I just got home from Tijuana, Mexico, having attended a weekend missions trip with my church. At the end of a long day last night, the leader asked us our highs and lows for the day. Most of the things that went through my head in either category didn't seem like things that would be well received, or could seem inappropriate, so I wanted to document some of them here.
Highs:
1. Driving down, talking with Scott, Amelia, and Julie in the car. Scott reminds me a lot of my dad, and felt like he asked good questions and actually listened to the answers. Julie is someone I could see myself being good friends with, and Amelia is the first high schooler I've connected with in a long time. The things we talked about were things I felt I had something good or important to say about them, which increased my self-esteem to feel like I had something to offer to the discussion, or teach someone.
2. Going to the store to shop for lunch. It was a concrete, helpful thing that I was able to step in and do. Not that anyone else couldn't have also pushed a cart around and picked out 15 onions from a moldy pile, but compared to the rest of the day where it was harder to tell if I was actually helping or just taking up room (or even being in the way), it was good to know I was contributing.
3. The general being-in-another-country-and-culture feeling. Looking around, knowing I'm someplace else, and there are new things here to experience is something I enjoy. I liked this new experience of something familiar (traveling in general, Mexico in specific).
4. The food. This goes along with #3, but stands alone. Participating in the making of the food was good, and eating the labor of my work (but not loving the dish). I really enjoyed the tacos, though, at the taco stand on the corner!
5. Walking along the ocean. This also goes with #3, but stands alone. After getting to the mission house, 10 of us women went for a walk along the ocean, 1 block away. There's a boardwalk in north Tijuana that goes all the way up to the border (and a small plaza right on the border) and several blocks (half a mile? 1km?) south of the border. It was a lovely evening, a good walk, nice to stretch my legs, a chance to talk with some of the women more, and great ocean views. What wasn't to enjoy?
6. (This is what I actually shared:) Seeing how well the kids behaved. The orphans in the home were definitely rambunctious and silly, but also were obedient and sweet. I had feared they would be unruly, manipulative, rebellious, sullen, angry, or worse. They pleasantly surprised me, and I have a lot more faith than skepticism in the overall ministry and orphanage situation. (Later learning a few more details of who the adults are that live in the house with the kids as house parents didn't exactly grow my confidence, however.)
7. Participating in making lunch. Again, this is a concrete "help" that I was able to provide. I didn't love cutting 7 onions and squeezing 20+ limes, but it was something that needed to be done that I was able to do. Picking chicken wasn't on the top of my list of things I've wanted to do, either, but I can confidently say I was positively contributing at that time.
8. Knowing enough Spanish to be able to track the topic, if not the majority of conversations I was listening to, or the speaker at church this morning. I was encouraged to learn more and practice more.
9. The ride home, and getting to share my story and hear more of Diane's and Bruce's story. I was by far the youngest in the car, but rather than feeling like I have to prove myself or that I lack in some big way, I felt among my peers, even if they are far more experienced than I. It was also encouraging to get to know 2 older single women that I enjoy and respect.
10. By the end of the 2 days, I appreciated being able to share some of my hesitations, questions and concerns and actually get somewhere with them. Speaking them out loud helped me to a) clarify my thought/position; b) shed light on the areas I was just being myopic and ethnocentric; c) bring truth to balance my position, and d) engage in more conversation to distill my thoughts and strengthen a relationship with someone else with different thoughts/opinions.
Lows:
1. Lack of organization and planning. It drove me nuts. It was challenging to me that a lot of the smaller details weren't planned out, even if they weren't the result of any one person not thinking ahead. I really wasn't sure where I fit in most of the time, or what would be appropriate or not. Next time I'll have a much better sense of what to expect, and it won't offend me quite as much.
2. There were several times I wanted more information (about the kids, the staff, the men from the ranch, the plan for the day, the possibilities of what could come next, the steps needed for X to happen, etc) that I felt awkward and/or prying if I were to actually ask. I might have been more bold, as some of the others were, to get more answers, but it seemed presumptuous or rude to ask some of the questions I wanted answers for. Other times, there simply wasn't an answer, it was a play-it-by-ear situation.
3. Not eating lunch until 330pm. I didn't know that was an option, much less the plan (I don't think it really was the plan, but I didn't understand the process to be able to figure it out myself). I was starting to shut down because I was so hungry and was losing patience quickly. Eating a snack helped, but eating a better snack earlier would heave been better. If there is a next time, I will be sure to have a good protein granola bar to munch on around the noon hour.
4. (What I actually shared, or part of this:) Hearing the kids' stories. I felt like the kids were asked to bare their hearts to complete strangers so they could be "on display" for us to watch or run in and attempt a pitiful rescue mission on. I felt like we were voyeuristic or opportunistic and they were simply our prey. That is a strong way of explaining the awkwardness and unease I felt about hearing such personal stories. I wanted to be careful in guarding their hearts, to not overexpose or manipulate them for our own sense of "I want to feel good about coming to 'help' these poor children."
4 1/2: Carlos was able to answer some of this for me. He explained that they want to train the children to share their testimonies about what God has done for them early, and he wants them to be able to be open and transparent about who they are and not hide their pain or who they are out of fear or shame.
5. Missions trips are hard. Being in close proximity with so many people of such varying backgrounds and levels of healing and maturity themselves is always hard. I was overwhelmed at times by the noise and up-front level of conversation (asking a woman who just had a baby about her method of contraception). There were a ton of people in that house all day, and no where to have a quiet conversation.
6. The general frustration and anxiety I feel in a new place/situation. I didn't know what to expect in many ways, and most of that is just learned. Some of it is simply remembering how things work different in other countries that I don't have to deal with on a regular basis and feeling like I'd smacked my head against an invisible brick wall. It's just hard to remember some of these things until I do them again.
7. Wondering how this trip fits in with my overall distrust of short-term missions trips. This is more my own personal struggle to think through: how are we not more of a burden? How can we minimize the impact of our stay? Keeping it shorter helps in a lot of ways. I don't want to sweep in and begin to build relationships with kids who need consistency in their lives, then leave the very next day. I want to respect their privacy and not know every detail of their sad past. Yet I want to know who they are and how there but am too afraid of offending or prying to ask. Is this type of trip really that encouraging to the long-termers? Does it really do much towards building good will with our church and theirs? Can we really do good when there are some outspoken and potentially offensive people on our team (who don't realize that)? Can I participate in the good with my critical mindset? How do I empower those doing the work, support and love them, from one weekend? How do I not let my own boredom overpower my willingness to serve?
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Thursday, September 27, 2012
30 Before 30: #4 & 3
#4: Run the Color Run
#3: Eat Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles
The Color Run was held (locally) at the Great Park in Irvine on April 22, 2012. I roped my friends Michael, Danielle, and Nate into running with me, so we did a few runs together around the Rose Bowl to prep for this run. The race course, in itself, was pretty boring along an old runway. The weather was cloudy, with the marine layer solidly in place, making it fairly muggy. We donned our race shirts, race headbands, sunglasses, old running shoes and lined up with 1000 of our closest friends at the start line.
So the premise: Run a 5k along a course where at each kilometer mark, a team is there to throw color (like bright powdered sugar) at each runner as he/she passes. The first color was yellow, then green, then blue/purple, and then pink before the finish line.
The pre-picture:
It was quite a morning, to say the least. Which, of course, needed to be followed up with a great meal. If you aren't familiar with it, Roscoe's is an LA legacy. It's one of those classic places that somehow I've never had! I'd been in Pasadena more than 3 and a half years, and never had Roscoe's! Waffles and fried chicken are an apparent perfect match, as we quickly found out. I had Herb's Special: 2 pieces of chicken and 2 waffles. Most of which I took home! It was a lovely meal, and I'm glad to have experienced a Pasadena tradition. I probably will return to the restaurant, but may not have chicken AND waffles next time.
#3: Eat Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles
The Color Run was held (locally) at the Great Park in Irvine on April 22, 2012. I roped my friends Michael, Danielle, and Nate into running with me, so we did a few runs together around the Rose Bowl to prep for this run. The race course, in itself, was pretty boring along an old runway. The weather was cloudy, with the marine layer solidly in place, making it fairly muggy. We donned our race shirts, race headbands, sunglasses, old running shoes and lined up with 1000 of our closest friends at the start line.
So the premise: Run a 5k along a course where at each kilometer mark, a team is there to throw color (like bright powdered sugar) at each runner as he/she passes. The first color was yellow, then green, then blue/purple, and then pink before the finish line.
The pre-picture:
After the first two stations:
After the 3rd station:
After the 4th station:
At the end of the race, everyone has a packet of the color powder that we have a big color "fight" with:
It's pretty intense in there! It's actually really dark and very hard to breathe!
Thankfully, we survived! :)
So by the end, we were more colors than just the 4 from the race (the pink and purple are the ones that "stick" the most!
Saturday, September 08, 2012
30 Before 30 #5: Visit Seattle
Seattle! A city that I have wanted to visit since 1998, when my family took a road trip across the entire US. One of the things I most wanted to do on that trip was go up in the Space Needle. The closest I got was a Baskin Robbins in Tacoma. I'm still bitter about that! ;)
Though I miss her dearly, I got lucky that my friend Alison moved from Pasadena to Seattle last September. I had the opportunity to visit her in December 2011, so I flew up for the weekend!
I arrived Thursday evening Dec 8, and Alison picked me up after her final exam for her grad school course (the reason she moved up to Seattle). We went straight home, but stayed up late talking. Friday we took the ferry over to Bainbridge Island, as it looked like this might be the best weather we had all weekend. We brunched at Pegasus Coffee House (AMAZING baked eggs) before walking around the small community and giving ourselves a self-guided driving tour of the island. We ended the daylight hours at Fay Bainbridge State Park, with excellent views back toward the city as well as Mt. Rainier.
Saturday started out with the Seattle Space Needle (FINALLY!). It was a somewhat rainy day, so the views weren't as epic as a clear day would have been, but definitely a great experience! So glad I finally got to see it and go up! From there we took the monorail into downtown, and headed for Pike Place Market. We walked through Pike Place, window shopping, and really shopping. I, of course, had to stop into the original Starbucks and pick up a mug. We got jam from a local producer, I bought earrings from a local artist, and then wound our way through to a cool little shop called Ventures. It's a cool little artist's collective type shop with all sorts of treasures for the finding. Helping a good cause is nice, too! We then stopped at Seattle Coffee Works to refuel. Coffee shops make for excellent people watching, don't you think? :) We walked back through the fish market (opening scene from "Real World" anyone?) and down the block to a lovely chocolatier, Fran's. Alison treated me to a drinking chocolate, which I heartily appreciated! We continued our walking tour down towards the water, ducking into the Seattle Aquarium momentarily and the carousel at Waterfront Park. The city was all lit up with Christmas lights, and it was a lovely sight! We took the bus home, then stopped at a yummy Thai place for dinner before crashing.
Sunday started with church at Quest Church, briefly preceded by a detour to the troll uner the Fremont Bridge and a driving tour of the neighborhood (as we waited for the first service to end, and parking to free up!). We brunched at Blue Star Cafe, then attempted to walk around Green Lake. It was a tad bit cold and windy for that, so we drove the circumference, instead. :) Being December in Seattle, I was a little surprised, but delighted, to find so many trees with fall colors! We definitely don't have many of those in southern CA! We then continued on to Seattle University, where Alison showed me around her campus and the things she loved about it. One of the things she loves is its proximity to Stumptown, so we had an obligatory stop there. (What's there not to love about Seattle and its coffee shops?!) It really was a beautiful building, very picturesque in the late afternoon light. And the mocha and brownie I enjoyed were delicious! We chased the sunset, which was just barely peeking through under the shelf of clouds, and caught beautiful views of the snow-capped peaks of the Olympic peninsula. Finally, we made an obligatory (for me!) stop at the flagship REI store! That place is amazing, with it's own rockwall and trail for customers to test drive mountain bikes!
All in all, I had a jam-packed and excellent weekend. I got to try/see all sorts of Seattle icons, and of course visit with my friend!
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
30 Before 30 #1: Run a 10k
Run a 10k, as in a race (not just the distance). This one I've actually done twice now, and I'm registered to run at least one more before the year ends!
I'm now registered to run the weSpark 10k through the Universal Studios backlot on November 4th. I've already begun a training program for this race (though I admit I haven't stuck to it 100%) and expect to hit my 1:15 or better mark for this race! I am using this race as an excuse/reason to get into better shape before going to Peru and trekking to Machu Picchu! Running this race, and actually training for it, will help that experience to not be as painful as it otherwise would!
Danielle, Nate, and I ran the Firecracker 10k that began and ended in Chinatown on February 12, 2012. The race course was a bit challenging, going up over the hill around Dodger Stadium and back down. To be honest, I knew I was under-prepared for the race, but knew that I would still give it my best. My goal was to finish the race in 1:15, but I didn't take into account the many hills! All my training thus far had been on relatively flat land, and I completely forgot that running hills would use different muscle groups in different ways!
The first climb was killer, not going to lie. But the views of the city were amazing! The park we ran through was beautiful, and many runners stopped to take photos along the way with their phones. I, however, concentrated on simply finishing! The race course continued to challenge me, and I fell behind Danielle and Nate fairly early on. They were kind to wait for me to catch up at one point, and we ran together for a while. On the downhill section, I ran past them, lengthening my stride and letting the hill do the work for me! But I overdid it, and Nate and Danielle soon passed me again. I finished in 1:20:29, at a 12:59/mile pace. Danielle finished, then came back to run with me across the finish line.
On May 20, 2012, Stephanie and I ran the Pasadena 10k, part of the Pasadena Marathon. This race was great because it started and ended just a couple blocks from my home, so I simply walked to the start line. The race course ran down to California Blvd, back up around Pasadena City Hall, and then back the way we started.
Pasadena City Hall:
Pasadena City Hall:
I had definitely trained better for this race and was hoping this would be closer to the 1:15 time I had wanted to run the Firecracker in, or maybe even better! However, Stephanie had trained but not as well, and I didn't want to leave her. I have been hugely helped in my running by others sticking with me and encouraging me, and I found it beneficial, too. I wasn't as focused on my own muscle aches and pains when I was focused on keeping Stephanie energized! We ran by, and were passed by, friends at several stages which was a nice distraction.
The 2nd half of the race was more challenging, especially for Steph. Her stride (and therefore pace) was slower than mine, so I found I couldn't comfortably run alongside her. I ended up running ahead at my own pace, and at each block jogging in place to wait for her, or running back to then run alongside her. The last mile was more fun as we encouraged and challenged each other to the finish line. We finished in 1:28:23. So it was quite a bit slower than I had wanted to run, initially, but I'm really glad we finished together!!
The END!
The END!
I'm now registered to run the weSpark 10k through the Universal Studios backlot on November 4th. I've already begun a training program for this race (though I admit I haven't stuck to it 100%) and expect to hit my 1:15 or better mark for this race! I am using this race as an excuse/reason to get into better shape before going to Peru and trekking to Machu Picchu! Running this race, and actually training for it, will help that experience to not be as painful as it otherwise would!
Monday, September 03, 2012
30 Before 30 #16: Have a Drink on a Roof in LA
Friday night, I made plans to see my friend Jenny. After texting back and forth, we settled on going to Perch, a rooftop bar in LA. PERFECT. When I wrote this item on my 30 Before 30 list, Jenny immediately came to mind as the perfect person to help make this event happen. She's a great friend with a knack for finding fun places to get a drink around LA, and Perch is one of her best finds!
Earlier that week, a few other friends of ours made plans to get drinks at a happy hour in Pasadena, so that was a perfect start to our evening. We invited all those present to join us, and 2 were free to do so: Danielle and Chris. Our little group, having enjoyed a (few) drink(s) already, opted to take the metro to downtown LA to Perch. Taking the metro (the light rail to Union Station and the subway to Pershing Square) is an adventure in and of itself, one which I enjoyed immensely. Taking the public transit has somewhat of a romantic appeal to it, and it reminded me that I really do live in a CITY. I loved it!
We arrived at Perch around 830pm, which was perfect for a Friday night. The sun had set, and the Blue Moon had risen over the city. We took the elevator up to the 13th floor and transferred to the elevator that took us to the 15th. We entered the restaurant and took the last flight of stairs up to the rooftop and were immediately astounded by the views of the city! Topping off the fun of the bar was bumping into a friend from work.
The music, French pop, was almost as endearing as the simple joy of a lovely evening with good friends, great views, and an alcoholic beverage in hand. The drinks were delicious, though (understandably) on the expensive side. We enjoyed chatting among the views in every direction, overlooking Pershing Square, and finding the LA Times building next to City Hall. The jets were lined up to land at LAX, and the towers on top of Mt Wilson flashed their red warning lights. It really was a lovely evening, and the only thing that could have made it better was dessert. So we went to get some. :)
We walked downstairs to the restaurant, where we passed a long line of folks waiting to go up to the rooftop, and found there was a 2-hour wait for a table, even for dessert. We consulted Yelp and UrbanSpoon to find a dessert place about 2 blocks away, and started our descent. We passed a line outside the door on the street, as well, and were thankful to have gotten up without a wait!
Having grown up in the suburbs, I never knew how much of a city girl I am! I really enjoyed the nightlife and people watching as we walked over to Syrup. A man driving an SUV drove by us playing a dance song loudly with his windows down, and sadly changed the song. We playfully yelled and asked him to turn it back on, and he said, "I've got a better one, just wait!" He then started a new song and we continued dancing as we walked down the street.
Syrup, on Spring, was a lovely find. We walked in to find a busy scene, but found a table right away. Danielle sat down to claim our table, and Jenny, Chris and I pored over the menu while waiting in line to order. We chose a crepe dish (tiramisu-ish), a waffle dish (with berries) and a grilled cheese (muenster and some kind of jam?). We devoured the dishes, then walked back to the Pershing Square metro stop to take the train home. I was in bed by midnight - a lovely evening indeed!!
Sunday, July 08, 2012
30 Before 30: #17. Hike Mt. Wilson
Mt. Wilson: check!
Mt. Wilson is one of the most historic peaks in the San Gabriel Mountains. It's the most prominent peak (covered in antennaes) that is visible from Pasadena. It's literally in our backyard! Mt Wilson is 5710 ft high, just shy of the highest point in my home state, Virginia (Mt. Rogers at 5728 ft). It's certainly not the highest peak in southern California (which would be Mt. San Gorgonio at 11499 ft) or the toughest climb (arguably Mt. San Antonio, aka Mt Baldy, 10064 ft). I've wanted to hike it for a while, so adding it to my 30-Before-30 list seemed appropriate.
I saw on facebook that a friend of a friend had started a local hiking group, so I joined the group and saw the first hike planned was summiting Mt. Wilson. I was free that day, so I invited myself along. So yesterday, July 7, 2012, I picked up my friend Janice and her friend James at just after 6am. We picked up their friend Dan, who originally posted about the hike, and drove up to Chantry Flat to park. We got to the parking lot at about 6:35am, and got one of the last parking spaces. That place is busy on summer weekends! After getting all our gear in order, we started out on the trail by 6:45am.
The first part of the trail is quite familiar to me, as it's the same trail that leads to Sturtevant Falls, which I've been to several times. Hiking to the falls after work is one of the joys of long summer days! At the split in the trail, James and I hung out while Janice and Dan continued on to the falls because they hadn't seen it before, then rejoined us about 20 minutes later. I won't go into the gory details of which trails we took where because we basically followed the hike Mt. Wilson trail via Chantry Flats, and this isn't a hiking blog. But I will say that we hiked about 13 miles in 9.5 hours total, including breaks.
The network of trails in the San Gabriels is pretty astounding, with lots of back-country campgrounds and even cabins scattered throughout. The first half of the trail up was fairly busy as it leads to other peaks and good hikes. We chatted with a few other groups, with hikers of all ages, who were heading for different destinations. We were surprised by how much shade the trail afforded, as one of the complaints is that on fire roads and other more exposed trails, it can get hot very quickly! We hiked in full shade for 3/4 of the trip up, and partial shade after that. We were especially grateful since the forecast high temperature was 85 degrees. I'm not gonna lie, I got really tired by the end. The "up" stretches (as opposed to the "flat" stretches) were very slow going for me. My water was out, and I focused my energy on getting to the next shady spot, then resting a bit. I could feel my pulse in my ear drums. The others went on ahead, and James thankfully lent me his hiking poles. (Side note: hiking poles will be my next camping/hiking investment! They were awesome, and it would have been MUCH harder without them! I'm a new believer!) I finally joined the others at the lookout point by about 11:10am.
We had made it! The view from up there was amazing! I had driven up Mt Wilson on previous occasions, but this was the first time I entered the complex and had seen the eastern side of the peak. I had seen some of the views on the Mt. Wilson webcam, though. We wandered around the observatory grounds for a bit, found a drinking fountain, and refilled our water bottles and Camelbak bladders. The Observatory has a collection of telescopes and has quite the history! Hubble and Hale were two of the big-name astronomers who did a bulk of their work at the Mt. Wilson Observatory. There were signs in front of most buildings, and even a small museum for visitors to learn about the work and history of the observatory. We contemplated waiting around for a tour at 1pm, but decided to get home sooner. We then headed for the picnic pavilion, where Janice, Dan and I ate our packed lunches, and James got a sandwich from the Cosmic Cafe. I had developed a blister on the back of my right heel, so I pulled my shoes and socks off during lunch, put a bandaid over the blister, and enjoyed the chance to rest.
We started back down about 12:30pm, after enjoying the views from the west side of the peak toward the Santa Monica Mountains, across the city and toward the Pacific Ocean. Dan and I were in the lead, and we were on the trail no longer than 5 minutes when we spotted a 4-ft long rattlesnake! I had seen one before (while hiking in Ventura County, ask Danielle and Nate how loud I screamed after almost stepping on it!), but this one still took us by surprise. We heard the rattle, but it sounded to me like a louder version of a cicada, so it didn't even register until Dan quickly turned around and walked back up the trail towards me. It slithered into the bushes and quit rattling, so we laughed and kept hiking. However, the section of the trail we were on was switchbacks, so we kept our eyes peeled as we headed down, knowing the snake could make it downhill faster than we could. Ten minutes later, Janice and James caught up to us (they had stopped to take more photos) and we told them about the snake. No sooner had we told them than they saw one just off the side of the trail, slithering downhill. We thought the chances were pretty good that it was the same snake!
The trip down was pretty tiring, but slow and steady wins the race. James had picked up two sticks to use as hiking poles when he lent me his. We switched "poles" at the top of the mountain, so I was grateful for the two sticks on the way down! Again, we were surprised and grateful by the amount of shade on the trail! It was a much quicker descent, of course, but still not record speed. When we got to the trail split at the Upper Winter Creek trail, we remembered that the very start of the trail would be the end of the trail taking that route. Which was a steep, open, paved incline that we would have to hike up to get back to the car. Suddenly, the longer-by-a-mile route that descended to the parking lot sounded a lot better. Only we didn't realize that it also included a climb in the first mile, rather than in the last. The climb on the Upper Winter Creek trail wasn't nearly as steep as the Sturtevant Falls trail would have been, but it was still not very welcome. I was pretty tired and ready to be done by this point!
I finally caught up with the others at the top of the fireroad at the top of the campground/picnic area at Chantry Flat about 4pm, maybe 4:15pm. What a day, but we made it! I was quite proud of myself, but also quite exhausted. I don't think I've accomplished something like that before: 4000 feet of elevation gain in one day, or a 13 mile trail in one day. Before this, I think my longest day hike had been about 10 miles. Woohoo! Today, the day after, my calves and hips are pretty tight, but I'm not as sore as I might have expected!
Mt. Wilson is one of the most historic peaks in the San Gabriel Mountains. It's the most prominent peak (covered in antennaes) that is visible from Pasadena. It's literally in our backyard! Mt Wilson is 5710 ft high, just shy of the highest point in my home state, Virginia (Mt. Rogers at 5728 ft). It's certainly not the highest peak in southern California (which would be Mt. San Gorgonio at 11499 ft) or the toughest climb (arguably Mt. San Antonio, aka Mt Baldy, 10064 ft). I've wanted to hike it for a while, so adding it to my 30-Before-30 list seemed appropriate.
I saw on facebook that a friend of a friend had started a local hiking group, so I joined the group and saw the first hike planned was summiting Mt. Wilson. I was free that day, so I invited myself along. So yesterday, July 7, 2012, I picked up my friend Janice and her friend James at just after 6am. We picked up their friend Dan, who originally posted about the hike, and drove up to Chantry Flat to park. We got to the parking lot at about 6:35am, and got one of the last parking spaces. That place is busy on summer weekends! After getting all our gear in order, we started out on the trail by 6:45am.
The first part of the trail is quite familiar to me, as it's the same trail that leads to Sturtevant Falls, which I've been to several times. Hiking to the falls after work is one of the joys of long summer days! At the split in the trail, James and I hung out while Janice and Dan continued on to the falls because they hadn't seen it before, then rejoined us about 20 minutes later. I won't go into the gory details of which trails we took where because we basically followed the hike Mt. Wilson trail via Chantry Flats, and this isn't a hiking blog. But I will say that we hiked about 13 miles in 9.5 hours total, including breaks.
The network of trails in the San Gabriels is pretty astounding, with lots of back-country campgrounds and even cabins scattered throughout. The first half of the trail up was fairly busy as it leads to other peaks and good hikes. We chatted with a few other groups, with hikers of all ages, who were heading for different destinations. We were surprised by how much shade the trail afforded, as one of the complaints is that on fire roads and other more exposed trails, it can get hot very quickly! We hiked in full shade for 3/4 of the trip up, and partial shade after that. We were especially grateful since the forecast high temperature was 85 degrees. I'm not gonna lie, I got really tired by the end. The "up" stretches (as opposed to the "flat" stretches) were very slow going for me. My water was out, and I focused my energy on getting to the next shady spot, then resting a bit. I could feel my pulse in my ear drums. The others went on ahead, and James thankfully lent me his hiking poles. (Side note: hiking poles will be my next camping/hiking investment! They were awesome, and it would have been MUCH harder without them! I'm a new believer!) I finally joined the others at the lookout point by about 11:10am.
We had made it! The view from up there was amazing! I had driven up Mt Wilson on previous occasions, but this was the first time I entered the complex and had seen the eastern side of the peak. I had seen some of the views on the Mt. Wilson webcam, though. We wandered around the observatory grounds for a bit, found a drinking fountain, and refilled our water bottles and Camelbak bladders. The Observatory has a collection of telescopes and has quite the history! Hubble and Hale were two of the big-name astronomers who did a bulk of their work at the Mt. Wilson Observatory. There were signs in front of most buildings, and even a small museum for visitors to learn about the work and history of the observatory. We contemplated waiting around for a tour at 1pm, but decided to get home sooner. We then headed for the picnic pavilion, where Janice, Dan and I ate our packed lunches, and James got a sandwich from the Cosmic Cafe. I had developed a blister on the back of my right heel, so I pulled my shoes and socks off during lunch, put a bandaid over the blister, and enjoyed the chance to rest.
We started back down about 12:30pm, after enjoying the views from the west side of the peak toward the Santa Monica Mountains, across the city and toward the Pacific Ocean. Dan and I were in the lead, and we were on the trail no longer than 5 minutes when we spotted a 4-ft long rattlesnake! I had seen one before (while hiking in Ventura County, ask Danielle and Nate how loud I screamed after almost stepping on it!), but this one still took us by surprise. We heard the rattle, but it sounded to me like a louder version of a cicada, so it didn't even register until Dan quickly turned around and walked back up the trail towards me. It slithered into the bushes and quit rattling, so we laughed and kept hiking. However, the section of the trail we were on was switchbacks, so we kept our eyes peeled as we headed down, knowing the snake could make it downhill faster than we could. Ten minutes later, Janice and James caught up to us (they had stopped to take more photos) and we told them about the snake. No sooner had we told them than they saw one just off the side of the trail, slithering downhill. We thought the chances were pretty good that it was the same snake!
The trip down was pretty tiring, but slow and steady wins the race. James had picked up two sticks to use as hiking poles when he lent me his. We switched "poles" at the top of the mountain, so I was grateful for the two sticks on the way down! Again, we were surprised and grateful by the amount of shade on the trail! It was a much quicker descent, of course, but still not record speed. When we got to the trail split at the Upper Winter Creek trail, we remembered that the very start of the trail would be the end of the trail taking that route. Which was a steep, open, paved incline that we would have to hike up to get back to the car. Suddenly, the longer-by-a-mile route that descended to the parking lot sounded a lot better. Only we didn't realize that it also included a climb in the first mile, rather than in the last. The climb on the Upper Winter Creek trail wasn't nearly as steep as the Sturtevant Falls trail would have been, but it was still not very welcome. I was pretty tired and ready to be done by this point!
I finally caught up with the others at the top of the fireroad at the top of the campground/picnic area at Chantry Flat about 4pm, maybe 4:15pm. What a day, but we made it! I was quite proud of myself, but also quite exhausted. I don't think I've accomplished something like that before: 4000 feet of elevation gain in one day, or a 13 mile trail in one day. Before this, I think my longest day hike had been about 10 miles. Woohoo! Today, the day after, my calves and hips are pretty tight, but I'm not as sore as I might have expected!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Generosity
I want to be a person know for her generosity. This stems from a variety of impulses. For one, generosity is a trait that is in short supply in my generation, and in society today. It is so easy to act out of my own self-importance or selfishness, but that's not how I want to be. Generosity is an act of character, and represents a life overflowing. To be generous is to remind myself that I am not a world unto myself, but I am an actor in a community. To be generous is sometimes an act of sacrifice, proof of love for others.
Even in writing that paragraph, I see aspects of my personality. "Gifts" is a love-language that I enjoy operating in. I don't want to give the appearance of being materialistic, so this is an area that I have suppressed for a long time. But it's true! I want my friends and family to know that I was thinking about them as I traveled, or when I saw something at a store that I think they would love. I appreciate when someone does the same for me, though I don't expect gifts. I also have "connectedness" as one of my top 5 strengths in the Strengthsfinder realm. So of course I would see myself as a part of the bigger picture, that we're all connected and rely on one another.
I also used to life off other people's generosity. I've been on at least 7 mission trips that relied heavily on support raising. As a Starbucks barista, I used my paycheck to cover basic necessities, and used my tips as food and fun money for the week. As a result, I try to give good tips in restaurants, even if the service isn't great.
I am now a single, employed adult in my late 20's. I have no kids to care for, no mortgage to pay, and a decent, steady income. I have margins in my life - extra space that can be carved out to serve others, do things I'd always wanted but lacked the time, money, or vacation days, or learn to just BE. Why not use my free time to volunteer for a cause I care about, or offer to watch a friend's kids while she runs errands? Why not use my steady paycheck to show up at a friend's yardsale with a bag of bagels and a gallon of coffee in hand? Or actually purchase something cute I notice at Target for my friend who would love it? Or regularly support my local public radio station? I'm still not so great at the budgeting thing, but I do know that I have room to be generous.
Spiritually, generosity is not a fruit of the Spirit, per se. I do believe that it is a byproduct of love and kindness. I want to love others well by blessing them with things that I have been blessed with. I want to show kindness to my sick roommate by bringing her chicken noodle soup, a box of nyquil, and a silly redbox movie to kill the time with. I believe I am sowing into the ministry of my friends who are missionaries by giving them monthly support. God has been good to me, and I have no right to hoard the things I only have because of His generosity to me.
And that's who I want to be: a woman known for her generosity, because God has been generous to her.
Update:
My pastor, Megan, spoke on generosity in church tonight. She spoke on Luke 3, where John the Baptist spoke to the Pharisees and tax collectors and others who came to him to be baptized. His message to them was essentially, "Just be generous, be honest, be fair." If you have 2 coats, give one up. If you have extra food, shared it. Your. Rees are met, so help out those whose needs are not met. I haven't said much about church, yet, but hearing this tonight was kind of a nice little confirmation for me.
Even in writing that paragraph, I see aspects of my personality. "Gifts" is a love-language that I enjoy operating in. I don't want to give the appearance of being materialistic, so this is an area that I have suppressed for a long time. But it's true! I want my friends and family to know that I was thinking about them as I traveled, or when I saw something at a store that I think they would love. I appreciate when someone does the same for me, though I don't expect gifts. I also have "connectedness" as one of my top 5 strengths in the Strengthsfinder realm. So of course I would see myself as a part of the bigger picture, that we're all connected and rely on one another.
I also used to life off other people's generosity. I've been on at least 7 mission trips that relied heavily on support raising. As a Starbucks barista, I used my paycheck to cover basic necessities, and used my tips as food and fun money for the week. As a result, I try to give good tips in restaurants, even if the service isn't great.
I am now a single, employed adult in my late 20's. I have no kids to care for, no mortgage to pay, and a decent, steady income. I have margins in my life - extra space that can be carved out to serve others, do things I'd always wanted but lacked the time, money, or vacation days, or learn to just BE. Why not use my free time to volunteer for a cause I care about, or offer to watch a friend's kids while she runs errands? Why not use my steady paycheck to show up at a friend's yardsale with a bag of bagels and a gallon of coffee in hand? Or actually purchase something cute I notice at Target for my friend who would love it? Or regularly support my local public radio station? I'm still not so great at the budgeting thing, but I do know that I have room to be generous.
Spiritually, generosity is not a fruit of the Spirit, per se. I do believe that it is a byproduct of love and kindness. I want to love others well by blessing them with things that I have been blessed with. I want to show kindness to my sick roommate by bringing her chicken noodle soup, a box of nyquil, and a silly redbox movie to kill the time with. I believe I am sowing into the ministry of my friends who are missionaries by giving them monthly support. God has been good to me, and I have no right to hoard the things I only have because of His generosity to me.
And that's who I want to be: a woman known for her generosity, because God has been generous to her.
Update:
My pastor, Megan, spoke on generosity in church tonight. She spoke on Luke 3, where John the Baptist spoke to the Pharisees and tax collectors and others who came to him to be baptized. His message to them was essentially, "Just be generous, be honest, be fair." If you have 2 coats, give one up. If you have extra food, shared it. Your. Rees are met, so help out those whose needs are not met. I haven't said much about church, yet, but hearing this tonight was kind of a nice little confirmation for me.
Back in the Saddle, Starting Today!
It's time to get back in the saddle. After finishing grad school, it was nice not to be required to write, so I didn't write at all. Plus, I work on a computer 40 hrs a week; I didn't want to even turn my personal computer on! My personal journal hasn't seen much activity, either! Now, nearly 2 years later, it's time to start practicing something I claim to be good at. Not amazing, mind you, but not terrible, either. If I want to be able to tell my boss I'm a good writer, I know I need to keep working at it. So in this area, among several others that I shelved for a while, it's time to get back in the saddle.
As a means of commitment, whether or not I have any readers at all, I'm laying out here a few things I want to tackle in the coming weeks and months. Writing helps me to process my own thoughts, as well as document my experiences, so here's what I plan to blog about:
1. Stewardship - including tithing, generosity (today!), and areas beyond finances
2. My 30-Before-30 list - items already accomplished as well as what's next
3. Church. I'm still not sure where this one is going, but I committed months ago to thinking more deeply about it, so it's time I start. Eeek.
4. General life goings-on - new position at work, LOVING Southern California still, and learning (still!) the slower rhythms of life as an adult
Join me if you dare.
As a means of commitment, whether or not I have any readers at all, I'm laying out here a few things I want to tackle in the coming weeks and months. Writing helps me to process my own thoughts, as well as document my experiences, so here's what I plan to blog about:
1. Stewardship - including tithing, generosity (today!), and areas beyond finances
2. My 30-Before-30 list - items already accomplished as well as what's next
3. Church.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Quote
"It's slightly disappointing, but I never heard the workers sing on our site (where they were building our house in Haiti). Perhaps we live too close to the city, where modernity has trumped tradition: they listened to battery-powered, static-drenched radios instead. I'm grateful first for their friendship and for their profound influence over my choices. Though they don't sing aloud about my stinginess or generosity, they still have a sort of lyrical power over me as my neighbors. This wasn't the case when I gave my money to the cashier at Wal-Mart or the local drugstore and then walked out with a product that was put together by who-knows-who in who-knows-where in what-kind-of-conditions on the other side of the globe. Globalization has important efficacy advantages but also helps us evade the discomfort of knowing the people we do commerce with (to our advantage). And it's not that personal connection necessarily precludes exploitation, but at least when it's personal the exploiter has more chance of understanding and changing--or at minimum might feel how much the exploiting costs his or her own soul."
- Annan, Kent. Following Jesus Through the Eye of the Needle: Living Fully, Loving Dangerously. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2009. p170-171
- Annan, Kent. Following Jesus Through the Eye of the Needle: Living Fully, Loving Dangerously. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 2009. p170-171
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Lost the plot
I kind of lost my vision for why I was writing this blog. So I just didn't write for a long time. And I'm not sure where to go from here, so it's just my ramblings, which is actually quite easily described by "my journey in heart and space", so it all fits, in the end.
Today, I saw the (beautiful and amazing!) wedding photos of a girl who was an elementary school camper when I was a counselor for church camp. I felt a) old and b) very single. Ouch.
Tonight, I went to the going away party of a couple (and their kids) who I got to know fairly well as part of my cohort group the 2 years I was in school. One of the options they are looking into is to join a c-planting team in northern India. My heart leapt into my throat! A flame sparked that has been hidden for a long time.
I went on a road trip with Judy last week. Judy's pretty quiet, and she told me from the get-go not to expect her to talk that much. I was happy to chat enough for the both of us the first few days, but by the last 2 days, driving over half of our 1724 miles, I started projecting onto her my own reasons for silence. I clam up when I'm hurt, annoyed, angry, or irritable. So I started wondering if Judy felt like that, and I had to remind myself that she wasn't mad, she's just quiet. She actually can and will be pretty forthright and honest when something isn't right, and I had to trust that she would have communicated something to me if I had offended her. (Right, Judy, if you're reading this?!) So it was a good self-awareness lesson.
I am now working (and have been for over 8 months) for a large, international, Christian, non-profit organization. About half our budget comes from child sponsorship (where a person sends in $35/month to sponsor a kid from an impoverished country and keeps his/her photo on his fridge). I like my job, to a large degree, but it's definitely a stepping stone to something else. Trouble is, I don't exactly know what that "something else" is. I do know I plan to live overseas in the future, hopefully doing more on-the-ground project management-type stuff. But my current position as an admin assistant isn't specifically going to open the doors that direction, so perhaps there are a few more steps between here and there. We shall see.
I'm going home for a few days in August. My sister, brother-in-law, and my new niece will be there! I'm excited to see them all, and of course my parents and cat, too. I also am looking forward to reconnecting with old friends, one in particular that has been a bit of a rocky relationship in the past year. We'll see if that person makes time to see me or not. But at least the beach will be there! And a NIECE!!
Today, I saw the (beautiful and amazing!) wedding photos of a girl who was an elementary school camper when I was a counselor for church camp. I felt a) old and b) very single. Ouch.
Tonight, I went to the going away party of a couple (and their kids) who I got to know fairly well as part of my cohort group the 2 years I was in school. One of the options they are looking into is to join a c-planting team in northern India. My heart leapt into my throat! A flame sparked that has been hidden for a long time.
I went on a road trip with Judy last week. Judy's pretty quiet, and she told me from the get-go not to expect her to talk that much. I was happy to chat enough for the both of us the first few days, but by the last 2 days, driving over half of our 1724 miles, I started projecting onto her my own reasons for silence. I clam up when I'm hurt, annoyed, angry, or irritable. So I started wondering if Judy felt like that, and I had to remind myself that she wasn't mad, she's just quiet. She actually can and will be pretty forthright and honest when something isn't right, and I had to trust that she would have communicated something to me if I had offended her. (Right, Judy, if you're reading this?!) So it was a good self-awareness lesson.
I am now working (and have been for over 8 months) for a large, international, Christian, non-profit organization. About half our budget comes from child sponsorship (where a person sends in $35/month to sponsor a kid from an impoverished country and keeps his/her photo on his fridge). I like my job, to a large degree, but it's definitely a stepping stone to something else. Trouble is, I don't exactly know what that "something else" is. I do know I plan to live overseas in the future, hopefully doing more on-the-ground project management-type stuff. But my current position as an admin assistant isn't specifically going to open the doors that direction, so perhaps there are a few more steps between here and there. We shall see.
I'm going home for a few days in August. My sister, brother-in-law, and my new niece will be there! I'm excited to see them all, and of course my parents and cat, too. I also am looking forward to reconnecting with old friends, one in particular that has been a bit of a rocky relationship in the past year. We'll see if that person makes time to see me or not. But at least the beach will be there! And a NIECE!!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Hope I
I have been thinking a lot about hope recently, as a concept. I feel like there might be some deeper lessons in this, so I am planning to revisit it in the future. For now, a story.
Several years ago, my life felt like it ended. What I had been working toward for months, years, or possibly even my life had abruptly ended. At least, that's how it felt to me. My life had been building up to this one thing, and it had been taken away from me. I was completely crushed, and I didn't know where to turn. I literally had no idea what else to so with my life, and I was completely devastated.
In my agony and pain, I wanted to express on the outside what I felt on the inside, even if it was a bit dramatic. So during a worship set led by some of my favorite worship leaders ever, I found myself in the back of the room, on my knees, bawling my eyes out. I was in agony, crying out to the Lord, without a hope in the world.
In my mind's eye, a scene flashed before me. A middle-aged woman with brown skin and long dark hair, dressed in a beautiful sari, was in the middle of a crowd. She had flung her body over a rectangular wooden box: the casket of her son, the pride of her life. She wept sobs that wracked her body, mourning his death as her own.
In an instant, I felt the Lord gently ask me, "Why are you crying? This woman has no hope. You at least have hope."
God wasn't being rude or a jerk about it, but he did have a point. Even though it felt like my life was over, I still had a lot to live for. Even though I had no idea what to do with my life, I still had hope. I still had Jesus.
Several years ago, my life felt like it ended. What I had been working toward for months, years, or possibly even my life had abruptly ended. At least, that's how it felt to me. My life had been building up to this one thing, and it had been taken away from me. I was completely crushed, and I didn't know where to turn. I literally had no idea what else to so with my life, and I was completely devastated.
In my agony and pain, I wanted to express on the outside what I felt on the inside, even if it was a bit dramatic. So during a worship set led by some of my favorite worship leaders ever, I found myself in the back of the room, on my knees, bawling my eyes out. I was in agony, crying out to the Lord, without a hope in the world.
In my mind's eye, a scene flashed before me. A middle-aged woman with brown skin and long dark hair, dressed in a beautiful sari, was in the middle of a crowd. She had flung her body over a rectangular wooden box: the casket of her son, the pride of her life. She wept sobs that wracked her body, mourning his death as her own.
In an instant, I felt the Lord gently ask me, "Why are you crying? This woman has no hope. You at least have hope."
God wasn't being rude or a jerk about it, but he did have a point. Even though it felt like my life was over, I still had a lot to live for. Even though I had no idea what to do with my life, I still had hope. I still had Jesus.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
song lyrics
The J Band - Take Our Turn lyrics
Looking down a young man's seen
Waltzing once past everything
He takes a knee and pray
A father trains his king to be
It's the night that he runs free
He walks along castle walls
And looks upon, did he give up it all
Hey, we lay our burdens down,
Lord we burn 'em to the ground
Hey, we'll take our turn and die
For our souls to come to life
He found himself in foreign land
No one else with him to stand
But the mad man, the drunkard, and he
Together they went traveling on,
Singin' "Friends, we have become."
He turns to the call
Oh, he gave up it all
Hey, we lay our burdens down,
Lord, we burn 'em to the ground
Hey, we'll take our turn and die
For our souls to come alive
He remembers this one time when he
Saw a small child,
For one moment give one, one small smile
He thought that maybe,
That maybe the smile was meant for him
That the smile was meant for him
Hey, we lay our burdens down,
Lord, we burn 'em to the ground
Hey, we take our turn and die
For our souls to come to life
Looking down a young man's seen
Waltzing once past everything
He takes a knee and pray
A father trains his king to be
It's the night that he runs free
He walks along castle walls
And looks upon, did he give up it all
Hey, we lay our burdens down,
Lord we burn 'em to the ground
Hey, we'll take our turn and die
For our souls to come to life
He found himself in foreign land
No one else with him to stand
But the mad man, the drunkard, and he
Together they went traveling on,
Singin' "Friends, we have become."
He turns to the call
Oh, he gave up it all
Hey, we lay our burdens down,
Lord, we burn 'em to the ground
Hey, we'll take our turn and die
For our souls to come alive
He remembers this one time when he
Saw a small child,
For one moment give one, one small smile
He thought that maybe,
That maybe the smile was meant for him
That the smile was meant for him
Hey, we lay our burdens down,
Lord, we burn 'em to the ground
Hey, we take our turn and die
For our souls to come to life
Saturday, October 16, 2010
10 days later
The boredom has set in. But not for long! I'm going on a road trip!
I'm leaving Monday for a 5-day road trip with my friend Julie from Pasadena, CA to Gallatin, TN (outside Nashville). She is moving back to her hometown, and I am along for the ride! We plan to travel in at least 10 states (maybe 11 depending on which route we take), see friends in Colorado, and visit at least 2 National Parks, probably 3 and maybe even 4. I. Am. Excited!
So in the meantime, I am thinking and praying and pondering my next steps. At the end of the day, it comes down to what do I WANT to do next? Cos if I don't want to do it, I won't put much energy into it. So what do I want to do? What am I passionate about? Where do I want to be in 10 years? Ah, the possibilities.
Pray for me!
I'm leaving Monday for a 5-day road trip with my friend Julie from Pasadena, CA to Gallatin, TN (outside Nashville). She is moving back to her hometown, and I am along for the ride! We plan to travel in at least 10 states (maybe 11 depending on which route we take), see friends in Colorado, and visit at least 2 National Parks, probably 3 and maybe even 4. I. Am. Excited!
So in the meantime, I am thinking and praying and pondering my next steps. At the end of the day, it comes down to what do I WANT to do next? Cos if I don't want to do it, I won't put much energy into it. So what do I want to do? What am I passionate about? Where do I want to be in 10 years? Ah, the possibilities.
Pray for me!
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
joy. peace. love.
I have never been happier.
I love my life. My heart overflows with love, joy, and peace. I cannot explain it in any way, other than to say that God is good, and his love is magnificent.
My way of life is not financially viable in the long run, but for now, taking it one day at a time has been awesome. Every day, I feel like I am playing a game: "What will God do today that will bless my socks off?"
Seriously, every day for weeks now, something has happened that has been a gift, an encouragement, or an affirmation. I can't explain it, but I KNOW that my God is taking care of me. He always has and he always will.
I don't know where I'm going next, but for now, I am content to love on my friends and let them love on me. I have time to notice the small things and to enjoy them. I have the time to volunteer my time and energy for others, to help friends or to help strangers. I am not so overwhelmed all the time that I'm constantly looking forward to whatever the next thing is on my agenda. I can BE wherever I am. I now have the gift of presence to give.
There are times that I am bored out of my mind, or worried about how I will pay my loans back in 6 short months. But the joy of living my life now far outweighs them.
Psalm 138, a la Dianne
I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods of materialism, anxiety and success I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, and not a minute later, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
All the kings and leaders and powers and prime ministers of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,
for they (will) have heard the words of your mouth,
and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
For great is the glory of the Lord!
For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly, the broken-hearted, the refugees, the victims, the oppressed.
But the haughty, the proud, the self-important he knows from afar.
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, unemployment, and lack of direction,
you preserve my life and bless it tremendously;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me with tenderness and compassion.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever!
Do not forsake me, the work of your hands.
I love my life. My heart overflows with love, joy, and peace. I cannot explain it in any way, other than to say that God is good, and his love is magnificent.
My way of life is not financially viable in the long run, but for now, taking it one day at a time has been awesome. Every day, I feel like I am playing a game: "What will God do today that will bless my socks off?"
Seriously, every day for weeks now, something has happened that has been a gift, an encouragement, or an affirmation. I can't explain it, but I KNOW that my God is taking care of me. He always has and he always will.
I don't know where I'm going next, but for now, I am content to love on my friends and let them love on me. I have time to notice the small things and to enjoy them. I have the time to volunteer my time and energy for others, to help friends or to help strangers. I am not so overwhelmed all the time that I'm constantly looking forward to whatever the next thing is on my agenda. I can BE wherever I am. I now have the gift of presence to give.
There are times that I am bored out of my mind, or worried about how I will pay my loans back in 6 short months. But the joy of living my life now far outweighs them.
Psalm 138, a la Dianne
I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods of materialism, anxiety and success I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, and not a minute later, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
All the kings and leaders and powers and prime ministers of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,
for they (will) have heard the words of your mouth,
and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
For great is the glory of the Lord!
For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly, the broken-hearted, the refugees, the victims, the oppressed.
But the haughty, the proud, the self-important he knows from afar.
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, unemployment, and lack of direction,
you preserve my life and bless it tremendously;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me with tenderness and compassion.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever!
Do not forsake me, the work of your hands.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
job searching
So, perhaps this will be a blog about my job searching process. Or maybe not, because future employers might check up on it. Hmmmm...
So several thoughts.
1. Hope is essential. Without vision the people perish, and hope deferred makes the heart sick. But God has been good to me. He is gracious and compassionate, and I am so grateful.
I found out Monday that I didn't get the Colorado job. It hurt, but not because the job was a dream job, but because it was something. It was a path to follow, to learn in, and to grow in. It gave me a direction and an opportunity to start over and reinvent myself to some extent. That's what I'm mourning the loss of, more than the loss of a possible job.
But alongside that, is the idea that I've got some major school loans that aren't going to repay themselves. I can eek out a survival for a few months, but that's essentially how long it would be to actually start working a job that I'm applying for right now, anyway.
So Tuesday, a friend called me out of the blue and reminded me of an opportunity to earn a little cash this weekend by helping out a professor. It's not much, but every bit helps when you're unemployed. And I love the couple that needs help, so I look forward to the opportunity to chat with them a bit. She also told me that she's part of a group that needs childcare helpers one morning a week, for $10/hr. Again, not much, but something.
Today, my sister sent me an email about a paid fellowship to work under the director of a major non-profit. It's again, not a dream job, but would be an excellent learning experience and it's paid! It's honestly the kind of learning experience that I wish Fuller had offered to me as a student. So that position, coupled with my recently earned Master's degree, could actually be an ideal launching pad for whatever's next.
2. I had a mentor who constantly told me not to self-edit when job searching. He said that companies dream up the ideal applicant, but are willing to accept someone who meets maybe 80% of the qualifications listed on their posting. Therefore, I should apply for jobs in which I don't meet the minimum requirements. Let them edit me out, I should always apply.
So what happens when I'm a perfect fit for the job description, where I do meet 100% of the qualifications, but I still don't get chosen? It's got to be something more at that point.
3. I've spent at least 8 hours in the past few days looking online for jobs to apply for. Of the positions that are in non-profit, 75% of them are "development", as in fund-raising. That's an area I have no experience in, and I don't do it well. I'm not a very convincing person, and I don't want to in any way manipulate people into doing something they don't want to do, ie give money to my organization. Especially if it's not a cause I don't have a huge passion for. There are many great causes out there, and I respect them, but personally, I can't in good conscience try to convince people to give them money. At least not if that's 90% of my job. I'd be willing to try of it's only 10% of my job description.
The next 10% of jobs that I've found that look interesting are "unpaid internships" or "volunteer positions". AKA, they don't pay a dime. Which, as we discussed under #1, is not an option with student loans hanging over my head. Which is quite unfortunate for me and the organization, because a lot of them are jobs that I would do very well in.
Then 10% are positions that require 10-15 years technical experience. They are generally for positions like "executive director" or "program manager", positions that I really am not qualified for, even though they look very interesting and, to some extent, feel like I could do.
So several thoughts.
1. Hope is essential. Without vision the people perish, and hope deferred makes the heart sick. But God has been good to me. He is gracious and compassionate, and I am so grateful.
I found out Monday that I didn't get the Colorado job. It hurt, but not because the job was a dream job, but because it was something. It was a path to follow, to learn in, and to grow in. It gave me a direction and an opportunity to start over and reinvent myself to some extent. That's what I'm mourning the loss of, more than the loss of a possible job.
But alongside that, is the idea that I've got some major school loans that aren't going to repay themselves. I can eek out a survival for a few months, but that's essentially how long it would be to actually start working a job that I'm applying for right now, anyway.
So Tuesday, a friend called me out of the blue and reminded me of an opportunity to earn a little cash this weekend by helping out a professor. It's not much, but every bit helps when you're unemployed. And I love the couple that needs help, so I look forward to the opportunity to chat with them a bit. She also told me that she's part of a group that needs childcare helpers one morning a week, for $10/hr. Again, not much, but something.
Today, my sister sent me an email about a paid fellowship to work under the director of a major non-profit. It's again, not a dream job, but would be an excellent learning experience and it's paid! It's honestly the kind of learning experience that I wish Fuller had offered to me as a student. So that position, coupled with my recently earned Master's degree, could actually be an ideal launching pad for whatever's next.
2. I had a mentor who constantly told me not to self-edit when job searching. He said that companies dream up the ideal applicant, but are willing to accept someone who meets maybe 80% of the qualifications listed on their posting. Therefore, I should apply for jobs in which I don't meet the minimum requirements. Let them edit me out, I should always apply.
So what happens when I'm a perfect fit for the job description, where I do meet 100% of the qualifications, but I still don't get chosen? It's got to be something more at that point.
3. I've spent at least 8 hours in the past few days looking online for jobs to apply for. Of the positions that are in non-profit, 75% of them are "development", as in fund-raising. That's an area I have no experience in, and I don't do it well. I'm not a very convincing person, and I don't want to in any way manipulate people into doing something they don't want to do, ie give money to my organization. Especially if it's not a cause I don't have a huge passion for. There are many great causes out there, and I respect them, but personally, I can't in good conscience try to convince people to give them money. At least not if that's 90% of my job. I'd be willing to try of it's only 10% of my job description.
The next 10% of jobs that I've found that look interesting are "unpaid internships" or "volunteer positions". AKA, they don't pay a dime. Which, as we discussed under #1, is not an option with student loans hanging over my head. Which is quite unfortunate for me and the organization, because a lot of them are jobs that I would do very well in.
Then 10% are positions that require 10-15 years technical experience. They are generally for positions like "executive director" or "program manager", positions that I really am not qualified for, even though they look very interesting and, to some extent, feel like I could do.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Answer #1
Somehow, it came already.
"As I stand on the edge of "what in the world is next" and "how do I put this education to good use," I thought, "Man, I spent a lot of money on this degree. Was it worth it?" And I just came to the conclusion that it was worth it. Simply by the fact that I am cherishing these friendships and the memories of both living in L.A. and the times since, I wouldn't change the past, I cannot regret the dollars spent on grad school. These people have inspired and challenged me and whether they know it or now, they are helping me change, shaping me every day.
And they make me laugh. Every day."
Thanks, Jackie.
"As I stand on the edge of "what in the world is next" and "how do I put this education to good use," I thought, "Man, I spent a lot of money on this degree. Was it worth it?" And I just came to the conclusion that it was worth it. Simply by the fact that I am cherishing these friendships and the memories of both living in L.A. and the times since, I wouldn't change the past, I cannot regret the dollars spent on grad school. These people have inspired and challenged me and whether they know it or now, they are helping me change, shaping me every day.
And they make me laugh. Every day."
Thanks, Jackie.
Test #1
Um, hi.
This is a test.
I am a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. But will it stay? Will the old person resurface inside of me? Will old habits, thought patterns, insecurities find space again in my heart and mind?
This is a test. Pray for me.
This is a test.
I am a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. But will it stay? Will the old person resurface inside of me? Will old habits, thought patterns, insecurities find space again in my heart and mind?
This is a test. Pray for me.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
back from China
It strikes me as ironic that my URL is "India on my mind", but I just returned from 2 months in China. A friend there suggested that few people like both India and China, they usually hate one and love the other. I neither loved nor hated China, and I have yet to go to India. It makes me wonder how I will like it!
So I've been back on US soil for less than 48 hours, and already I hate re-entry. My first few hours were great. My friend Libby picked me up from the airport and we went straight to my friend Eric's going away party. He is moving to Scotland, and I've already been planning my trip to the UK! It was great that I got to see him before he left, and it was fun to see a few other friends, too.
Yesterday I didn't leave my apartment all day. I spent most of it vegging on the couch. I didn't have the mental capacity to start my schoolwork yet, but I did unpack and do 4 loads of laundry. However, I foolishly didn't go to bed until 5am, then slept until 2pm. I'm already regretting that one! I didn't sleep that well. For the second night, I kept waking up, confused about which Asian city I was in! I think if I had gone to bed by a decent hour, I could have avoided the jetlag thing entirely.
So it's now 5pm, and I've gotten out of bed once: to make a pot of coffee to stave off the caffeine headache. It's strange to not have a job to go to, or any other commitments that require my presence at a certain time and place.
My friend Brian called me at 3pm. He was on his way home from work on the East Coast, I still hadn't gotten out of bed. He asked about China, but I'm already tired of talking about it. I'm sure I'll get into a routine - find a speech and repeat it over again to everyone who asks. If you read this and talk to me about China, it will probably be better for both of us if you ask me a more original question. I will appreciate the opportunity to think about a different aspect of my trip, and you'll get more than the standard reply. ;-) But I promise to answer even the more boring questions.
Thanks for checking back into my blog after a 3-month hiatus! There is more to come, I think, now that I'm state-side and job hunting!
So I've been back on US soil for less than 48 hours, and already I hate re-entry. My first few hours were great. My friend Libby picked me up from the airport and we went straight to my friend Eric's going away party. He is moving to Scotland, and I've already been planning my trip to the UK! It was great that I got to see him before he left, and it was fun to see a few other friends, too.
Yesterday I didn't leave my apartment all day. I spent most of it vegging on the couch. I didn't have the mental capacity to start my schoolwork yet, but I did unpack and do 4 loads of laundry. However, I foolishly didn't go to bed until 5am, then slept until 2pm. I'm already regretting that one! I didn't sleep that well. For the second night, I kept waking up, confused about which Asian city I was in! I think if I had gone to bed by a decent hour, I could have avoided the jetlag thing entirely.
So it's now 5pm, and I've gotten out of bed once: to make a pot of coffee to stave off the caffeine headache. It's strange to not have a job to go to, or any other commitments that require my presence at a certain time and place.
My friend Brian called me at 3pm. He was on his way home from work on the East Coast, I still hadn't gotten out of bed. He asked about China, but I'm already tired of talking about it. I'm sure I'll get into a routine - find a speech and repeat it over again to everyone who asks. If you read this and talk to me about China, it will probably be better for both of us if you ask me a more original question. I will appreciate the opportunity to think about a different aspect of my trip, and you'll get more than the standard reply. ;-) But I promise to answer even the more boring questions.
Thanks for checking back into my blog after a 3-month hiatus! There is more to come, I think, now that I'm state-side and job hunting!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Community Takes Time
So I've been in Pasadena for 20 months now. And I've potentially only got between 6 weeks and the rest of my life left. ;-)
I got out of my apartment this morning to attend the "Peace and Justice Concerns" meeting. My friend Sara invited me to hear her speak about her recent trip to Haiti, about 6 weeks after the earthquake. I loved hearing her own words about her experience, and she also shared a Lament for Haiti, written by the president and CEO of Food for the Hungry, Benjamin K. Homan. It is a moving piece that I would have loved to have read during my Old Testament Writings class when we studied Lamentations. The modern application of the Scriptures is transformative for me. I'm grateful for this example to use as a model for the suffering I will undoubtedly come across in my future.
As I left the meeting, I passed by a few friends. I chatted with Katy about what classes and assignments we are working on this week. I caught up with Bryant, the professor of one of my classes, to clarify with him what our final paper is supposed to be about. I then came to the library and found Matt, with whom I discussed the same paper and our plans for the weekend. Now as I sit near the entrance, I am able to wave to friends as they pass by to study.
A few of these people I met my first quarter here, but many I've met in recent weeks. With some I am able to share deeper things that I am working through, and with some I have more surface-level conversations.
I went camping this past weekend, in celebration of my friend Eric's 30th birthday. Of the 9 of us there, by the end of the weekend, I was the only one still in my 20's. :-) Most of the group is a part of the same small group that has existed for 6+ years. These people have been friends a long time! Even though I had just met them, I could see they shared deep friendships. They were comfortable with each other and confident in their friendships. There was an intangible quality of love and security that wasn't limited to their group, but included me and another friend who wasn't part of their small group. It was so refreshing to me to included and accepted into this group of mature friendship.
So as I reflect on my time here in Pasadena, I can see how true community takes time. It takes commitment to one another beyond the demands of school, work, and family. It takes a selfless love that doesn't leave room for competition or jealousy. It takes sustained months and years of continued relationship, and I was so grateful to witness that in this group of friends.
As I think about my impending departure, I am sad that I won't have the opportunity to build those deep friendships and relationships. I will still stay in touch with many of my classmates and friends here, and time will deepen those friendships as long as we stay in touch. But it isn't the same as living together, of doing life together. Nor does it discount the friendships that were only just made. I am thankful to get to know the new students this quarter and share life with them, if only for 10 weeks. That shorter relationship still has value.
But true community takes time, and I am grateful for the community that I left in Virginia that still has a deep hold on my life.
I got out of my apartment this morning to attend the "Peace and Justice Concerns" meeting. My friend Sara invited me to hear her speak about her recent trip to Haiti, about 6 weeks after the earthquake. I loved hearing her own words about her experience, and she also shared a Lament for Haiti, written by the president and CEO of Food for the Hungry, Benjamin K. Homan. It is a moving piece that I would have loved to have read during my Old Testament Writings class when we studied Lamentations. The modern application of the Scriptures is transformative for me. I'm grateful for this example to use as a model for the suffering I will undoubtedly come across in my future.
As I left the meeting, I passed by a few friends. I chatted with Katy about what classes and assignments we are working on this week. I caught up with Bryant, the professor of one of my classes, to clarify with him what our final paper is supposed to be about. I then came to the library and found Matt, with whom I discussed the same paper and our plans for the weekend. Now as I sit near the entrance, I am able to wave to friends as they pass by to study.
A few of these people I met my first quarter here, but many I've met in recent weeks. With some I am able to share deeper things that I am working through, and with some I have more surface-level conversations.
I went camping this past weekend, in celebration of my friend Eric's 30th birthday. Of the 9 of us there, by the end of the weekend, I was the only one still in my 20's. :-) Most of the group is a part of the same small group that has existed for 6+ years. These people have been friends a long time! Even though I had just met them, I could see they shared deep friendships. They were comfortable with each other and confident in their friendships. There was an intangible quality of love and security that wasn't limited to their group, but included me and another friend who wasn't part of their small group. It was so refreshing to me to included and accepted into this group of mature friendship.
So as I reflect on my time here in Pasadena, I can see how true community takes time. It takes commitment to one another beyond the demands of school, work, and family. It takes a selfless love that doesn't leave room for competition or jealousy. It takes sustained months and years of continued relationship, and I was so grateful to witness that in this group of friends.
As I think about my impending departure, I am sad that I won't have the opportunity to build those deep friendships and relationships. I will still stay in touch with many of my classmates and friends here, and time will deepen those friendships as long as we stay in touch. But it isn't the same as living together, of doing life together. Nor does it discount the friendships that were only just made. I am thankful to get to know the new students this quarter and share life with them, if only for 10 weeks. That shorter relationship still has value.
But true community takes time, and I am grateful for the community that I left in Virginia that still has a deep hold on my life.
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