frustrated

the state of being of my life. it seems like it's never going away.

related definitions:
a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.
the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals
a feeling of annoyance at being hindered or criticized
The condition that results when an impulse or an action is thwarted by an external or an internal force.
a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs

one sunday night at house church in college, probably my sophomore year, the "ice breaker" was "what sound best describes you?" i couldn't think of one, which i said when it was my turn. my friend immediately said "i know yours! it's that guttural throaty sound you make when you're frustrated!"

she was completely right. unfortunately, she still is.

i am frequently annoyed and dissatisfied when my goals, expectations, and desires aren't met. sometimes it's small and silly and i should just get over it. sometimes it drives me to other action. sometimes i just grow hopeless.

hope deferred makes the heart sick.