i think i'm really out of my mind now...

i'm thinking about grad school. or more specifically, getting my teacher's license. which means summer school and a year of school next year. we'll see... this is all as of today. i may regain my sanity tomorrow. or i may call and set up an advising appointment. oh, and i'd have to take 3 more flippin' math classes. i wish i could do earth science, but i'd have to take 14 more hours of geology, which isn't gonna happen. plus oceanography, astronomy and another geography class. not that i wouldn't enjoy those, but if i'm gonna do a whole 'nother year of school, i'm gonna get my full master's! any thoughts on my craziness?

thoughts for the day

nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard
oh take me back to the start

i need to clean my room tomorrow. i've got a lot of stuff that needs to find a home that i just brought back from OK. well, if just = a week ago.

katrina's a sweet chica.

i applied for 2 more jobs today that i'm not qualified for. my butt is asleep after sitting on my bed, working on my computer all day.

i have a ton of ironing to do. i wore all my clothes that don't need ironing last week, and i'm not sure if i can find another outfit for tomorrow, or if i'll actually have to bust out the iron in the morning. stupid wrinkles.

so nomads was this weekend. i've heard one good report so far. i'm sure it was amazing. part of me really wants to hear about it, part of me really doesn't.

hope deferred really does make the heart sick. when does the desire fulfilled and the tree of life come?

i haven't talked to barrett in a while. he called to see if i wanted to go to lunch on friday, but i now have a job and can't go to lunch like we used to on occassion. that makes me sad. and he's getting married, so that'll change things, too.

chris and ashley lyons dedicated their baby in church today. chris is my age, ashley is younger. that kinda just freaks me out.

so i have this friend. that i like so much! but i like them so much i'm intimidated by them, so i have a hard time having normal conversation with them. i just want to ask "who are you? what are your dreams? how was your week? how do you relate to your family? how did you get so wise? what do you think about this? why did you make that choice? what else can i learn from you?" but i can't.

laura and i are supposed to hang out this week, sometime. and i'm excited.

eric IMed me yesterday. he's another cool kid that i wish i could get to know better.

so i'm teaching history tomorrow. only i'm actually supposed to teach it, or at least review for SOLs. and i don't know history. i sure hope the kids do so it will be more of a discussion, learning from each other. cos otherwise, they're screwed. what was this teacher thinking, requesting me as his sub?! craziness.

why do i still have to live in virginia?

dear God,

so um, remember me? i'm feeling pretty forgotten right now. there are so many things that i thought You were giving me, or telling me would happen, that have been delayed, yet again. so i'm pretty confused. do i desire the wrong things? are You not good, and do You not give good gifts to Your children? am i being too impatient? is 5 months not long enough? did i do something wrong or bad? do i not have enough faith? am i not good enough? have i not done enough to please You?

did You forget me?

so um, yeah. thanks for the good trip out to oklahoma, and all the other stops, too. that was pretty cool. i thought we were doing pretty good then, You and me. and i thought i was hearing from You pretty clearly. did i just imagine all this cos i was away from "normal"? did i hear You wrong?

and this david crowder guy? he's pretty cool. i kinda remember feeling like this, a long time ago, but i'd love to know what it feels like again:

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in and remain composed.
Love's taken over me and so I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy...

so, um, yeah. just checking. Jesus, i need You, and i don't know what i'd do without You. so please don't just leave me here.
thanks.
~me

oh. my. goodness.

i'm not really sure that life can get much crazier than it is right now. unless you added a husband, which is no where near the picture, so guess i can breathe a sigh of relief. so, here's a recap of the last few weeks:

went on a freakin' awesome road trip. 10 states. 10 gas tank fill-ups. 3600 miles. a bazillion people visited or seen. that's probably my record for number of meals eaten out in a row. it was the best spring break ever, and i'm not even in school! i felt so loved by all my friends. i am a quality time person to the nth degree, and that's all i had all week - quality time! so great! all my hosts were wonderful, i got to see a few friends that i hadn't seen in over a year, and i basically said goodbye to oklahoma. i'm really not sure if i'll ever be back there. i certainly hope so, and i wouldn't doubt it for weddings or such, but i really doubt i'll ever live there again. but then again, my plans and visions for the future pretty much mean squat. which brings me to my next point:

i'm staying in Virginia Beach for a while. like a year or two, at least, i think.

and i'm moving out. not that i don't love my parents and i don't have a sweet deal going on here, i'm just ready to be on my own again. any of you girls in VB looking for a roommate?

and if i move out, i need a better paying job. so i'm looking into something in GIS, but i really just barely started looking, and i have no idea what i'll end up with. anyone have any good job leads? i'm committed at the school through mid-june, so i've got 9 weeks to figure something out.

and did i mention i'm going back to school? after having a phone interview with pioneers today, i found out that they require 30 hours of Bible credits. that's about a year of full-time study or about 10 classes. so i've also just begun the search for good schools with distance learning programs. not that i wouldn't go to regent, it's just not in the top 10 of available choices. it may move up the list later, but for now, i'm content to keep my distance. so, anyone been there and done that and have any good advice for me?

so with all that, i'm exhausted. and my head hurts. and quite honestly, i'm a little disappointed that i'm not more excited about it. i was really excited about it for a week (the moving out part), but maybe i'm just so tired right now that i can't be excited. and i was excited to get back and "make a difference!" at school, but today was just blah. and so was yesterday. and the teacher i'm in for tomorrow is a little nutzo, but she teaches geography and the kids have a test on friday, so we're reviewing southern african geography using bingo! that's sounding like the highlight, by far, of my week. craziness!

but then there's 1830. man, i am so so so so so so excited to get back to it. :-D no, really, i feel like God has dropped a lot in my heart concerning 1830, but i'm still sorting it out and talking thru it and all that jazz... it's all a mess in my head for now.

um, yeah, so thanks to all the folks that helped me along my way.
i think i'll say goodnite now before i completely ramble and say something really really stupid.

Immortal Invisible

we sang this hymn in church today, and I love it!

Immortal Invisible
[Verse 1]
Immortal Invisible God only wise
In light inaccessible,hid from our eyes
Most blessed, most glorious, ancient of days
Almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise

(Chorus)
Hou are holy, you are worthy
We exalt you and lift up your name
Mere words aren't enough to declare you great love
Oh Zion, oh ancient of days

[Verse 2]
Unresting, unhastion and silent as light
Never wanting nor wasting thou rulest in might
Thy justice like mountains high soaring above
Thy clouds which are fountains of goodness and love

(Chorus)

[Bridge]
And to all life tou giveth both great and small
In all life thou lives the true life to all
Thy wisdom so boundess, thy mercy so free
Eternal Thy goodness for nothing changes thee

(Chorus)

oooghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I am so tired.
I went to bed the earliest all week last week on Friday nite. How sad is that? Sorry to everyone at 1830 for bailing on you... there is no way I could have participated in any discussion. My mind and body were at the point of exhaustion. I really am sorry about that. It is the highlight of my week to see you all and hear about how your lives are going and what God is teaching you, and I couldn't even do that! I think I need to make it a priority to get to bed early on Thursday nites or perhaps take a nap on Friday afternoons. Hmmm.

On a different note, I will not be at 1830 the next 2 weeks. It is my spring break next week, so I am leaving after work on Thursday to drive out to OK. I'm so excited!! Here's my rough itenerary:

Thurs: drive to Christiansburg, VA, and spend the night with my aunt and uncle who are just a delight!
Fri: drive to Columbus, OH and hang out with Abbey
Sat: drive to Bloomington, IN and hang out with Catherine
Sun: drive to Tulsa via St. Louis (take a pic or 2 of the gateway arch), and hang out with Jimbob
Mon: drive to the Norman/OKC/Choctaw area
spend the week packing my stuff and seeing friends
at some point, possibly Fri, drive to Dallas, hang out with Shara, my sister, and my grandmother
Sat am: begin driving home, stay with either family friends in Trenton, KY or Ginny in Nashville, TN
Sun: arrive home in time to fall into bed before I have to be up at 6am for work! yipee!

ok, off to bed, my friends!