i finally get it.

at least a piece of it.

we were never the friends i thought we were. which is why you could hurt me so easily. which is why you didn't even know you were hurting me so much. i came to you, told you my heart, and you were kind. but you didn't reciprocate. i thought you were trying, now i realize i was fooling myself. you hide from the world, but not a select few. and i'm not one of those few. i thought i was on the way to being one of them, but you never intended for me to be one of them.

and so we're back to pleasantries. and i long to tell you my heart, but i don't trust you with it anymore. and i can't not share myself with you, though i wish i could refrain. but i won't give you my heart. not anymore.

i finally get it.