frustrated...

sounds like the title of a lot of my posts... it's kinda interesting, this emotion of frustration. i'm realizing that i haven't really been that frustrated for a while. i wonder if i've actually grown in having patience, or if i've been more humbled by at at peace with my circumstances, or if my circumstances have just changed enough that i'm happy with them? i don't know. but it is interesting that this feeling is almost foreign to me, as opposed to being almost constant!

so right now, i'm so frustrated that i feel it in my gut. i wanted someone to do something for me, and they didn't do it. they just did it the way they wanted to do it. i asked them to do it for me, they said ok, and when it didn't work as easily as they thought it would, they just did it their way. they could have called me, or just asked me to do it in the first place, or they could have checked into it 4 days before it had to be done to double check it and then called me, or... yeah, it could have been different. i know that i don't understand how complicated it is on their side, and yes, they have a lot of other things going on, too, not just this one issue, but it will now cost me $300 extra to go fix it. when it should have been no charge at all. so yeah, i'm pretty frustrated. (and they waited until i called to ask about something else to tell me about it, instead of calling me right after it happened.)

this feeling sits in my gut, just below my rib cage, and it's like i can't get a full breath of air. it actually does help, physically to yell and kind of discharge some of the pressure built up. i wonder if other people physically feel frustration the way i do.

and now, because i'm already frustrated, little things that i would normally have patience for are very irritating. i know i still have the choice to let it go and not be irritated, but it's so much easier to be irritated than not when i'm already frustrated. (things like my computer being slow, a netflix dvd that my parents watched not being sent back right after they watched it - normal life stuff that shouldn't bother me this much.)

ok, it helps to process and i'm not quite as frustrated anymore. :-P