i'm more middle-of-the-road, but in friendships, i am quite vulnerable. i prefer to be open and not hide what i'm thinking or feeling, sometimes to the detriment of the situation (my face doesn't lie, what i'm thinking is always written there!). actually, when i initially took the survey, i was on the other side of the line, but a lot of that has to do with being humbled into exposing my weaknesses and sins instead of trying to hide them.
i had a blog post up a week or 2 ago that i wrote on a day i was in a particularly bad mood. i don't mine telling the world how i feel, and i had no problem posting it and being honest with my frustrations and sadness over recent circumstances. a friend here at fuller happened to come across it that day, and she admonished me to be more careful, to not reveal too much of myself on my blog. honestly, i was a bit offended, because i am usually quite aware of the publicity of whatever i post. i had been thinking earlier in the day, however, that despite the fact that i didn't feel i had done anything wrong or over the line, my post still wasn't beneficial to anyone in any way. so i took it down.
back to my friend. besides my many sins and great selfishness in my friendship with this person, i am hurt and offended by their lack of vulnerability with me. not necessarily in the ways described culturally in the book, but in my friend's personal life. i know everything couldn't have been peachy-keen with my friend, but rarely was/is it exposed. i know a lot of it has to do with personality, on both of our sides, too, that it isn't merely a cultural values issue. and again, in our conflict, i certainly acted in a sinful way that didn't help the matter at all, so perhaps my friend had no reason to trust me with any level of vulnerability.
and i do see the irony here - i'm willing to expose my friend's lack of vulnerability, but i'm not willing to expose myself with my own list of inadequacies and sins.
i think i'm just realizing how much i value vulnerability as an aspect of intimacy in a friendship. no matter where people fall on the spectrum, i do expect some level of vulnerability in friendship. i don't expect people to be that vulnerable publicly, and i advise against it in many ways, but in the way i share life with my friends, yes, i do value knowing a person's struggles and weaknesses along the way. as a Christian, i feel we owe it to one another. none of us is a lone ranger, we all have strengths and weaknesses that require help from others. this is the essence of being a member of the body of Christ.
yes, along with this vulnerability and openness comes higher risk. by knowing my weaknesses, sins, and areas of vulnerability, those i have trusted with this information can hurt me greatly. but i can also find freedom in not hiding my sins and weaknesses. when i expose them, they can be mended, healed, and others can help pick up the slack.
i realize that both willingness to expose my vulnerabilities as well as concealment of my vulnerabilities can be self-serving and sinful. there is wisdom in both, and a time for both. i don't deny that.
on the other hand, i want to learn to care for my friends's vulnerabilities better. i want to protect them, care for them, and certainly not abuse them. i respect my friends greatly who have chosen to open up to me and share intimate things with me. i am honored to have a position in their lives that allows me to know these things. i am delighted that they trust me, and i need to learn to do a better job of guarding that trust. there have been occasions that people have told me things in confidence and i didn't realize that it wasn't common knowledge, so i repeated it elsewhere.
for example, a group i am in for class had a lively conversation one day about relationships across cultures. one group member wasn't there, so the next time we got together, we recounted a few highlights of our conversation to the missing member. but one of the group members that was there the first time wasn't there the second time was offended that we had repeated a few of the things we had said. i don't think this person was particularly offended, and we certainly didn't recount any of the specifics of what they had said, but rather the overall tone of the conversation and personal dynamics of the conversation. it's things like that that i want to be more aware and careful of. we are all in the same group, and i think we would have had the exact same conversation if the last group member were there to begin with, but still, i just want to guard the privacy of my friends in better ways.
i want to be known as a trustworthy person, with integrity and conscientiousness. i want to guard the privacy of friends and be a "safe" person with home they can be honest, open, and vulnerable with, because i value this trait in a friendship highly.
that said, i hope i haven't been too open with this post. i hope i haven't exposed situations or identities that needed to be protected... hmmm, still working on that one, i suppose...
i've been thinking about vulnerability.
it all started with class. i'm taking "culture and transformation" with sherwood lingenfelter. he wrote "ministering cross-culturally", a book i read when i was in my missions training program i did almost 4 years ago. (he was actually an influence, albeit a small one, in my decision to come to fuller.) anyway, in his class, that book is required reading, so i pulled it out and re-did the cultural values profile. dr. lingenfelter has identified 6 areas that our cultural values are on a spectrum:
time orientation vs event orientation
dichotomistic thinking vs holistic thinking
crisis orientation vs noncrisis orientation
task orientation vs person orientation
status focus vs achievement focus
concealment of vulnerability vs willingness to expose vulnerability
in terms of cross-cultural ministry, Jesus was a perfect middle of all of these traits. as people who cannot be separated from our culture, we fit somewhere in these spectra, but often our "target" culture is on the other side of the line. we need to be aware of these issues and adapt to them.
i loved reading this book, and it helps me to understand people around me. for example, a co-worker of mine back in VA is very people and event oriented. as a co-worker in an environment where tasks and efficiency in tasks is a high priority, i was completely annoyed. but once i was able to recognize that he wasn't just lazy or careless, i had a lot more patience with him and was able to see his strengths. he really made customers feel valued and at home, a skill i was overlooking in my impatience with him.
but back to vulnerability. when i read this book a few years ago, i didn't give this area much thought. i hadn't even read the chapter on vulnerability before i began to use this concept to describe (to myself) my frustration with a friend. i knew i was frustrated and hurt by this friend, but i hadn't put this label on it.
i am definitely a person who exposes my vulnerability. actually, the way the book describes it culturally, i'm more middle-of-the-road, but in friendships, i am quite vulnerable. i prefer to be open and not hide what i'm thinking or feeling, sometimes to the detriment of the situation (my face doesn't lie, what i'm thinking is always written there!). actually, when i initially took the survey, i was on the other side of the line, but a lot of that has to do with being humbled into exposing my weaknesses and sins instead of trying to hide them.
i had a blog post up a week or 2 ago that i wrote on a day i was in a particularly bad mood. i don't mine telling the world how i feel, and i had no problem posting it and being honest with my frustrations and sadness over recent circumstances. a friend here at fuller happened to come across it that day, and she admonished me to be more careful, to not reveal too much of myself on my blog. honestly, i was a bit offended, because i am usually quite aware of the publicity of whatever i post. i had been thinking earlier in the day, however, that despite the fact that i didn't feel i had done anything wrong or over the line, my post still wasn't beneficial to anyone in any way. so i took it down.
back to my friend. besides my many sins and great selfishness in my friendship with this person, i am hurt and offended by their lack of vulnerability with me. not necessarily in the ways described culturally in the book, but in my friend's personal life. i know everything couldn't have been peachy-keen with my friend, but rarely was/is it exposed. i know a lot of it has to do with personality, on both of our sides, too, that it isn't merely a cultural values issue. and again, in our conflict, i certainly acted in a sinful way that didn't help the matter at all, so perhaps my friend had no reason to trust me with any level of vulnerability.
and i do see the irony here - i'm willing to expose my friend's lack of vulnerability, but i'm not willing to expose myself with my own list of inadequacies and sins.
i think i'm just realizing how much i value vulnerability as an aspect of intimacy in a friendship. no matter where people fall on the spectrum, i do expect some level of vulnerability in friendship. i don't expect people to be that vulnerable publicly, and i advise against it in many ways, but in the way i share life with my friends, yes, i do value knowing a person's struggles and weaknesses along the way. as a Christian, i feel we owe it to one another. none of us is a lone ranger, we all have strengths and weaknesses that require help from others. this is the essence of being a member of the body of Christ.
yes, along with this vulnerability and openness comes higher risk. by knowing my weaknesses, sins, and areas of vulnerability, those i have trusted with this information can hurt me greatly. but i can also find freedom in not hiding my sins and weaknesses. when i expose them, they can be mended, healed, and others can help pick up the slack.
i realize that both willingness to expose my vulnerabilities as well as concealment of my vulnerabilities can be self-serving and sinful. there is wisdom in both, and a time for both. i don't deny that.
on the other hand, i want to learn to care for my friends's vulnerabilities better. i want to protect them, care for them, and certainly not abuse them. i respect my friends greatly who have chosen to open up to me and share intimate things with me. i am honored to have a position in their lives that allows me to know these things. i am delighted that they trust me, and i need to learn to do a better job of guarding that trust. there have been occasions that people have told me things in confidence and i didn't realize that it wasn't common knowledge, so i repeated it elsewhere.
for example, a group i am in for class had a lively conversation one day about relationships across cultures. one group member wasn't there, so the next time we got together, we recounted a few highlights of our conversation to the missing member. but one of the group members that was there the first time wasn't there the second time was offended that we had repeated a few of the things we had said. i don't think this person was particularly offended, and we certainly didn't recount any of the specifics of what they had said, but rather the overall tone of the conversation and personal dynamics of the conversation. it's things like that that i want to be more aware and careful of. we are all in the same group, and i think we would have had the exact same conversation if the last group member were there to begin with, but still, i just want to guard the privacy of my friends in better ways.
i want to be known as a trustworthy person, with integrity and conscientiousness. i want to guard the privacy of friends and be a "safe" person with home they can be honest, open, and vulnerable with, because i value this trait in a friendship highly.
that said, i hope i haven't been too open with this post. i hope i haven't exposed situations or identities that needed to be protected... hmmm, still working on that one, i suppose...
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
do you trust me?
curry makes everything better. *sigh*
it's finally caught up to me. what? everything. i'm tired, from the inside out. i've definitely been getting enough sleep, but i'm exhausted almost constantly. granted, i do enough to wear me out well, but all the change....
i hung out last night with some friends from a group i was in last quarter, and it was bittersweet. it was SO nice to be around people that i don't have to get to know all over again, who know me. not that we're all best friends, but i don't have to constantly explain myself around them. it was nice to just relax a bit and let my guard down.
at the same time, i feel like a different person than i was then. and that's a good thing. i'm SO thankful that i'm not the same person i was then, that i'm not dealing with the things now that i was then. SO glad. so it was a good thing, a good time with good people.
we FINALLY have a manager at work! but i have to be on my best behavior and present myself well. i've been afraid it would be like jim in "the office" recently - being misunderstood by the new boss and not looking good. i know i'm a good worker, but i also know my relational IQ is lower than average, so i have to constantly backtrack and explain myself. i don't mean to sound the way things come out sometimes, and it's exhausting to constantly have to have my guard up.
the new manager will be fine, i'm sure. so far so, good. she's nice, even if making the schedule will be tough for a while. that will come easier as she does it every week and gets to know us, i'm sure.
but i still don't trust new people, especially those in authority. so it's going to be interesting.
i've been wanting to watch the "Ocean's" trilogy for a while, particularly 12, i think.
with a new quarter comes new group work. which is exhausting. it's going to be stretching, for sure, but good.
i went down to pico union last night for andy's birthday carne asada cookout. YUMMY. it was really fun to see his neighborhood and his housemates and church friends. it's pretty cool down there. and thanks to kyle and lahela, who let me borrow their car! and kevin kept me company on the drive down there, good times.
i've had a hard time relating to another guy at work. i think i need to talk to him, but i'll wait until i'm not mad at him anymore. i think that would be smart.
there's more transitions, but i don't want to ruin the surprises for friends that are involved. and it's tough for me... i don't like change when things are fine the way they are, and i don't like it when it seems unnecessary or affects me negatively. but life IS change... i guess i'd better get used to that. even though it sucks sometimes. i'm so selfish!
we'll see where the quarter goes from here...
so the question God whispers in my ear, from one season to the next (whether i like it or not), is "do you trust Me?"
and yet again, i think i do, but i'm not sure.
it's finally caught up to me. what? everything. i'm tired, from the inside out. i've definitely been getting enough sleep, but i'm exhausted almost constantly. granted, i do enough to wear me out well, but all the change....
i hung out last night with some friends from a group i was in last quarter, and it was bittersweet. it was SO nice to be around people that i don't have to get to know all over again, who know me. not that we're all best friends, but i don't have to constantly explain myself around them. it was nice to just relax a bit and let my guard down.
at the same time, i feel like a different person than i was then. and that's a good thing. i'm SO thankful that i'm not the same person i was then, that i'm not dealing with the things now that i was then. SO glad. so it was a good thing, a good time with good people.
we FINALLY have a manager at work! but i have to be on my best behavior and present myself well. i've been afraid it would be like jim in "the office" recently - being misunderstood by the new boss and not looking good. i know i'm a good worker, but i also know my relational IQ is lower than average, so i have to constantly backtrack and explain myself. i don't mean to sound the way things come out sometimes, and it's exhausting to constantly have to have my guard up.
the new manager will be fine, i'm sure. so far so, good. she's nice, even if making the schedule will be tough for a while. that will come easier as she does it every week and gets to know us, i'm sure.
but i still don't trust new people, especially those in authority. so it's going to be interesting.
i've been wanting to watch the "Ocean's" trilogy for a while, particularly 12, i think.
with a new quarter comes new group work. which is exhausting. it's going to be stretching, for sure, but good.
i went down to pico union last night for andy's birthday carne asada cookout. YUMMY. it was really fun to see his neighborhood and his housemates and church friends. it's pretty cool down there. and thanks to kyle and lahela, who let me borrow their car! and kevin kept me company on the drive down there, good times.
i've had a hard time relating to another guy at work. i think i need to talk to him, but i'll wait until i'm not mad at him anymore. i think that would be smart.
there's more transitions, but i don't want to ruin the surprises for friends that are involved. and it's tough for me... i don't like change when things are fine the way they are, and i don't like it when it seems unnecessary or affects me negatively. but life IS change... i guess i'd better get used to that. even though it sucks sometimes. i'm so selfish!
we'll see where the quarter goes from here...
so the question God whispers in my ear, from one season to the next (whether i like it or not), is "do you trust Me?"
and yet again, i think i do, but i'm not sure.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
soundtrack of my life
so for a paper last quarter (my spiritual autobiography), i went the route of telling the story to the soundtrack of my life. and some might find it interesting, so i wanted to post a brief recap of the songs and a note about each one. this is what i ended up with so i could coherently tell my story, if it were a movie (or my paper could have been longer), there would be a few changes. some of these songs meant a lot to me at one point, some were (and still are) favorites, some just were in the background a lot during a season of my life. it isn't necessarily a good sampling of my favorite songs or genres, but the songs are important. enjoy.
1. In the Light * dcTalk - this was one of my favorite songs in middle school. the lyrics are still powerful.
2. Lord, I Give You My Heart * Teen Mania Ministries - because of this song, i actually thought about what it might look like to live my life "for God" for the first time.
3. Psalm 145 * Shane Barnard and Shane Everett - i got the "Psalms" album right when i first moved to oklahoma for college. i loved this album, and psalm 145 was my favorite track on it, and it still is a favorite song. hmmm, i should put it on right now!
4. You Are So Good To Me * Waterdeep - this song was the theme of my spring semester, freshman year. God really proved His goodness and faithfulness to me over and over again. it was in preparation for the following summer in turkey, but i didn't know it at that point.
5. Psalm 126 (You Have Done Great Things) * Charlie Hall - this was another anthem of God's faithfulness to me.
6. Gideon (Valley/Victory) * Jason Upton - this song describes my summer in turkey, minus the looking to God part, which He later taught me a bit more about. "I don't have all the answers, i don't even have a few."
7. Oh Lord Most High * Vineyard - a worship song from church that represents coming to the end of myself and submission to God. (thru ever kind of trial i face, form wisdom in my heart, by Your grace...)
8. Worth It All * Rita Springer - another song of surrender and submission for my stubborn heart and soul.
9. Rescue * Desperation Band - a song of my rocky trust in God, wanting to really follow Him as i rebuilt my faith and continued in school at OU.
10. The Scientist * Coldplay - a great song that represents all the good "secular" music i was introduced to in australia, the first time i was outside of "the Christian bubble".
11. This Love * Maroon 5 - was played on the radio every time i listened to it for a few weeks while i was in australia, particularly when i was traveling in the north with my sister.
12. The Answer * Shane and Shane - the lyrics represent the lesson of my time in australia - a distilling of what Christianity means to me - loving God and loving others.
13. Invade * Watermark - after a time of wandering, wondering if i really needed God or not, this song brought me back to my knees. don't ask me how or why, but it literally did. amanda played this album a lot when i lived with her.
14. Not A God (You Are God Alone) * Billy and Cindy Foote - another one Amanda played a lot, a song of worship and awe.
15. Livin' On A Prayer * Bon Jovi - the theme song of my last semester of college: just get me out of here!
16. There's Only One (Holy One) * Caedmon's Call - the chorus was the foundation i needed for my 5 months in "boot camp". it seems to be the truth that will keep me motivated on the mission field (and in the rest of life!).
17. Out of My Hands * The Turning - i hit bottom when i finished boot camp and ended up back in VA. the humility and rawness of this song was exactly where i was, but i was unwilling to look through eyes of faith.
18. Become * Goo Goo Dolls - a song that spoke to my heart when i was in europe, being rebuilt solely by the love of Christ.
19. Twentysomething * Jamie Cullum - the lyrics. need i say more? the story of my life, minus the bar fights.
20. Undeniable * Mat Kearney - a song of worship and praise
21. Sweetly Broken * Jeremy Riddle - the conclusion i've come to: at the cross, i am on my knees, sweetly broken, surrendered in love. it is here that LIFE is found.
22. Alegria * Salvador - a fun song that the girls danced to when we were in Nicaragua.
23. Desde Mi Interior * Hillsong United - i learned this song for nicaragua, and i loved the lyrics - i give You the control, justice and love culminating in sheer worship.
24. Verbalize * Shelley Moore Band - a fun song that i like the lyrics to, again (i can't describe Your love, i can't verbalize Your grace).
25. The Stand * Hillsong United - after arriving at fuller, i experienced God's goodness again (i'll stand, my soul, Lord, surrendered...).
26. Lead Me To the Cross * Hillsong United - another worship song from my church of surrender and worship.
27. From the Inside Out * Hillsong United - the english version of the one i loved in nicaragua. (let justice and praise become my embrace.)
28. Healer * Hillsong - a song of faith in God's character.
29. You Never Let Go * Matt Redman - a song of hope for the future, knowing that He never lets go, and never will.
1. In the Light * dcTalk - this was one of my favorite songs in middle school. the lyrics are still powerful.
2. Lord, I Give You My Heart * Teen Mania Ministries - because of this song, i actually thought about what it might look like to live my life "for God" for the first time.
3. Psalm 145 * Shane Barnard and Shane Everett - i got the "Psalms" album right when i first moved to oklahoma for college. i loved this album, and psalm 145 was my favorite track on it, and it still is a favorite song. hmmm, i should put it on right now!
4. You Are So Good To Me * Waterdeep - this song was the theme of my spring semester, freshman year. God really proved His goodness and faithfulness to me over and over again. it was in preparation for the following summer in turkey, but i didn't know it at that point.
5. Psalm 126 (You Have Done Great Things) * Charlie Hall - this was another anthem of God's faithfulness to me.
6. Gideon (Valley/Victory) * Jason Upton - this song describes my summer in turkey, minus the looking to God part, which He later taught me a bit more about. "I don't have all the answers, i don't even have a few."
7. Oh Lord Most High * Vineyard - a worship song from church that represents coming to the end of myself and submission to God. (thru ever kind of trial i face, form wisdom in my heart, by Your grace...)
8. Worth It All * Rita Springer - another song of surrender and submission for my stubborn heart and soul.
9. Rescue * Desperation Band - a song of my rocky trust in God, wanting to really follow Him as i rebuilt my faith and continued in school at OU.
10. The Scientist * Coldplay - a great song that represents all the good "secular" music i was introduced to in australia, the first time i was outside of "the Christian bubble".
11. This Love * Maroon 5 - was played on the radio every time i listened to it for a few weeks while i was in australia, particularly when i was traveling in the north with my sister.
12. The Answer * Shane and Shane - the lyrics represent the lesson of my time in australia - a distilling of what Christianity means to me - loving God and loving others.
13. Invade * Watermark - after a time of wandering, wondering if i really needed God or not, this song brought me back to my knees. don't ask me how or why, but it literally did. amanda played this album a lot when i lived with her.
14. Not A God (You Are God Alone) * Billy and Cindy Foote - another one Amanda played a lot, a song of worship and awe.
15. Livin' On A Prayer * Bon Jovi - the theme song of my last semester of college: just get me out of here!
16. There's Only One (Holy One) * Caedmon's Call - the chorus was the foundation i needed for my 5 months in "boot camp". it seems to be the truth that will keep me motivated on the mission field (and in the rest of life!).
17. Out of My Hands * The Turning - i hit bottom when i finished boot camp and ended up back in VA. the humility and rawness of this song was exactly where i was, but i was unwilling to look through eyes of faith.
18. Become * Goo Goo Dolls - a song that spoke to my heart when i was in europe, being rebuilt solely by the love of Christ.
19. Twentysomething * Jamie Cullum - the lyrics. need i say more? the story of my life, minus the bar fights.
20. Undeniable * Mat Kearney - a song of worship and praise
21. Sweetly Broken * Jeremy Riddle - the conclusion i've come to: at the cross, i am on my knees, sweetly broken, surrendered in love. it is here that LIFE is found.
22. Alegria * Salvador - a fun song that the girls danced to when we were in Nicaragua.
23. Desde Mi Interior * Hillsong United - i learned this song for nicaragua, and i loved the lyrics - i give You the control, justice and love culminating in sheer worship.
24. Verbalize * Shelley Moore Band - a fun song that i like the lyrics to, again (i can't describe Your love, i can't verbalize Your grace).
25. The Stand * Hillsong United - after arriving at fuller, i experienced God's goodness again (i'll stand, my soul, Lord, surrendered...).
26. Lead Me To the Cross * Hillsong United - another worship song from my church of surrender and worship.
27. From the Inside Out * Hillsong United - the english version of the one i loved in nicaragua. (let justice and praise become my embrace.)
28. Healer * Hillsong - a song of faith in God's character.
29. You Never Let Go * Matt Redman - a song of hope for the future, knowing that He never lets go, and never will.
musings
i love daylight savings. love it.
i also love southern california. thank You, God, for bringing me here!!
i've now finished 75% of the things on my "to-do" list from spring break. spring break ended a week ago. things left: CA taxes, VA taxes, burning cd's for friends, a trip to Ikea, printing some photos, and hanging said photos on my wall.
have i mentioned recently how much i love my room? i love the view, the color i painted it, my bed, that it's mine alone, i LOVE it!
i cut my hair. but i need to trim it a bit and put layers in... i've got a bit of triangle-head going on. it's just long enough to put in a ponytail.
i bought daffodils! trader joe's has 10 stems for $1.29, so i bought 2 bunches. i love them! i also bought a potted plant and a small cactus. we'll see how long it takes for me to kill them.
school is already catching up to me. i barely had enough time to breathe over spring break, much less recuperate from last quarter and get excited about this one. i'll post soon enough about my classes this quarter.
i'm excited that due to easter next weekend, my thursday night class and my friday morning class are both canceled. so i only have 1 class this week! don't worry, i'm keeping busy! i'm meeting with a group from last quarter to finally celebrate the end of our project from last quarter. the missions fair is this week, so i volunteered to help with that a few hours. i figure if i'm trying to claim CA residency, i should have a CA driver's license, so i hope to get to the DMV on wed to get it. not to mention for the classes i don't have to attend this week, the syllabus says something like "this is a great time to get ahead on reading!" yeah, right!
i'm currently trying to burn CDs, but my burner keeps flaking out on me. it's done one copy ok, but 3 died. argh. i also want to burn a cd of songs for the schell family as they transition overseas this summer/fall. they're good people, and i wish i could support them in more ways.
i went to san diego today to be moral support for stacey, who was preaching at a church down there. she was fine-tuning her sermon on the way down, and it was really neat to talk through it with her and learned so much! if you had asked me a year ago, i would have pooh-poohed the idea of sermons at all. in some ways, i still really don't like them. i feel like it's all one sided, that often it's one person who tells others what "truth" is and that's it. there's no feedback, there's no conversation, there's no responsibility or response of the congregation. these things are still true, to some extent. but i do see the need for a humble teacher to speak and teach new things. and it's my responsibility to respond and think critically about what was shared. and even more, i'm a verbal processor, so that's why i feel so passionately about it. but so is stacey. so her talking through her sermon was the perfect opportunity for me to ask questions, give her my feedback, and make connections with the material i wouldn't have been able to if i were just being "preached to". it was fabulous.
we talked about how subversive Jesus really is. we talked about it in my culture and transformation class this week, and i am amazed at the creativity, glory, and fullness of our God!
ok, so palm sunday. Jesus's mission all through the gospels was heading for Jerusalem. so here He is, finally entering Jerusalem, "the triumphal entry". normally when kings come back from war, they enter the city in a triumphal entry, like napoleon entered paris via the "arc de triomphe". but here Jesus is, entering in triumph not because of what He has already accomplished, but because of what He WILL accomplish.
He enters via the kidron valley, the burial place of the kings - foreshadowing. also in the valley are many lush gardens because of the life-giving water flowing through - Jesus is the Living Water.
He comes on a colt, a donkey that has never been ridden before. in the old testament, a donkey that had never been ridden before was used for 1) a sacrifice of atonement for murder; 2) the purification ritual of priests; and 3) to carry the ark of the covenant, which carried the law and the presence of God. Jesus came to be the atonement for our sins, purifying us of our sins so that we all are priests, He IS the presence of God in human form, and He is the new covenant, the new law. Jesus fulfills ALL of these OT forms!
if i were a king, riding in triumphal entry, i would want to come in on a stallion. nope, Jesus comes in on a humble donkey. i would also command everyone to create a parade just for me, to honor me and praise me. Jesus gets such praise, but it's spontaneous from the people - those whose lives have already been changed. they are voluntarily worshiping.
man, i love this stuff. so amazing. what a God i serve!
i also love southern california. thank You, God, for bringing me here!!
i've now finished 75% of the things on my "to-do" list from spring break. spring break ended a week ago. things left: CA taxes, VA taxes, burning cd's for friends, a trip to Ikea, printing some photos, and hanging said photos on my wall.
have i mentioned recently how much i love my room? i love the view, the color i painted it, my bed, that it's mine alone, i LOVE it!
i cut my hair. but i need to trim it a bit and put layers in... i've got a bit of triangle-head going on. it's just long enough to put in a ponytail.
i bought daffodils! trader joe's has 10 stems for $1.29, so i bought 2 bunches. i love them! i also bought a potted plant and a small cactus. we'll see how long it takes for me to kill them.
school is already catching up to me. i barely had enough time to breathe over spring break, much less recuperate from last quarter and get excited about this one. i'll post soon enough about my classes this quarter.
i'm excited that due to easter next weekend, my thursday night class and my friday morning class are both canceled. so i only have 1 class this week! don't worry, i'm keeping busy! i'm meeting with a group from last quarter to finally celebrate the end of our project from last quarter. the missions fair is this week, so i volunteered to help with that a few hours. i figure if i'm trying to claim CA residency, i should have a CA driver's license, so i hope to get to the DMV on wed to get it. not to mention for the classes i don't have to attend this week, the syllabus says something like "this is a great time to get ahead on reading!" yeah, right!
i'm currently trying to burn CDs, but my burner keeps flaking out on me. it's done one copy ok, but 3 died. argh. i also want to burn a cd of songs for the schell family as they transition overseas this summer/fall. they're good people, and i wish i could support them in more ways.
i went to san diego today to be moral support for stacey, who was preaching at a church down there. she was fine-tuning her sermon on the way down, and it was really neat to talk through it with her and learned so much! if you had asked me a year ago, i would have pooh-poohed the idea of sermons at all. in some ways, i still really don't like them. i feel like it's all one sided, that often it's one person who tells others what "truth" is and that's it. there's no feedback, there's no conversation, there's no responsibility or response of the congregation. these things are still true, to some extent. but i do see the need for a humble teacher to speak and teach new things. and it's my responsibility to respond and think critically about what was shared. and even more, i'm a verbal processor, so that's why i feel so passionately about it. but so is stacey. so her talking through her sermon was the perfect opportunity for me to ask questions, give her my feedback, and make connections with the material i wouldn't have been able to if i were just being "preached to". it was fabulous.
we talked about how subversive Jesus really is. we talked about it in my culture and transformation class this week, and i am amazed at the creativity, glory, and fullness of our God!
ok, so palm sunday. Jesus's mission all through the gospels was heading for Jerusalem. so here He is, finally entering Jerusalem, "the triumphal entry". normally when kings come back from war, they enter the city in a triumphal entry, like napoleon entered paris via the "arc de triomphe". but here Jesus is, entering in triumph not because of what He has already accomplished, but because of what He WILL accomplish.
He enters via the kidron valley, the burial place of the kings - foreshadowing. also in the valley are many lush gardens because of the life-giving water flowing through - Jesus is the Living Water.
He comes on a colt, a donkey that has never been ridden before. in the old testament, a donkey that had never been ridden before was used for 1) a sacrifice of atonement for murder; 2) the purification ritual of priests; and 3) to carry the ark of the covenant, which carried the law and the presence of God. Jesus came to be the atonement for our sins, purifying us of our sins so that we all are priests, He IS the presence of God in human form, and He is the new covenant, the new law. Jesus fulfills ALL of these OT forms!
if i were a king, riding in triumphal entry, i would want to come in on a stallion. nope, Jesus comes in on a humble donkey. i would also command everyone to create a parade just for me, to honor me and praise me. Jesus gets such praise, but it's spontaneous from the people - those whose lives have already been changed. they are voluntarily worshiping.
man, i love this stuff. so amazing. what a God i serve!
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