more random thoughts...

so my family is really pretty good, overall. i'm thankful for them, even when i don't really want to be around them. and really, it's that i don't want to be in va beach at all, not that i want away from my family. but don't get me wrong, i'm glad i'm not sharing a bathroom with 4 adults anymore.

Christmas was pretty good. i made the best stuffing i've ever had. we made the same stuffing at thanksgiving, but we only had polish sausage, not italian, and my oh my has the italian sausage made all the difference! that, and the 2 eggs and 1c sour cream that i forgot to put in it last time. YUM. i also made a pretty stinking good raspberry chocolate truffle cheesecake. my brother in law said it's better than the cheesecake factory.

in sadder news, the little glass christmas tree i bought my mom in venice and carried around for 5 weeks got knocked over and broke into 16 pieces. we both cried. the good news is that the same brother in law bought some special glue and has really steady hands and helped glue the big pieces together. the smaller pieces i think i can get later. well, i hope.

I GOT TO TALK TO KA KI LAST NIGHT!!! wow, i was so excited! if you're reading this, THANK YOU, KA KI!!! ka ki is a friend of mine from OU. she is so stinking awesome, and i was so glad to hear from her! she was really encouraging, too, and just talking to her gave me some great perspective. it is so great to know i'm in the same boat as many other "recent" grads... knowing it's a big world out there, and i have so many doors open to me, but which ones to pursue? and where did all my friends and support system, and instant relationships with classmates and colleagues go? and oh, yeah, what am i doing with my life? i definitely think these first few years after college (ok, 1.5 so far) are the hardest. and i definitely think that is the case with so many of us these days. most campus ministries, for one, don't necessarily do a good job preparing us for life after college. and one reason, as i think about it, is that they don't really know about it... most of the campus crusade staffers at my school started on staff right after college themselves. so in a sense, they never left the college world and entered the "real world" or the work force. but those are more thoughts for a later date...

so i was planning to go up to DC and see dustin and clayton on thurs. but then i got an invitation to go to their baby shower on sat. i can't go both days, which day do i choose?

the weather yesterday was wicked! the high was 71, at 10pm! we were just getting out of the movies, and it was SO warm! 71, to be exact! oy! at midnight, as i walked around the block while talking to ka ki, i passed a guy who had been out running, and i wanted to run, too. it was POURING rain as we entered the movie theater at 730, and if it were pouring at midnight, i definitely would have gone running, too. speaking of, i may have a running date with abbey tomorrow morning... hmmm... that will come early!

paris pictures, finally!!

http://ou.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2099178&l=8fe94&id=9605288

so these are finally my pictures from paris, my first (and last, but no pics) of my europe journey. when i needed to empty my memory card, i uploaded all the pics to kodak photo gallery. but i doubt you want to look at all 500 pics there, these are just the best/most interesting 18. but if you are interested in seeing them all, let me know, i'll send you the link.

at any rate, enjoy these, 4 months later! i was in paris the last few days of august.

a few ramblings.

thank you to all you guys who i saw last night. i had a great time with y'all! i am so glad you guys are my friends, and i am honored to live this life with you.

i keep dreaming about morocco. more specifically, about being a tour guide with intrepid there. i still haven't heard back from them, and at this point, i'm not all that hopeful. but obviously i'm still dreaming...

i got all these books from the library that i can't read. one is a bout 2 guys who kayak half the way around australia. one is about a woman who walks the inca trail in peru. another is about a guy and his team that walk from the peak of kilimanjaro to the indian ocean. i just get too jealous and am mad that i can't do any of those things right now.

i am feeling more hopeful, at least right now, that i WILL be moving on, in at least SOME aspect of my life, in the near future.

in the meantime, i need patience. not only for the "job search/career search/life search", but in seeing my family over this holiday. oy. grandmother comes in this afternoon (i have more cleaning to do...) and michelle and lee come in on friday morning. for those that are local, please feel free to kidnap me at any time. ooh, even better, those that are NOT local should kidnap me!! :-P :-D

rosamond damron died this morning. she used to live 2 doors down from us, then moved back to her hometown in kentucky a few years ago. she was a sweet woman and dearly loved by her 7th grad students. she and her husband were my "halfway" point when i went back and forth to oklahoma. the last time i saw her is when i went to the passion conference in nashville, last jan. i drove up to see them one afternoon to visit and catch up. please be praying for her family, in particular her daughter amy and granddaughter chelsea. and of course her husband dave.

i had a good time at my family reunion/Christmas party this past weekend in Christiansburg. i really enjoy seeing my cousins and aunts and uncles. all my favorites were there, and i enjoyed catching up with them all.

i went walking yesterday on the noland trail, around the maritime museum in newport news. it was 5mi, and my legs are feeling it today. but it's a good feeling. i also got to check out trader joe's, since it was "close", aka, also in newport news (not all that close, but closer than i usually ever am).

did i mention how much i like my friends. y'all rock.

still waiting...

and it's odd how God answers some of my prayers, then shows me i really don't want it to happen that way at all.

my life

does my life have purpose? how long till i find out what it is?

i'm beginning to remember...

i'm beginning to remember why, when i left FC the last day of school last year, i told myself (and others) i wouldn't mind if i never stepped foot in a high school ever again, except perhaps my kids' (if i want to procreate). i had a pretty good 12th grade english class today. they were behaved and did what i asked of them. but i was till bored out of my mind on my off block, and during my 4th block study block. i hated it. not to mention i hate the politics of the "subbing world". i hate how they play favorites, but it's never based on how good of a sub you actually are. no one ever checks in on me or watches me, they have no idea how well i, or anyone else, actually handles a class. i hate whingeing so much, but i'm just so sick of it, yet i don't know what else to do. i pretty much hate sitting around all day, so i am thankful to be out of the house and actually making money, but i also hate subbing. i don't want to be there, either. i'm not sure i'll go back. i feel like crap about it all.

i really REALLY REALLY hope i hear from the places i applied for a job soon. this waiting stuff sucks. i am so thankful it's only a phase, but man, what if it's not? what if i never hear from either of the places i applied? i don't know what i would do then, but i HAVE to do something other than sub more and live at home. UUUUGH.

everything you bless is not what i'd planned

All my restless heart could do is cry
I stepped on out into the night
The tides turned again and nothing felt right
I searched for truth I sought your light
and all my restless heart could do is cry

Chorus:
Everything I held is out of my hands
Everything you bless is not what I’d planned
Not what I’d seen, not what I’d dreamed

My hearts hope will rise and fall with the wind
A gentle breeze will blow me over again
I’m walking unstable

And all the things I held
Were dragging my heart so far down
And the things I’d dreamed were nothing, Nothing as they’d seemed
And then I question you
And doubt you as the God I know
But all over again, you saved me from myself

i heard this song on the radio as i drove home tonite, and not only did i like the sound of the song, the lyrics hit me like a 2x4 upside the head. the song is "out of my hands" by the turning, on the album "learning to lose". i immediately came home and bought the song on itunes... while i accepted a subbing job for cox tomorrow. back into a world i was so, so, SO glad to leave. so yet again, everything You bless is not what i'd planned...

i'm tired

i forget why it is good to live here. i don't want to live here anymore and i might go insane if i have to live here much longer. i keep thinking, just 6 more weeks, and i'll be gone. if only i had some certainty to know it is true.

i want to visit courtney, hillary and the schells in boston.

i want to visit katrina in seattle and christine in vancouver.

i want to visit bethany in chile. and ka ki in hong kong.

and most of all, i don't want to live in virginia beach anymore. have i mentioned that yet?

so this week has been a little harder than i was thinking it would be.