frustrated

the state of being of my life. it seems like it's never going away.

related definitions:
a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.
the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals
a feeling of annoyance at being hindered or criticized
The condition that results when an impulse or an action is thwarted by an external or an internal force.
a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs

one sunday night at house church in college, probably my sophomore year, the "ice breaker" was "what sound best describes you?" i couldn't think of one, which i said when it was my turn. my friend immediately said "i know yours! it's that guttural throaty sound you make when you're frustrated!"

she was completely right. unfortunately, she still is.

i am frequently annoyed and dissatisfied when my goals, expectations, and desires aren't met. sometimes it's small and silly and i should just get over it. sometimes it drives me to other action. sometimes i just grow hopeless.

hope deferred makes the heart sick.

it's not in me...

i have this friend who comes into the bux. i think he's in pharmaceutical sales. if he's not, he should be. he has one of those personalities that is always friendly, engaging, and encouraging. he's also a bit flirtatious with the ladies. ;-) at any rate, he could probably get anyone to do anything, and i'm sure he's a terrific salesman.

i do NOT have one of those personalities. i've lost count of the things i've wanted people to do and they do the opposite. there have been so many events i've tried to plan and organize that never make it out of the planning stage. i just don't have the magnetic, convincing personality that it takes to convince people they want to do something or join something.

it's just not in me to get people to do something. so if it happens, it has to be God. period.

the end of an era

today i changed my homepage.

no longer will i be greeted by the storm prediction center when i open my browser of choice. the updated "overview" graphic with a national radar loop and convective outlook graphics are great, but alas, i will now need to exert some effort to check the latest storm reports.

igoogle has taken its place. the add-ons are fun, informative, entertaining, and extensive. i can check the weather, news, email, and national geographic photo of the day all on one page. i can play sudoku, learn new spanish words, and see the latest espn college football headlines with a scroll down the screen. all customizable for what i want to see.

truly, i have entered a new era. sorry, SPC.