i can never think of an interesting title...

i'm an hour and a half away from wishing everyone (esp matt) a happy white rabbit day. :-D

i'm thinking i'd rather do a triathalon than the half marathon. check it out: 1km swim, 14m bike, 5k run. sound like fun? suzanne was telling me about it, and i think she may have convinced me.

speaking of suzanne, we had a lovely time in DC this weekend. i got to see dustin and clayton, who shared a huge chunk of life with me for 5 months, and i haven't seen them since thanksgiving. way fun. so good. we went to the holocaust museum, took a tour of the capital, navigated the metro (i LOVE public transport!!), went "scrambling" at great falls, walked out of a restaurant, visited with her aunts, endured the heat, took some fun pics, generally had fun and didn't kill each other in the 3 days we spent together! woohoo!!

i'm with sam. i always think of good things to put on my blog when they happen, then i blank out when it comes time to write. not that anyone reads this. especially when i don't post for weeks at a time.

i would LOVE to move to dc. i really would. unfortunately, it would cost an arm and a leg to live there, so perhaps i'll get a decent job and save up some dinero first. they've got public transport (did i mention how much i love that?!), great hills and parks for hiking and scrambling, lots to do when bored, people from every ethnic background, and food from every ethnic background (even better!). i love the city, and the buildings aren't too high that you can't see the sky (very important!!) i so so wish i could live there!!

speaking of jobs, i won't have one in less than 3 weeks. kind of scary, kind of exciting. mostly, i'm just glad i won't have to deal with punk high schoolers anymore, at least not in that capacity. at least for the summer. we'll see what happens next fall!!!

i'm really sick of this never knowing what i'm going to do with my life thing. i'm sick of not knowing how i'm going to pay my bills in a matter of weeks. i'm sick of not having a purpose or direction for my life, nothing i can point to and say "that is what i'll be doing, or that is who i'll be, or that is what my life will be like". it's really quite frustrating. among other things.

i hate than when i take an honest look at my heart and life, i get freaked out and depressed and miserable and a whole slew of other negative emotions that i just can't handle and have no answers for. my response is just to close my heart and harden it so it can't be hurt any more. i know that isn't the "healthiest" response, but i don't know what else to do, really. it just kind of sucks.

i hate it even more when i'm actually doing ok about being happy about life, and not being miserable or lonely or anything, and wham, there i am again, back in that old place again. and it really sucks.

so on that happy note, i depart.
happy white rabbit day eve.