grace, hope, and faith

i just don't know how people do it. i don't know how they live without the faith that i do, the trust i have in my God that He is good, and that He is working good in all things. i don't know what i would do without this knowledge.

in the midst of all that i'm working through, praying through, and dealing with, i have full, complete, sure faith in the process, or at least the One who is in control of the process. i can't explain it, but i have this deep hope that wells up within me, when i let it. being strong willed, i can push it aside, but i'm learning to depend on this hope and faith more than the feeling of power or control i get when i just dwell on the misery of my feelings and circumstances. i'm learning that i do have this choice, that i can choose to believe the confidence i have in things being good, or i can argue with it and be more lonely, miserable, and hopeless. as strange as it is to admit, i sometimes like to play the victim, to play the hopeless one. but i know that taking responsibility for the way i feel is part of the maturing process. it is good. it is good.

so i am learning that there really is grace available to me. grace for myself, that i don't have to be perfect today, nor do i have to have it all figured out, nor do i have to know what the end result of all this will be. i have the most amazing grace. the real grace, that teaches me godliness and brings salvation (see titus 2).

i know this season is about brokenness. the hurts are deep, the humility complete, my strength is gone. but when i reach the end of myself, He is still there. and the same moment i knew that brokenness is the lesson for this season, i knew that the purpose of it is to break up fallow ground, that a new thing can grow - the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. and i know that 2 years from now, the lessons learned now will be priceless.

i wish i could speed along this process, but i know that i need time. and i also have complete confidence in God's perfect timing, which is a new thing for me. i usually think He's wrong. ;-) and so i'm thankful that His goodness is worthy of my trusting Him. and i'm thankful to have the grace to be able to trust Him.

and i'm thankfult that i have eyes to see His providence. i'm thankful for the Holy Spirit He's put in me to speak truth in my inward parts. i'm thankful for the people He's put around me to speak into my life, to remind me of His perfect character, whether they are explicitly telling me in regards to my circumstances, or just proclaiming His goodness in their own lives. (see Ps 40:9-10)

...yet You have brought me to a place of abundance.