patience and kids

so i find myself with less and less patience these days. part of that is temporary, i know. but part of it is also in finding out who i am.

since i got back from europe, i have been discovering who i am and who i'm not. i have considered a multitude of ministries and opportunities and careers over the years, and so far, none of them has stuck that well. one thing does keep coming up: having a family. i do want to be a mom, and i think i'd like several kids... like 5? who knows. my opinion on the matter has changed considerably over the years, and i don't expect it to stay the same for much longer, anyway. i am certain it will change again by the time i do marry and have to start making decisions about family.

at any rate, i was just thinking about which age i would enjoy the most with my kids, and really, i think (as of now) that i will enjoy them more as they are older... as in late high school, college, early adulthood. that sort of age. kind of like the age i am able to relate to best now, and have more of a "heart" for currently. i have realized in the past few months that i don't have the patience for the little kids. i enjoy babysitting sometimes, and when i do i prefer the 3-4 year-olds, but i am quite happy to give them back to their parents at the end of the night. i can safely say that i am blessed with a lack of patience with kids so that i KNOW i'm not supposed to work with kids. at least not right now.

which leads me to subbing... i do like high school kids (except freshmen) because they can take responsibility for themselves. they can make their own choices and take care of themselves. yes, they are not grown up yet, and need guidance, correction, and a support base, but it's fun to see them become their own people, and find out who they are.

actually, that is what i have a heart for in general. i liked being a "shepherd" of sorts in my college house church. i loved loving on people, listening to them, pouring into them whatever i could offer, praying for them, being their friend, and watching them blossom into the people God created for them to be. that is kind of what i want in 1830, that is what i want at kpc. that is what i am lacking myself. with all the talk recently about mentoring relationships at kpc, i personally am not experiencing it, and i don't think they are doing as good of a job at it as they say or think they are.

at any rate, i don't have patience for kids, but i still want my own, someday. the end.