more authentic community

"This is how my parents' community works. They don't have endless meetings and minutes. When there is a birth, the aunties know immediately. When someone dies, it doesn't take long for the food rotation to be set up. It is from my parents that I learned my first lesson of community organizing: You must first have a community, one that you share joy with as well as suffering. My parents had a certain amount of respect and trust among their friends. It hit me that being trustworthy was essential to being involved in community work, and being worthy of this trust took a lifetime. My parents knew they could call on people because they knew the community could call on them."

This sounds like Acts 2 in real life. But it isn't. It's a Pakistani woman's lesson learned from watching her parents and their friends after the earthquake that shook northern Pakistan in October 2005. The author and her parents live in the US, but her mother is originally from a village that was devastated by the earthquake. (It's taken from the essay "If This Were My Family: Relearning Important Lessons of Organizing After the Earthquake" by Bushra Rehman, published in Voices of Resistance: Muslim Women on War, Faith, & Sexuality, edited by Sarah Husain.)

The whole story is gripping, to me at least. As soon as they heard of the quake, they were on the phone, learning of the devastation, organizing their network of connections to send food, water, clothing and other supplies to friends and relatives 2 days faster than the government sent any assistance. Wow. The author's parents even went themselves, and lived alongside friends and family in makeshift tents, in northern Pakistan. This was their community, and they wanted to make a difference. In fact, they felt they had no option but to get involved. Where is this drive in my own life?

"While watching my parents, I couldn't believe that all these years I saw them as old-fashioned and myself as the radical one. Watching them in action, I relearned teh most important lessons of activism: The strongest, most effective form of community activism is not complicated. It comes from a sense of family, love, urgency. It's not something that can be taught in a college classroom or learned from a book. It comes from a sincere belief that we are in this world together and must take care of each other, as well as ourselves. How different my own activism would be if every time something happened, I asked myself, 'What would I do if this were my family?'"

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!! I GOT A JOB AT STARBUCKS!!
i'm working at the starbucks at la promenade, near hilltop. it's in the shopping center on laskin road, between the aldo's italian restaurant and talbots... sound familiar to anyone?

i start on monday, and i'm so excited! and guess what?!
MY BOSS IS MOROCCAN!! yeah, she's a french speaking moroccan lady, and i'm so excited! have i mentioned that yet? so if i want to learn french and arabic, which i do, i can practice with her!

i'm scared. i don't want to take out my nose piercing. i am overwhelmed, yet bored.

trust and faith can be hard, but good.

i love my cat. on occasion, he was the only reason i stayed in VB.

africa is on my mind. so is pakistan. interesting. anyone heard of TIMO?

i like languages. i was subbing for a spanish teacher today, and it was fun how much of the conversation between other teachers i understood! i want to learn more languages.

a million more thoughts/emotions/issues

ok, so according to my personality trait (ISTJ), i value family very highly and am offended when family members choose their friends over me. but maybe that's just for the older folks with that trait? or maybe i'm just not fitting the mold? or it's a regional thing (apparently southern and midwestern families are closer)? or it's just that i don't have a very close family myself? at any rate, i feel like my FRIENDS are my family, and i AM offended when they choose their families over their friends. i do. i feel like they've got their priorities messed up. and honestly, as far as my family goes, i don't love them like i should. i am generally indifferent to them. i mean, i do have a good relationship with my parents and sisters, but... i dunno, it's just not like other families i know. and this past Christmas, i just DID NOT want to be there!

so love is a choice. i've thought about that in relation to marriages: at some point in my marriage, i know i will have to choose to love my husband, or divorce will be an option. i'd never thought of that in relation to family until this week. to be honest, i don't really want to love my family. i mean, i do love them to some extent, but on a day to day basis, like i mentioned before, i am indifferent. i don't want to be living with my parents. i'm sick of "dealing" with them, and i know they are sick of "dealing" with me. i don't want to serve my dad when i think he is being lazy, i don't want to obey my mom when the chores she asks me to do are a fraction of what i would do if i lived on my own. i get annoyed at things that wouldn't bother me if other people did them: they're family. BUT, love is a choice. love is patient, love is kind... love is self-sacrificing. i know that in my head, and i am willing to love some of my friends that way. some friends i would do just about anything for, and when they have a need, i am offended that they DON'T ask me! but it is so hard to do with my family. Lord, help me to want to love them!

there are other choices to be made. things to decide to believe when they don't feel true. i have to choose what direction my heart will take. i have to choose to believe that even tho i feel "lost" in life with no direction and purpose, there will come a day when i do have direction and purpose. i mean that i know my future involves long term church planting efforts among the unreached, but what that looks like or where it will be or the timing on it are all a mystery to me at this point. and even tho i don't like what i'm doing with my life right now, i must live this season of life to get to that point. it sucks, but i have to choose to have a good attitude about it. i usually don't want to. but the alternative, the depressed, anxious, hopeless state i was in last year, is not an option.

that's it for now. or at least all i'm willing to divulge at this hour.

life.

so i turned down work today to do something that didn't work out. there were no guarantees, and it was my choice, but man.

so many of my friends are embarking on marriage and kids. i don't think i can relate.

i had some crazy dreams last nite/this morning. they were a lot more interesting than reality, so i kept sleeping.

what happened to the "safety" of college? even tho it was hard some days, and i had to do homework and presentations and projects i didn't want to do, i still had something to get up for everyday, i had tons of amazing friends that i saw all the time, i had a cool apt (sr yr) that was perfect for warm spring days like today. oh, and of course, it warms up out there a lot faster than it does here. i really miss spring in oklahoma.

i feel like i can't enjoy my "days off". in the past, i would cherish days off to lounge around, read the whole paper, catch up on emails or other things online, love on my cat, curl up with a good book, get some things done that i had intended to do for a while, etc. but that is all the "norm" of my life. i don't want to read outside of school, cos then i get sick of it that much faster (i can only read about 20 hrs a week before i don't want to read anymore). i spent all day saturday catching up on chores and cleaning (and wore myself out in the process).

i know some people would love to be in my situation, but i'm sick of it. again. not to mention there have been several mentionings from my parents (mostly in jest, but still...) of me moving out of my parent's house. i wish i could move. but i don't have a job. what happened? what has happened with my life?

i was thinking about it last nite, and God promised that He would meet all my needs. and He has. not the way i want Him to, but He has. He didn't promise to meet all my wants, just my needs. i do have a warm bed to sleep in and a roof over my head and food in my belly. my needs are met.

so i should try to be thankful.

gosh, i hate this crappy mood.