a thousand thoughts and a million emotions

um, i don't really know where to start or what to say, except that man, God is good.

i've had a few AMAZING conversations in the past week; they kind of shake up the world i thought i was living in, a bit. i realize i interact with people differently than i thought i did, i realize a few relationships are different than i thought they were. i realize i can stay out/up later than i thought and still exist (i got too much sleep in college and missed out on a lot of fun). i am ready to "move on" in my life and say goodbye to this chapter, but i am so scared that i will repeat it for another year, or more. i do realize that i have no idea what God has in store for my future, really, even if i think i do.

i applied for 2 jobs recently - one stateside, in one of 6 locations (DC, atlanta, norman, eugene OR, houston, east lansing MI), the other overseas (location not yet determined). i think i would LOVE either one, and i really really really hope to be offered at least one of them. if i get offered both, i'm not really sure which i would pick. but, oh God, please don't make me stay in VB.

on the other side of that, i am enjoying my relationship with my parents and the depths of relationship i am finally enjoying with my friends here. but i am also certain they are the kinds of friendships that will stay with me for a long time, no matter what continent i'm on. which is a good thing, since i hope to be on other continents within the next few years, even if the 2nd job doesn't come thru.

for the last week or so, i have felt "wrapped in grace". i'm not really sure i can describe that feeling, except to say it is a kind of culmination, or perhaps conglomeration, of a lot of different thoughts and experiences and lessons for a few years now. but let me tell you, it is one of the most secure feelings, despite circumstances and despite people (we all suck, sometimes, even when we don't mean to). i am so SO thankful to God for a number of things - things that He kept me out of and safe from when i couldn't understand why i wasn't "being let in on" them or when my own legalism and self-righteousness/superiority kept me away. i am thankful for some of the hardest seasons, when God proved to me, in the end (or more likely i couldn't see it until the end), His goodness, faithfulness and love for me. i am thankful that my relationship with God is unique, because it really is a relationship, and it doesn't have to look like or work like anyone else's relationship with God. i am thankful that i stayed blinded to so many things that i would have worried and obsessed over unnecessarily. and i am so SO thankful that God has allowed me to have a wise perspective in these things now.

Titus 2:11-14 (ESV)
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, [12] training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, [13] waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, [14] who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.


Romans 6:14 (ESV)
For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

1 Cor. 15:10 (ESV)
But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

2 Cor. 4:15 (ESV)
For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

2 Cor. 9:8 (ESV)
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

Ephes. 2:8 (ESV)
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

1 Peter 1:13 (ESV)
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 4:10 (ESV)
As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:

1 Peter 5:10 (ESV)
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.


2 Peter 3:18 (ESV)
But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.

wow. "wrapped in grace".