i'm tired

i forget why it is good to live here. i don't want to live here anymore and i might go insane if i have to live here much longer. i keep thinking, just 6 more weeks, and i'll be gone. if only i had some certainty to know it is true.

i want to visit courtney, hillary and the schells in boston.

i want to visit katrina in seattle and christine in vancouver.

i want to visit bethany in chile. and ka ki in hong kong.

and most of all, i don't want to live in virginia beach anymore. have i mentioned that yet?

so this week has been a little harder than i was thinking it would be.

let the procrastination continue...

ok, i have seen this a few places, and i want to procrastinate even more, so here goes:

The Soundtrack of my life:
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool


Opening Credits: Single, Natasha Bedingfield

Waking Up: Food For Thought - UB40

First Day At School: Light In the Dark - A Few Young Fischermen

Falling In Love: Erosion - Switchfoot

Fight Song: Why Do I Feel So Sad - Alicia Keys

Breaking Up: Hound Dog - Elvis Presley

Prom: Out Of Bounds - Bon Jovi

Life's OK: This Was Good - Rita Springer

Mental Breakdown: Raga One: Alap & Jod - Ravi Shankar

Driving: Gifted Response (We Will Worship You) - Matt Redman

Flashback: Walking Away - Lifehouse

Getting Back Together: The Way You Do the Things You Do - UB40 (i didn't even realize i had this much UB40 on my ipod!)

Wedding: Micah 6:8 - Charlie Hall

Birth of Child: Beautiful - Bethany Dillon. Wow.

Final Battle: Tomorrow Belongs to Us - The Casualties

Death Scene: Si Te Vas - Shakira

Funeral Song: Ordinary - Train

End Credits: Blue Christmas - Brenda Lee

hmmm. interesting. some of them seem accurate, at least. but still kinda fun.

the map of my travels

it's interactive, to some degree. try playing with it!

I will not live my life in between anymore

Artist: Smalltown Poets
Album: Listen Closely
Track: Hold It Up To The Light


It's the choice of a lifetime & I'm almost sure
I will not live my life in between anymore
If I can't be certain of all that's in store
This far it feels so right
I will hold it up hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

The search for my future has brought me here
This is more than I'd hoped for, but sometimes I fear
That the choice I was made for will someday appear
And I'll be too late for that flight
So hold it up hold it up to the light,
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light

I said God, will you bless this decision?
I'm scared. Is my life at stake?
But I know if you gave me a vision
Would I never have reason to use my faith?

Now as soon as I'm moving my choice is good
This way comes through right where I prayed that it would
If I keep my eyes open and look where I should
Somehow all of the signs are in sight
If I hold up the light

It's too late to be stopped at the crossroads
Each life here and each a possible way
But wait and they all will be lost roads
Each path's growing shorter the longer I stay

I was dead with deciding and afraid to choose
I was mourning the loss of the choices I'd lose
But there's no choice at all if I don't make my move
And trust that the timing is right
I will hold it up hold it up to the light
Hold it up to the light, hold it up to the light.

a thousand thoughts and a million emotions

um, i don't really know where to start or what to say, except that man, God is good.

i've had a few AMAZING conversations in the past week; they kind of shake up the world i thought i was living in, a bit. i realize i interact with people differently than i thought i did, i realize a few relationships are different than i thought they were. i realize i can stay out/up later than i thought and still exist (i got too much sleep in college and missed out on a lot of fun). i am ready to "move on" in my life and say goodbye to this chapter, but i am so scared that i will repeat it for another year, or more. i do realize that i have no idea what God has in store for my future, really, even if i think i do.

i applied for 2 jobs recently - one stateside, in one of 6 locations (DC, atlanta, norman, eugene OR, houston, east lansing MI), the other overseas (location not yet determined). i think i would LOVE either one, and i really really really hope to be offered at least one of them. if i get offered both, i'm not really sure which i would pick. but, oh God, please don't make me stay in VB.

on the other side of that, i am enjoying my relationship with my parents and the depths of relationship i am finally enjoying with my friends here. but i am also certain they are the kinds of friendships that will stay with me for a long time, no matter what continent i'm on. which is a good thing, since i hope to be on other continents within the next few years, even if the 2nd job doesn't come thru.

for the last week or so, i have felt "wrapped in grace". i'm not really sure i can describe that feeling, except to say it is a kind of culmination, or perhaps conglomeration, of a lot of different thoughts and experiences and lessons for a few years now. but let me tell you, it is one of the most secure feelings, despite circumstances and despite people (we all suck, sometimes, even when we don't mean to). i am so SO thankful to God for a number of things - things that He kept me out of and safe from when i couldn't understand why i wasn't "being let in on" them or when my own legalism and self-righteousness/superiority kept me away. i am thankful for some of the hardest seasons, when God proved to me, in the end (or more likely i couldn't see it until the end), His goodness, faithfulness and love for me. i am thankful that my relationship with God is unique, because it really is a relationship, and it doesn't have to look like or work like anyone else's relationship with God. i am thankful that i stayed blinded to so many things that i would have worried and obsessed over unnecessarily. and i am so SO thankful that God has allowed me to have a wise perspective in these things now.

Titus 2:11-14 (ESV)
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, [12] training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, [13] waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, [14] who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.


Romans 6:14 (ESV)
For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

1 Cor. 15:10 (ESV)
But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

2 Cor. 4:15 (ESV)
For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

2 Cor. 9:8 (ESV)
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

Ephes. 2:8 (ESV)
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

1 Peter 1:13 (ESV)
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 4:10 (ESV)
As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:

1 Peter 5:10 (ESV)
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.


2 Peter 3:18 (ESV)
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.

wow. "wrapped in grace".