tired. go figure.

i think, in some ways, life has caught up to me.

i have been so thankful to have the prudence of a steady pace of life. even when i am overwhelmed, i've had the sense of mind to slow down and chill out some. but i guess i haven't always been resting in that time, and i'm feeling it now.

tonite at work, my brain just wasn't on. and i didn't have much motivation to turn it on, and i did ok, but not great.

i had an up-and-down day. i got a package from my girls - yay!! i'm so excited and so thankful! it made my day! lots of cool things, fun things, and some practical things. ;-) and cards from all of them, and a cd, too! yay!

but then reality set in. i'm still bitter and jealous and think that i should be the one who gets to do some things other people get to do. and i'm tired of fighting the fight to not be jealous, to be excited for my friends who get to do cool things. and i know it's not always easy for them, so i want to be there to help and support them, but when i'm jealous, all i want to do is stay away and not be reminded that i'm not the one who gets to do it. so in some ways, i'm able to know my limits and let others step in to help. and in some ways, i've just got to get over it! oh Lord, help me!

i'm officially allergic to kay spirit sanitizer, the stuff we use at work. when i use it, i get a rash on my hands. now i officially know not to use it, or to wear gloves when i do. not a big deal, but now i know.

i officially signed my lease and turned in my 30-day notice today. i'm moving! it's official!!! i'll send out my new address in a bit.

i LOVE that i am here, that i can constantly verbally process. i'm SO thankful that i have people around me who will listen, give me feedback, and direct my thoughts in new directions. i have learned SO much just in the last few months!! and not just concepts and fact, but skills and wisdom, too. it's a beautiful thing. study groups are good for me, they force me to engage the material, but also use my critical thinking skills to distill out the important info.

but sometimes i HATE being a verbal processor. at least when i don't have anyone to process to. or when i use the wrong people to process to, and it's not good. that really sucks sometimes. it's like i'm walking around naked all the time.

like the "25 things" thing on facebook. i'd love to post 25 things, but really, the only things i can come up with are either not new to anyone (bc i'm such an open book), or they're completely inappropriate for general audiences. there's no in between with me, it's all or nothing.

it all makes for interesting internal dialogues.
but hopefully my mind will quiet enough to let me get some sleep tonite.