i can never think of an interesting title...

i'm an hour and a half away from wishing everyone (esp matt) a happy white rabbit day. :-D

i'm thinking i'd rather do a triathalon than the half marathon. check it out: 1km swim, 14m bike, 5k run. sound like fun? suzanne was telling me about it, and i think she may have convinced me.

speaking of suzanne, we had a lovely time in DC this weekend. i got to see dustin and clayton, who shared a huge chunk of life with me for 5 months, and i haven't seen them since thanksgiving. way fun. so good. we went to the holocaust museum, took a tour of the capital, navigated the metro (i LOVE public transport!!), went "scrambling" at great falls, walked out of a restaurant, visited with her aunts, endured the heat, took some fun pics, generally had fun and didn't kill each other in the 3 days we spent together! woohoo!!

i'm with sam. i always think of good things to put on my blog when they happen, then i blank out when it comes time to write. not that anyone reads this. especially when i don't post for weeks at a time.

i would LOVE to move to dc. i really would. unfortunately, it would cost an arm and a leg to live there, so perhaps i'll get a decent job and save up some dinero first. they've got public transport (did i mention how much i love that?!), great hills and parks for hiking and scrambling, lots to do when bored, people from every ethnic background, and food from every ethnic background (even better!). i love the city, and the buildings aren't too high that you can't see the sky (very important!!) i so so wish i could live there!!

speaking of jobs, i won't have one in less than 3 weeks. kind of scary, kind of exciting. mostly, i'm just glad i won't have to deal with punk high schoolers anymore, at least not in that capacity. at least for the summer. we'll see what happens next fall!!!

i'm really sick of this never knowing what i'm going to do with my life thing. i'm sick of not knowing how i'm going to pay my bills in a matter of weeks. i'm sick of not having a purpose or direction for my life, nothing i can point to and say "that is what i'll be doing, or that is who i'll be, or that is what my life will be like". it's really quite frustrating. among other things.

i hate than when i take an honest look at my heart and life, i get freaked out and depressed and miserable and a whole slew of other negative emotions that i just can't handle and have no answers for. my response is just to close my heart and harden it so it can't be hurt any more. i know that isn't the "healthiest" response, but i don't know what else to do, really. it just kind of sucks.

i hate it even more when i'm actually doing ok about being happy about life, and not being miserable or lonely or anything, and wham, there i am again, back in that old place again. and it really sucks.

so on that happy note, i depart.
happy white rabbit day eve.

owwww

so my legs ached a bit today after my run yesterday, so i was anxious to run again. i wanted to stretch 'em out and work out some of the soreness. yeah... didn't happen. i could still see my house when the running stopped. i groaned in disappointment. but i sorta kept going... i went the mile around the loop back to my house, but walked more of it than i jogged.

then i got in my car and measured how far it was that i went yesterday... in 1.7 inches of rain... 2.7 miles. fun stuff!

so i realized that here in VB, we are about 4 weeks (or more) behind oklahoma, weather-wise. well, spring/summer heat-wise. the weather that greets oklahoma at OU graduation time (may 13) will meet us high-school graduation time (june 17). it is freaking cold here and i want it to be warm!!!

i saw a quote on lynn's AIM profile that i'd like to claim for me... at least give it a good thinkin' on.
"I'd like to quit thinking of the present as some minor insignificant preamble to something else." --Sean

i think i officially decided today that teaching isn't for me. i think i'm ok with walking out of school on friday, june 16 and never stepping into a high school again. at least until i have kids. we'll see how long this lasts, or if i end up subbing next fall. if i have other things to do, it might be fine, but as a "full time" job, it is waaay too boring for me.

that's all, folks!

and i'm runnin in the rain, just runnin in the rain!

what a glorious feeling, i'm happy again!

so i'm now a rain runner. or more precisely rain jogger and walker. man, it was fun. i haven't been in the rain like that since bfbc. so i guess it was the first time i did it because i wanted to, not cos i had to. the clouds were great, and i was soaked to the bone. my dad drove out to meet me to take me home, but i just dropped my ipod in the passenger seat and thanked him for his perfect timing. as much as i want to run in the rain, i don't want to ruin my ipod for it!! he turned around and followed me and told me i'd get pneumonia, but i told him i was hot and the rain felt good. which was good.

fun times. half marathon, here i come!!

hmmm...

so i'm not really sure what i'm doing now. odu is kind of giving me the run around on the teaching stuff, so it will take me a year and a half. and i'm not really even sure i want to do it.

so there is an option to get a certificate in gis at odu, which looks interesting.

thanks to all who have been praying for me. i needed it and still do.

congrats to all my friends who graduated from college this weekend or last! i'm so proud of you all. i'm excited to see where you go next, and be sure to keep me updated!

tonite, i'd really like to just curl up with a good book with the windows open and a candle or two burning. hmmm...

thanks for your patience as i try to figure out my life. i really hate to think that this is what the rest of my life could be like... never knowing more than 5 weeks in advance what i'm doing. in the past year, that is about all i've known. i appreciate your patience with me as i try to figure a lot of stuff out and seek some sort of balance with the craziness of life and my head.

so, question. where is the balance between trusting God to provide, and taking initiative to do or get something myself? where does He begin and i end? i was thinking about this as i drove home... for example, how hard do i really have to search for a job? do i take the first one i'm offered? do i assume the highest paying one is the one i take? what about just getting a job at hardees, or some other minimum wage job? how much responsibility do i take for my financial status, and how much is left up to God? i know "God helps those who help themselves" is not a Biblical truth by any stretch, but it seems to make sense in this case... i dunno. i don't have the answers, and i only have a job for 5 more weeks, so i'm thinking about it a lot.

oh God, oh God, help!!

so...

i saw mi3 this weekend. i liked it, but not as much as the first 2.

i'm trying to get in a class that starts tomorrow. but i'm not really sure if i want to be in the class, or if i really want my teaching license.

i do want to run the rock 'n' roll half marathon labor day weekend in va beach. but i also want a training buddy. any takers?

i got a card from sally today. it made my day.

life has been really hard. please pray for me.

i'm not sure if the title of this blog holds true anymore.

why does school have to cost so much?

i went to my first faculty meeting today, and it was a waste of my time. i also found out today that i get to do 4 days of study block during exam week. all day. for 4 days. shoot me now. but i guess it's the best paying study block i've ever had. grrrr.