i'm beginning to remember...

i'm beginning to remember why, when i left FC the last day of school last year, i told myself (and others) i wouldn't mind if i never stepped foot in a high school ever again, except perhaps my kids' (if i want to procreate). i had a pretty good 12th grade english class today. they were behaved and did what i asked of them. but i was till bored out of my mind on my off block, and during my 4th block study block. i hated it. not to mention i hate the politics of the "subbing world". i hate how they play favorites, but it's never based on how good of a sub you actually are. no one ever checks in on me or watches me, they have no idea how well i, or anyone else, actually handles a class. i hate whingeing so much, but i'm just so sick of it, yet i don't know what else to do. i pretty much hate sitting around all day, so i am thankful to be out of the house and actually making money, but i also hate subbing. i don't want to be there, either. i'm not sure i'll go back. i feel like crap about it all.

i really REALLY REALLY hope i hear from the places i applied for a job soon. this waiting stuff sucks. i am so thankful it's only a phase, but man, what if it's not? what if i never hear from either of the places i applied? i don't know what i would do then, but i HAVE to do something other than sub more and live at home. UUUUGH.