i live in a broken world.

pasadena is starting to feel like home, yes, but not completely. it's still very hard some days.

last fall, i got here, went thru a little shock and adjustment, then LOVED it. i love my church, my new friends, being in school (maybe not the classes themselves, except for poverty & development), living in my apartment, living in CA, the new store i work at, all of it.

a little more than 2 months in, reality set in. the honeymoon phase came down with a crash. people have flaws, my classes intensified, i had an enjoyable but not restful thanksgiving with my sister, relationships got hard, and i settled into a groove of just existing, not living the fullest life possible.

so then i pushed through (time-wise), finishing the quarter and trying to get things done before the break.

being in VA was good; busy, but good.

and now i'm back in CA. hoping that all is well again, and being sorely disappointed that all the frustrations i left behind are still here. work is sometimes hard. i don't really know where i fit in at my church. my friends are very different than i and it's hard to communicate effectively with them. there's a certain level of awkward with some of them, and sometimes a one-way admiration. i have to look for a new apartment in 2 months. my bed sucks, but should i get a new one if i'm moving in 2 months? my friends want to visit (yay!) but it's the weekend i've got a "retreat" for a class.

not to mention i still don't know what to "do" with all the homeless people i see around here. one of them, diane, lives at my starbucks. (great name, isn't it?!) usually she's in a jovial mood, tho easily set off to be a foul mood that it's best to give her some space. yesterday she just looked defeated. i don't know what happened, but she wasn't in her usual good mood or her usual bad mood. and i don't know what to say or do or how to help her. i want to respect her and give her dignity, but how?

and in less than an hour, classes start for the quarter. geez.