life.

so i turned down work today to do something that didn't work out. there were no guarantees, and it was my choice, but man.

so many of my friends are embarking on marriage and kids. i don't think i can relate.

i had some crazy dreams last nite/this morning. they were a lot more interesting than reality, so i kept sleeping.

what happened to the "safety" of college? even tho it was hard some days, and i had to do homework and presentations and projects i didn't want to do, i still had something to get up for everyday, i had tons of amazing friends that i saw all the time, i had a cool apt (sr yr) that was perfect for warm spring days like today. oh, and of course, it warms up out there a lot faster than it does here. i really miss spring in oklahoma.

i feel like i can't enjoy my "days off". in the past, i would cherish days off to lounge around, read the whole paper, catch up on emails or other things online, love on my cat, curl up with a good book, get some things done that i had intended to do for a while, etc. but that is all the "norm" of my life. i don't want to read outside of school, cos then i get sick of it that much faster (i can only read about 20 hrs a week before i don't want to read anymore). i spent all day saturday catching up on chores and cleaning (and wore myself out in the process).

i know some people would love to be in my situation, but i'm sick of it. again. not to mention there have been several mentionings from my parents (mostly in jest, but still...) of me moving out of my parent's house. i wish i could move. but i don't have a job. what happened? what has happened with my life?

i was thinking about it last nite, and God promised that He would meet all my needs. and He has. not the way i want Him to, but He has. He didn't promise to meet all my wants, just my needs. i do have a warm bed to sleep in and a roof over my head and food in my belly. my needs are met.

so i should try to be thankful.

gosh, i hate this crappy mood.