The boredom has set in. But not for long! I'm going on a road trip!
I'm leaving Monday for a 5-day road trip with my friend Julie from Pasadena, CA to Gallatin, TN (outside Nashville). She is moving back to her hometown, and I am along for the ride! We plan to travel in at least 10 states (maybe 11 depending on which route we take), see friends in Colorado, and visit at least 2 National Parks, probably 3 and maybe even 4. I. Am. Excited!
So in the meantime, I am thinking and praying and pondering my next steps. At the end of the day, it comes down to what do I WANT to do next? Cos if I don't want to do it, I won't put much energy into it. So what do I want to do? What am I passionate about? Where do I want to be in 10 years? Ah, the possibilities.
Pray for me!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
joy. peace. love.
I have never been happier.
I love my life. My heart overflows with love, joy, and peace. I cannot explain it in any way, other than to say that God is good, and his love is magnificent.
My way of life is not financially viable in the long run, but for now, taking it one day at a time has been awesome. Every day, I feel like I am playing a game: "What will God do today that will bless my socks off?"
Seriously, every day for weeks now, something has happened that has been a gift, an encouragement, or an affirmation. I can't explain it, but I KNOW that my God is taking care of me. He always has and he always will.
I don't know where I'm going next, but for now, I am content to love on my friends and let them love on me. I have time to notice the small things and to enjoy them. I have the time to volunteer my time and energy for others, to help friends or to help strangers. I am not so overwhelmed all the time that I'm constantly looking forward to whatever the next thing is on my agenda. I can BE wherever I am. I now have the gift of presence to give.
There are times that I am bored out of my mind, or worried about how I will pay my loans back in 6 short months. But the joy of living my life now far outweighs them.
Psalm 138, a la Dianne
I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods of materialism, anxiety and success I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, and not a minute later, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
All the kings and leaders and powers and prime ministers of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,
for they (will) have heard the words of your mouth,
and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
For great is the glory of the Lord!
For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly, the broken-hearted, the refugees, the victims, the oppressed.
But the haughty, the proud, the self-important he knows from afar.
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, unemployment, and lack of direction,
you preserve my life and bless it tremendously;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me with tenderness and compassion.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever!
Do not forsake me, the work of your hands.
I love my life. My heart overflows with love, joy, and peace. I cannot explain it in any way, other than to say that God is good, and his love is magnificent.
My way of life is not financially viable in the long run, but for now, taking it one day at a time has been awesome. Every day, I feel like I am playing a game: "What will God do today that will bless my socks off?"
Seriously, every day for weeks now, something has happened that has been a gift, an encouragement, or an affirmation. I can't explain it, but I KNOW that my God is taking care of me. He always has and he always will.
I don't know where I'm going next, but for now, I am content to love on my friends and let them love on me. I have time to notice the small things and to enjoy them. I have the time to volunteer my time and energy for others, to help friends or to help strangers. I am not so overwhelmed all the time that I'm constantly looking forward to whatever the next thing is on my agenda. I can BE wherever I am. I now have the gift of presence to give.
There are times that I am bored out of my mind, or worried about how I will pay my loans back in 6 short months. But the joy of living my life now far outweighs them.
Psalm 138, a la Dianne
I give you thanks, O Lord, with my whole heart;
before the gods of materialism, anxiety and success I sing your praise;
I bow down toward your holy temple
and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,
for you have exalted above all things
your name and your word.
On the day I called, and not a minute later, you answered me;
my strength of soul you increased.
All the kings and leaders and powers and prime ministers of the earth shall give you thanks, O Lord,
for they (will) have heard the words of your mouth,
and they shall sing of the ways of the Lord,
For great is the glory of the Lord!
For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly, the broken-hearted, the refugees, the victims, the oppressed.
But the haughty, the proud, the self-important he knows from afar.
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, unemployment, and lack of direction,
you preserve my life and bless it tremendously;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me with tenderness and compassion.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever!
Do not forsake me, the work of your hands.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
job searching
So, perhaps this will be a blog about my job searching process. Or maybe not, because future employers might check up on it. Hmmmm...
So several thoughts.
1. Hope is essential. Without vision the people perish, and hope deferred makes the heart sick. But God has been good to me. He is gracious and compassionate, and I am so grateful.
I found out Monday that I didn't get the Colorado job. It hurt, but not because the job was a dream job, but because it was something. It was a path to follow, to learn in, and to grow in. It gave me a direction and an opportunity to start over and reinvent myself to some extent. That's what I'm mourning the loss of, more than the loss of a possible job.
But alongside that, is the idea that I've got some major school loans that aren't going to repay themselves. I can eek out a survival for a few months, but that's essentially how long it would be to actually start working a job that I'm applying for right now, anyway.
So Tuesday, a friend called me out of the blue and reminded me of an opportunity to earn a little cash this weekend by helping out a professor. It's not much, but every bit helps when you're unemployed. And I love the couple that needs help, so I look forward to the opportunity to chat with them a bit. She also told me that she's part of a group that needs childcare helpers one morning a week, for $10/hr. Again, not much, but something.
Today, my sister sent me an email about a paid fellowship to work under the director of a major non-profit. It's again, not a dream job, but would be an excellent learning experience and it's paid! It's honestly the kind of learning experience that I wish Fuller had offered to me as a student. So that position, coupled with my recently earned Master's degree, could actually be an ideal launching pad for whatever's next.
2. I had a mentor who constantly told me not to self-edit when job searching. He said that companies dream up the ideal applicant, but are willing to accept someone who meets maybe 80% of the qualifications listed on their posting. Therefore, I should apply for jobs in which I don't meet the minimum requirements. Let them edit me out, I should always apply.
So what happens when I'm a perfect fit for the job description, where I do meet 100% of the qualifications, but I still don't get chosen? It's got to be something more at that point.
3. I've spent at least 8 hours in the past few days looking online for jobs to apply for. Of the positions that are in non-profit, 75% of them are "development", as in fund-raising. That's an area I have no experience in, and I don't do it well. I'm not a very convincing person, and I don't want to in any way manipulate people into doing something they don't want to do, ie give money to my organization. Especially if it's not a cause I don't have a huge passion for. There are many great causes out there, and I respect them, but personally, I can't in good conscience try to convince people to give them money. At least not if that's 90% of my job. I'd be willing to try of it's only 10% of my job description.
The next 10% of jobs that I've found that look interesting are "unpaid internships" or "volunteer positions". AKA, they don't pay a dime. Which, as we discussed under #1, is not an option with student loans hanging over my head. Which is quite unfortunate for me and the organization, because a lot of them are jobs that I would do very well in.
Then 10% are positions that require 10-15 years technical experience. They are generally for positions like "executive director" or "program manager", positions that I really am not qualified for, even though they look very interesting and, to some extent, feel like I could do.
So several thoughts.
1. Hope is essential. Without vision the people perish, and hope deferred makes the heart sick. But God has been good to me. He is gracious and compassionate, and I am so grateful.
I found out Monday that I didn't get the Colorado job. It hurt, but not because the job was a dream job, but because it was something. It was a path to follow, to learn in, and to grow in. It gave me a direction and an opportunity to start over and reinvent myself to some extent. That's what I'm mourning the loss of, more than the loss of a possible job.
But alongside that, is the idea that I've got some major school loans that aren't going to repay themselves. I can eek out a survival for a few months, but that's essentially how long it would be to actually start working a job that I'm applying for right now, anyway.
So Tuesday, a friend called me out of the blue and reminded me of an opportunity to earn a little cash this weekend by helping out a professor. It's not much, but every bit helps when you're unemployed. And I love the couple that needs help, so I look forward to the opportunity to chat with them a bit. She also told me that she's part of a group that needs childcare helpers one morning a week, for $10/hr. Again, not much, but something.
Today, my sister sent me an email about a paid fellowship to work under the director of a major non-profit. It's again, not a dream job, but would be an excellent learning experience and it's paid! It's honestly the kind of learning experience that I wish Fuller had offered to me as a student. So that position, coupled with my recently earned Master's degree, could actually be an ideal launching pad for whatever's next.
2. I had a mentor who constantly told me not to self-edit when job searching. He said that companies dream up the ideal applicant, but are willing to accept someone who meets maybe 80% of the qualifications listed on their posting. Therefore, I should apply for jobs in which I don't meet the minimum requirements. Let them edit me out, I should always apply.
So what happens when I'm a perfect fit for the job description, where I do meet 100% of the qualifications, but I still don't get chosen? It's got to be something more at that point.
3. I've spent at least 8 hours in the past few days looking online for jobs to apply for. Of the positions that are in non-profit, 75% of them are "development", as in fund-raising. That's an area I have no experience in, and I don't do it well. I'm not a very convincing person, and I don't want to in any way manipulate people into doing something they don't want to do, ie give money to my organization. Especially if it's not a cause I don't have a huge passion for. There are many great causes out there, and I respect them, but personally, I can't in good conscience try to convince people to give them money. At least not if that's 90% of my job. I'd be willing to try of it's only 10% of my job description.
The next 10% of jobs that I've found that look interesting are "unpaid internships" or "volunteer positions". AKA, they don't pay a dime. Which, as we discussed under #1, is not an option with student loans hanging over my head. Which is quite unfortunate for me and the organization, because a lot of them are jobs that I would do very well in.
Then 10% are positions that require 10-15 years technical experience. They are generally for positions like "executive director" or "program manager", positions that I really am not qualified for, even though they look very interesting and, to some extent, feel like I could do.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Answer #1
Somehow, it came already.
"As I stand on the edge of "what in the world is next" and "how do I put this education to good use," I thought, "Man, I spent a lot of money on this degree. Was it worth it?" And I just came to the conclusion that it was worth it. Simply by the fact that I am cherishing these friendships and the memories of both living in L.A. and the times since, I wouldn't change the past, I cannot regret the dollars spent on grad school. These people have inspired and challenged me and whether they know it or now, they are helping me change, shaping me every day.
And they make me laugh. Every day."
Thanks, Jackie.
"As I stand on the edge of "what in the world is next" and "how do I put this education to good use," I thought, "Man, I spent a lot of money on this degree. Was it worth it?" And I just came to the conclusion that it was worth it. Simply by the fact that I am cherishing these friendships and the memories of both living in L.A. and the times since, I wouldn't change the past, I cannot regret the dollars spent on grad school. These people have inspired and challenged me and whether they know it or now, they are helping me change, shaping me every day.
And they make me laugh. Every day."
Thanks, Jackie.
Test #1
Um, hi.
This is a test.
I am a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. But will it stay? Will the old person resurface inside of me? Will old habits, thought patterns, insecurities find space again in my heart and mind?
This is a test. Pray for me.
This is a test.
I am a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. But will it stay? Will the old person resurface inside of me? Will old habits, thought patterns, insecurities find space again in my heart and mind?
This is a test. Pray for me.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
back from China
It strikes me as ironic that my URL is "India on my mind", but I just returned from 2 months in China. A friend there suggested that few people like both India and China, they usually hate one and love the other. I neither loved nor hated China, and I have yet to go to India. It makes me wonder how I will like it!
So I've been back on US soil for less than 48 hours, and already I hate re-entry. My first few hours were great. My friend Libby picked me up from the airport and we went straight to my friend Eric's going away party. He is moving to Scotland, and I've already been planning my trip to the UK! It was great that I got to see him before he left, and it was fun to see a few other friends, too.
Yesterday I didn't leave my apartment all day. I spent most of it vegging on the couch. I didn't have the mental capacity to start my schoolwork yet, but I did unpack and do 4 loads of laundry. However, I foolishly didn't go to bed until 5am, then slept until 2pm. I'm already regretting that one! I didn't sleep that well. For the second night, I kept waking up, confused about which Asian city I was in! I think if I had gone to bed by a decent hour, I could have avoided the jetlag thing entirely.
So it's now 5pm, and I've gotten out of bed once: to make a pot of coffee to stave off the caffeine headache. It's strange to not have a job to go to, or any other commitments that require my presence at a certain time and place.
My friend Brian called me at 3pm. He was on his way home from work on the East Coast, I still hadn't gotten out of bed. He asked about China, but I'm already tired of talking about it. I'm sure I'll get into a routine - find a speech and repeat it over again to everyone who asks. If you read this and talk to me about China, it will probably be better for both of us if you ask me a more original question. I will appreciate the opportunity to think about a different aspect of my trip, and you'll get more than the standard reply. ;-) But I promise to answer even the more boring questions.
Thanks for checking back into my blog after a 3-month hiatus! There is more to come, I think, now that I'm state-side and job hunting!
So I've been back on US soil for less than 48 hours, and already I hate re-entry. My first few hours were great. My friend Libby picked me up from the airport and we went straight to my friend Eric's going away party. He is moving to Scotland, and I've already been planning my trip to the UK! It was great that I got to see him before he left, and it was fun to see a few other friends, too.
Yesterday I didn't leave my apartment all day. I spent most of it vegging on the couch. I didn't have the mental capacity to start my schoolwork yet, but I did unpack and do 4 loads of laundry. However, I foolishly didn't go to bed until 5am, then slept until 2pm. I'm already regretting that one! I didn't sleep that well. For the second night, I kept waking up, confused about which Asian city I was in! I think if I had gone to bed by a decent hour, I could have avoided the jetlag thing entirely.
So it's now 5pm, and I've gotten out of bed once: to make a pot of coffee to stave off the caffeine headache. It's strange to not have a job to go to, or any other commitments that require my presence at a certain time and place.
My friend Brian called me at 3pm. He was on his way home from work on the East Coast, I still hadn't gotten out of bed. He asked about China, but I'm already tired of talking about it. I'm sure I'll get into a routine - find a speech and repeat it over again to everyone who asks. If you read this and talk to me about China, it will probably be better for both of us if you ask me a more original question. I will appreciate the opportunity to think about a different aspect of my trip, and you'll get more than the standard reply. ;-) But I promise to answer even the more boring questions.
Thanks for checking back into my blog after a 3-month hiatus! There is more to come, I think, now that I'm state-side and job hunting!
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Community Takes Time
So I've been in Pasadena for 20 months now. And I've potentially only got between 6 weeks and the rest of my life left. ;-)
I got out of my apartment this morning to attend the "Peace and Justice Concerns" meeting. My friend Sara invited me to hear her speak about her recent trip to Haiti, about 6 weeks after the earthquake. I loved hearing her own words about her experience, and she also shared a Lament for Haiti, written by the president and CEO of Food for the Hungry, Benjamin K. Homan. It is a moving piece that I would have loved to have read during my Old Testament Writings class when we studied Lamentations. The modern application of the Scriptures is transformative for me. I'm grateful for this example to use as a model for the suffering I will undoubtedly come across in my future.
As I left the meeting, I passed by a few friends. I chatted with Katy about what classes and assignments we are working on this week. I caught up with Bryant, the professor of one of my classes, to clarify with him what our final paper is supposed to be about. I then came to the library and found Matt, with whom I discussed the same paper and our plans for the weekend. Now as I sit near the entrance, I am able to wave to friends as they pass by to study.
A few of these people I met my first quarter here, but many I've met in recent weeks. With some I am able to share deeper things that I am working through, and with some I have more surface-level conversations.
I went camping this past weekend, in celebration of my friend Eric's 30th birthday. Of the 9 of us there, by the end of the weekend, I was the only one still in my 20's. :-) Most of the group is a part of the same small group that has existed for 6+ years. These people have been friends a long time! Even though I had just met them, I could see they shared deep friendships. They were comfortable with each other and confident in their friendships. There was an intangible quality of love and security that wasn't limited to their group, but included me and another friend who wasn't part of their small group. It was so refreshing to me to included and accepted into this group of mature friendship.
So as I reflect on my time here in Pasadena, I can see how true community takes time. It takes commitment to one another beyond the demands of school, work, and family. It takes a selfless love that doesn't leave room for competition or jealousy. It takes sustained months and years of continued relationship, and I was so grateful to witness that in this group of friends.
As I think about my impending departure, I am sad that I won't have the opportunity to build those deep friendships and relationships. I will still stay in touch with many of my classmates and friends here, and time will deepen those friendships as long as we stay in touch. But it isn't the same as living together, of doing life together. Nor does it discount the friendships that were only just made. I am thankful to get to know the new students this quarter and share life with them, if only for 10 weeks. That shorter relationship still has value.
But true community takes time, and I am grateful for the community that I left in Virginia that still has a deep hold on my life.
I got out of my apartment this morning to attend the "Peace and Justice Concerns" meeting. My friend Sara invited me to hear her speak about her recent trip to Haiti, about 6 weeks after the earthquake. I loved hearing her own words about her experience, and she also shared a Lament for Haiti, written by the president and CEO of Food for the Hungry, Benjamin K. Homan. It is a moving piece that I would have loved to have read during my Old Testament Writings class when we studied Lamentations. The modern application of the Scriptures is transformative for me. I'm grateful for this example to use as a model for the suffering I will undoubtedly come across in my future.
As I left the meeting, I passed by a few friends. I chatted with Katy about what classes and assignments we are working on this week. I caught up with Bryant, the professor of one of my classes, to clarify with him what our final paper is supposed to be about. I then came to the library and found Matt, with whom I discussed the same paper and our plans for the weekend. Now as I sit near the entrance, I am able to wave to friends as they pass by to study.
A few of these people I met my first quarter here, but many I've met in recent weeks. With some I am able to share deeper things that I am working through, and with some I have more surface-level conversations.
I went camping this past weekend, in celebration of my friend Eric's 30th birthday. Of the 9 of us there, by the end of the weekend, I was the only one still in my 20's. :-) Most of the group is a part of the same small group that has existed for 6+ years. These people have been friends a long time! Even though I had just met them, I could see they shared deep friendships. They were comfortable with each other and confident in their friendships. There was an intangible quality of love and security that wasn't limited to their group, but included me and another friend who wasn't part of their small group. It was so refreshing to me to included and accepted into this group of mature friendship.
So as I reflect on my time here in Pasadena, I can see how true community takes time. It takes commitment to one another beyond the demands of school, work, and family. It takes a selfless love that doesn't leave room for competition or jealousy. It takes sustained months and years of continued relationship, and I was so grateful to witness that in this group of friends.
As I think about my impending departure, I am sad that I won't have the opportunity to build those deep friendships and relationships. I will still stay in touch with many of my classmates and friends here, and time will deepen those friendships as long as we stay in touch. But it isn't the same as living together, of doing life together. Nor does it discount the friendships that were only just made. I am thankful to get to know the new students this quarter and share life with them, if only for 10 weeks. That shorter relationship still has value.
But true community takes time, and I am grateful for the community that I left in Virginia that still has a deep hold on my life.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
tidbits
i can't believe i'm still up at 1:20am. it's been a very long day - exhausting both physically and emotionally.
i've learned a lot about myself this week, but i still have a lot of processing to do. for one, i definitely need a tad more structure in my life than not! not necessarily a 9 to 5, though i've never really had one of those, so maybe!
i also need to have waaay more grace and patience with myself. and also with others.
there is a pair of house finches that drink from the watering can on my 5th floor balcony. i may have put it there for them.
my dad is super cute. he gets really into whatever it is i'm talking about. he pretty much has a meteorology degree through me. today i started talking about starbucks stock, so he got online and did all this research about good old "SBUX" while we were talking. then i mentioned that i'm considering buying my friend's scooter, so he got online and started researching that, finding others that are cheaper and a too good to be true dealership here in southern California, etc. it was cute. when i mentioned it to him, he said, "i like to live vicariously through you." i laughed. at least he admits it!
i was reading Groody's Globalization, Spirituality, and Justice today. it's pretty amazing. every paragraph had me chewing for a while. not to mention it was pretty convicting. it's good stuff, get it!
i've learned a lot about myself this week, but i still have a lot of processing to do. for one, i definitely need a tad more structure in my life than not! not necessarily a 9 to 5, though i've never really had one of those, so maybe!
i also need to have waaay more grace and patience with myself. and also with others.
there is a pair of house finches that drink from the watering can on my 5th floor balcony. i may have put it there for them.
my dad is super cute. he gets really into whatever it is i'm talking about. he pretty much has a meteorology degree through me. today i started talking about starbucks stock, so he got online and did all this research about good old "SBUX" while we were talking. then i mentioned that i'm considering buying my friend's scooter, so he got online and started researching that, finding others that are cheaper and a too good to be true dealership here in southern California, etc. it was cute. when i mentioned it to him, he said, "i like to live vicariously through you." i laughed. at least he admits it!
i was reading Groody's Globalization, Spirituality, and Justice today. it's pretty amazing. every paragraph had me chewing for a while. not to mention it was pretty convicting. it's good stuff, get it!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Spring Break
Spring Break is kind of hard. I've been intentionally trying to rest this week, but it hasn't worked. I've been sleeping a lot, which I suppose is good, but I'm realizing my soul isn't very well rested. Spending quality time with friends, getting out into nature, and accomplishing things I normally wouldn't have time for all are what I think makes me feel good. But it hasn't really worked.
I was in a pretty bad funk for about the month of January, and I don't want to go back to that, but I fear that's what I'm slipping into. The only similarity, that I am noticing at the moment, is the "post-trip low". For Christmas, I had the joy of traveling with my family. A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a Disaster Response Training conference in TN, so I was able to fly out and see a couple friends, too. But as my friend says, "I'm not happy unless the next trip is in my inbox."
Practicum has the possibility of being that next trip in my inbox, but financially I just have no idea if it will happen. I may need to stay here in the LA area. It's rather disappointing.
Ah, well, I did have a few fun experiences this week. I was able to go to Joshua Tree for the day on Thursday. Joshua Tree is possibly my favorite national park. Yes, it's that amazing! At least for an east-coast girl like myself, for whom the desert is a novelty. There was a group of 13 of us who ventured there, and only a few of us had been before. Each of them was amazed! Several told me they had no idea how amazing J-Tree is. They said they were expecting miles and miles of desert nothing-ness with a few Joshua Trees sprinkled in. They were amazed to find so many piles of rocks and boulders to climb around on! The rocks are primarily weathered granite, which makes them super grippy and easy to scramble across. Not to mention the Joshua Trees were in bloom, and a few other smaller cacti, too. It was a beautiful, even if a little windy.
I also was able to catch up with a couple friends that I don't get to see very often. It was nice to sit and chat with them to see what's been going on with them recently. I liked that. I've also been working a lot, and income is good! I really do enjoy my job, for the most part, and I'm thankful that on my laziest days, it at least gets me out of the house!!
So today is the day I venture out to Malibu. Hopefully it's a restful day in more than one way!
The spring quarter starts tomorrow!
I was in a pretty bad funk for about the month of January, and I don't want to go back to that, but I fear that's what I'm slipping into. The only similarity, that I am noticing at the moment, is the "post-trip low". For Christmas, I had the joy of traveling with my family. A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a Disaster Response Training conference in TN, so I was able to fly out and see a couple friends, too. But as my friend says, "I'm not happy unless the next trip is in my inbox."
Practicum has the possibility of being that next trip in my inbox, but financially I just have no idea if it will happen. I may need to stay here in the LA area. It's rather disappointing.
Ah, well, I did have a few fun experiences this week. I was able to go to Joshua Tree for the day on Thursday. Joshua Tree is possibly my favorite national park. Yes, it's that amazing! At least for an east-coast girl like myself, for whom the desert is a novelty. There was a group of 13 of us who ventured there, and only a few of us had been before. Each of them was amazed! Several told me they had no idea how amazing J-Tree is. They said they were expecting miles and miles of desert nothing-ness with a few Joshua Trees sprinkled in. They were amazed to find so many piles of rocks and boulders to climb around on! The rocks are primarily weathered granite, which makes them super grippy and easy to scramble across. Not to mention the Joshua Trees were in bloom, and a few other smaller cacti, too. It was a beautiful, even if a little windy.
I also was able to catch up with a couple friends that I don't get to see very often. It was nice to sit and chat with them to see what's been going on with them recently. I liked that. I've also been working a lot, and income is good! I really do enjoy my job, for the most part, and I'm thankful that on my laziest days, it at least gets me out of the house!!
So today is the day I venture out to Malibu. Hopefully it's a restful day in more than one way!
The spring quarter starts tomorrow!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
suffering and lament.
The suffering of Job is incredible, and I don’t understand how it all fits together.
The suffering we endure is incredible; my heart breaks over the deep losses of life we experience.
I need to learn how to lament these losses.
My professor said that we need to cultivate the ability to be with people who are suffering without trying to explain it to them. This is truly a virtue. I agree.
My friends in South Africa are artists working with social justice issues, including orphans and racial reconciliation. In their latest field report is a photo of the rooftops of a poor township with two lines underneath:
forgiveness and grief sing together
the songs of our time, of all time.
Job’s confession to God rings true:
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” 42.2
The suffering we endure is incredible; my heart breaks over the deep losses of life we experience.
I need to learn how to lament these losses.
My professor said that we need to cultivate the ability to be with people who are suffering without trying to explain it to them. This is truly a virtue. I agree.
My friends in South Africa are artists working with social justice issues, including orphans and racial reconciliation. In their latest field report is a photo of the rooftops of a poor township with two lines underneath:
forgiveness and grief sing together
the songs of our time, of all time.
Job’s confession to God rings true:
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” 42.2
Sunday, January 24, 2010
a sunday by any other name...
i just came from a baby shower, and i'm exhausted! i really enjoyed honoring my friend melinda, and i really enjoyed meeting her neighbors and a few other friends. all of them are married, and all but one have kids of their own, so yeah, i felt slightly out of place. nothing better to remind me that God's timing is perfect for me! i'm so glad i wasn't one of them!
but it was also a small world... i started talking with one woman who is from oklahoma. then i chatted it up with the host, who graduated from OU. and her husband did, too, though all of them a few years ahead of me. afterwards, when the husband and kids came home, i chatted with him for a minute, and he told me about a prank he played on his sophomore year roommate, who was a meteorology major. yeah, we're geeks. but i enjoyed playing the small world game again.
but yeah... meeting all those new people took it out of me. proof yet again that i'm an introvert.
after church today, i went to dim sum! so delicious! the place we went only had chinese (cantonese, i think?) on the menu, and the servers barely spoke english. aside from 2 other white guys across the room (eating with an asian family), elijah, joe and i were the only white people there. it was great! as elijah said, it's great to be an honorary asian! our friends on either side of us kept asking us what we wanted, or if we wanted the food being offered to us, and elijah and i could not find a way to communicate that even if you told us what something was, we'd never had it before, and therefore would have no idea if we'd like it or not.
let me back up a moment. dim sum is like a moving buffet. servers push around carts with all sorts of dishes, mostly smaller appetizer-like foods that come 4 to a plate. they then stamp a card that's on the table, and we all dig in (well, 4 of us at least). then another cart comes around with maybe 3 different dishes on it, and we pick things from that cart to share. at the end of the meal, the 9 of us had tried maybe 30 dishes, with some repeats. then we hand the card back to them, and they figure out how much our table owes. for this meal, our bill (tip included) came to $11/person. not too shabby for such a yummy meal!
so back to our table... elijah and i had no idea what we were being offered. we did understand "shrimp" or "vegetables", but not the names of the dishes! his philosophy was that he'd try anything once, and minus the green bell peppers, i complied. so worth it! it was a great experience to have, and quite authentic!
so tonight is a study session for a test tomorrow. sara hosted a going away party last night for some friends moving to cambodia, so she is hosting us tonight with her leftovers! i'm pretty excited! but now that means i should read some on my own, so that i have something to offer when we all get together tonight...
off to study i go!
but it was also a small world... i started talking with one woman who is from oklahoma. then i chatted it up with the host, who graduated from OU. and her husband did, too, though all of them a few years ahead of me. afterwards, when the husband and kids came home, i chatted with him for a minute, and he told me about a prank he played on his sophomore year roommate, who was a meteorology major. yeah, we're geeks. but i enjoyed playing the small world game again.
but yeah... meeting all those new people took it out of me. proof yet again that i'm an introvert.
after church today, i went to dim sum! so delicious! the place we went only had chinese (cantonese, i think?) on the menu, and the servers barely spoke english. aside from 2 other white guys across the room (eating with an asian family), elijah, joe and i were the only white people there. it was great! as elijah said, it's great to be an honorary asian! our friends on either side of us kept asking us what we wanted, or if we wanted the food being offered to us, and elijah and i could not find a way to communicate that even if you told us what something was, we'd never had it before, and therefore would have no idea if we'd like it or not.
let me back up a moment. dim sum is like a moving buffet. servers push around carts with all sorts of dishes, mostly smaller appetizer-like foods that come 4 to a plate. they then stamp a card that's on the table, and we all dig in (well, 4 of us at least). then another cart comes around with maybe 3 different dishes on it, and we pick things from that cart to share. at the end of the meal, the 9 of us had tried maybe 30 dishes, with some repeats. then we hand the card back to them, and they figure out how much our table owes. for this meal, our bill (tip included) came to $11/person. not too shabby for such a yummy meal!
so back to our table... elijah and i had no idea what we were being offered. we did understand "shrimp" or "vegetables", but not the names of the dishes! his philosophy was that he'd try anything once, and minus the green bell peppers, i complied. so worth it! it was a great experience to have, and quite authentic!
so tonight is a study session for a test tomorrow. sara hosted a going away party last night for some friends moving to cambodia, so she is hosting us tonight with her leftovers! i'm pretty excited! but now that means i should read some on my own, so that i have something to offer when we all get together tonight...
off to study i go!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Vision
This quarter is a little hard for me. I am an SIS student who loves to focus on application and practicalities. I definitely need the theoretical, bigger picture as a frame of reference for what I learn and what I'm involved in, but if none of that changes or affects what I'm doing now, or will do in the future, I lose interest.
Welcome to my quarter. Due to the way classes were scheduled this quarter, as well as the fact that I took the majority of my core classes last year, I'm only in theology classes this quarter.
I am taking Old Testament Writings with Jim Butler, who is a very kind and sincere man. He exudes passion for his subjects but in very understated ways that could be easy to miss. I really appreciate this about him! I actually have noticed it in all my theology/Bible professors thus far; each one teaches the classes for years, yet every lecture isn't just a recitation of the old, but teaching like it's the first time. It's easy to see the professors' love for their subjects!
My next class is New Testament 2: Acts-Revelation, with Love Sechrest. Dr. Sechrest is a brilliant woman who has so much to offer every lecture that I think she may be frustrated that she wasn't able to share all that she wanted to. Yet she faithfully ends classes on time, respectful of the students' time.
Finally, I'm taking Jesus and the Kingdom of God with Joel Green. Wow. This is an elective for me, and I'm glad to remember that to get me to class at 8am twice a week (I'm not a morning person and often work until 11pm)! I took this class as an opportunity to wrestle with the idea of the Kingdom of God, and what Jesus meant when he proclaimed it. I'm not interested in simply learning the historic facts and learning what all the historians and theologians have to say. Knowing their perspective is helpful, but not where I want to go with the class. So, I took this class pass/fail (see my previous post on "The Joys of Pass/Fail" for more on this subject!). At any rate, I feel like the class thus far is a little over my head, and hasn't satisfied my itch much at all. I am sure it will get better as we dive more into the texts of the gospels, though.
So with a schedule like that, it's hard to motivate myself to do all the assigned readings. I KNOW that all of this material will be so much more appreciated 3, or 23 years from now, and it's one of the reasons I came to a seminary for a cross-cultural and development education. I need the Biblical foundation for my life, and I want to be a holistic development practitioner who has integrated her faith with her career. But I'm not passionate about any of these subjects, and I don't have any classes this quarter that I absolutely love. Next quarter will be a different story! I haven't had any other quarters like this, it's just the way it has worked out for me.
I know this is just one short season of my time here at Fuller.
Where there is no vision, the people perish.
This is one of those times to remember the vision God has given to me. This is when I need to remember the dreams and passions he has put in my heart. I need to maintain the vision of what is to come to motivate me in the present.
Thankfully, God has blessed me with life-giving opportunities every day. I am finding that I enjoy my job more now, and I am finding good friends in my coworkers. I used to be too busy with projects and papers to hang out outside of work. I am learning to be more intentional about meeting up with friends here who I don't see in my classes anymore, or calling those who don't live nearby. It's good, and I am thankful.
2.5 weeks down, 7.5 weeks to go!
Welcome to my quarter. Due to the way classes were scheduled this quarter, as well as the fact that I took the majority of my core classes last year, I'm only in theology classes this quarter.
I am taking Old Testament Writings with Jim Butler, who is a very kind and sincere man. He exudes passion for his subjects but in very understated ways that could be easy to miss. I really appreciate this about him! I actually have noticed it in all my theology/Bible professors thus far; each one teaches the classes for years, yet every lecture isn't just a recitation of the old, but teaching like it's the first time. It's easy to see the professors' love for their subjects!
My next class is New Testament 2: Acts-Revelation, with Love Sechrest. Dr. Sechrest is a brilliant woman who has so much to offer every lecture that I think she may be frustrated that she wasn't able to share all that she wanted to. Yet she faithfully ends classes on time, respectful of the students' time.
Finally, I'm taking Jesus and the Kingdom of God with Joel Green. Wow. This is an elective for me, and I'm glad to remember that to get me to class at 8am twice a week (I'm not a morning person and often work until 11pm)! I took this class as an opportunity to wrestle with the idea of the Kingdom of God, and what Jesus meant when he proclaimed it. I'm not interested in simply learning the historic facts and learning what all the historians and theologians have to say. Knowing their perspective is helpful, but not where I want to go with the class. So, I took this class pass/fail (see my previous post on "The Joys of Pass/Fail" for more on this subject!). At any rate, I feel like the class thus far is a little over my head, and hasn't satisfied my itch much at all. I am sure it will get better as we dive more into the texts of the gospels, though.
So with a schedule like that, it's hard to motivate myself to do all the assigned readings. I KNOW that all of this material will be so much more appreciated 3, or 23 years from now, and it's one of the reasons I came to a seminary for a cross-cultural and development education. I need the Biblical foundation for my life, and I want to be a holistic development practitioner who has integrated her faith with her career. But I'm not passionate about any of these subjects, and I don't have any classes this quarter that I absolutely love. Next quarter will be a different story! I haven't had any other quarters like this, it's just the way it has worked out for me.
I know this is just one short season of my time here at Fuller.
Where there is no vision, the people perish.
This is one of those times to remember the vision God has given to me. This is when I need to remember the dreams and passions he has put in my heart. I need to maintain the vision of what is to come to motivate me in the present.
Thankfully, God has blessed me with life-giving opportunities every day. I am finding that I enjoy my job more now, and I am finding good friends in my coworkers. I used to be too busy with projects and papers to hang out outside of work. I am learning to be more intentional about meeting up with friends here who I don't see in my classes anymore, or calling those who don't live nearby. It's good, and I am thankful.
2.5 weeks down, 7.5 weeks to go!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
the glass is half full tonight
i'm not quite certain where i'm going with this one, so bear with me.
it's been almost a month since my last post. i just didn't feel like sharing anything.
i had a somewhat strange experience tonight that could be a sign of how bad this quarter could be. it reminded me of how crappy last winter quarter was. then i remembered how spring really wasn't much better, but for entirely different reasons. then summer... ugh. i feel like i barely scraped by in the fall quarter, so i was thinking that last fall was my only good quarter. then i remembered telling a story (today! even!) about a class i had last fall that had me on the phone with my dad before class for 2 weeks straight, just trying to make myself GO to this terrible class.
i'm such a pessimist. i thrive on being critical and creating drama out of just-barely-not-good situations. it really is strange.
so, starting with the fall of 2008, i will remember the good:
fall 2008: came to a great school, had a really neat learning experience in the class i cried repeatedly about, found a great group of friends in a unique church, and took one of the quintessential classes of my program that i LOVED.
winter 2009: took the other quintessential class that changed the way i think; learned that photography can be worship; and met God in ways i didn't think were possible given my circumstances.
spring 2009: didn't die. no wait, ok, i did the best academically this quarter than any other, and learned some good lessons along the way. in the break between winter and spring, i organized a camping trip in which no one died, too, tho i was tempted to leave a dog to die, and one guy on the trip felt like he was dying with kidney stones.
summer 2009: hosted some friends and family, took a couple trips to see friends and family, and learned my academic limits. i also experienced one of those bottoming out experiences in which i KNOW my life can only be in control of a good Father, cos i'm certainly not in control of it! the best part of summer was that it ended.
fall 2009: regained some traction in my academic capabilities, started volunteering, and had a fun Christmas break with my family.
so what will winter 2010 hold? time will only tell.
it's been almost a month since my last post. i just didn't feel like sharing anything.
i had a somewhat strange experience tonight that could be a sign of how bad this quarter could be. it reminded me of how crappy last winter quarter was. then i remembered how spring really wasn't much better, but for entirely different reasons. then summer... ugh. i feel like i barely scraped by in the fall quarter, so i was thinking that last fall was my only good quarter. then i remembered telling a story (today! even!) about a class i had last fall that had me on the phone with my dad before class for 2 weeks straight, just trying to make myself GO to this terrible class.
i'm such a pessimist. i thrive on being critical and creating drama out of just-barely-not-good situations. it really is strange.
so, starting with the fall of 2008, i will remember the good:
fall 2008: came to a great school, had a really neat learning experience in the class i cried repeatedly about, found a great group of friends in a unique church, and took one of the quintessential classes of my program that i LOVED.
winter 2009: took the other quintessential class that changed the way i think; learned that photography can be worship; and met God in ways i didn't think were possible given my circumstances.
spring 2009: didn't die. no wait, ok, i did the best academically this quarter than any other, and learned some good lessons along the way. in the break between winter and spring, i organized a camping trip in which no one died, too, tho i was tempted to leave a dog to die, and one guy on the trip felt like he was dying with kidney stones.
summer 2009: hosted some friends and family, took a couple trips to see friends and family, and learned my academic limits. i also experienced one of those bottoming out experiences in which i KNOW my life can only be in control of a good Father, cos i'm certainly not in control of it! the best part of summer was that it ended.
fall 2009: regained some traction in my academic capabilities, started volunteering, and had a fun Christmas break with my family.
so what will winter 2010 hold? time will only tell.
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