running is hard

i'm so so thankful this winter has had as many warm days as it has... it has made running that much easier.

on sunday, i was too busy for my "long" run, so i went on monday, instead. i really really didn't want to go, but i knew i should. it was the first day in my training for the 8k that i really just had to force myself to do it - sheer will power. it reminded me a lot of boot camp, actually, and i remembered some of the lessons i learned in PT in boot camp.

i remembered that i prayed during PT, "help me, Jesus!" and i actually believed He would. and He did! i recited memory verses and sang encouraging songs in my head on the really hard days, just to get my mind off the pain my body was in. so i found myself praying yesterday, too, "Jesus, help me!" it seemed like a selfish thought, and silly, too, but it was a reminder that God cares about ALL the stuff going on in my life. He's the god of the big stuff and the little stuff. and i found that praying, and expecting God to help me, doesn't mean it will be easy. it just means that i will find the grace and strength to keep going.

sometimes in my life, when stuff gets really hard, i pray and expect God to make it easy, all at once, right now. but it doesn't work that way. sometimes life just sucks. sometimes it is really hard. sometimes i just have to walk thru things, trusting that God is still in control and has my best interest at heart. and He always does, and it always is a good thing, but man, it HURTS sometimes. and just praying about it, or "releasing it to God" is not a quick fix. it isn't a bandaid for life's pains and suffering. Jesus suffered a lot and says we will, too. pain is not always a bad thing. yes, it's painful, but it doesn't mean it's bad. physical pain or emotional or spiritual.

asking God for help means, to me, that i am committing to do whatever is put before me, and i am expecting Him to come close, to speak truth to me, to heal wounds, to give grace that teaches me to say no to ungodliness, and/or to spur me on with endurance and hope.

that's a nice little flashback/reality check for me.