confessions and heros

i have a confession to make:
i haven't always had the best attitude about or toward "recovery ministry." in fact, i've been downright snobbish and condescending, at least in my heart if not forthright. my thought has been along the lines of "i'm not like those people. they just needed more self-control and discipline from the start. it's their own fault they now need Alcoholic Anonymous (or any other recovery ministry or support group)".

whether or not there is any truth at all to these statements, it's a terrible place for me to be. by saying these things (or thinking them), i'm judging people i don't know and somehow reaching a false conclusion. my attitude suggests that i limit the grace i extend, and i also don't believe i am in need of the same grace.

at some point this summer, in the midst of the craziness, i read an article about people of a certain age having mid-life crises. the circumstances of their lives were pretty terrible, and it compared two groups of those people: those who were alcoholics and had participated in a group like AA, and those who weren't/hadn't. the results were surprising, at least to me. i would have thought that in times that rough, the recovering addicts would go back to their addictions to numb the pain. what actually happened was that they reached out for help. they knew they couldn't face the circumstances by themselves, and AA had taught them that they needed a support system to help them through the rough times. the ones who hadn't been through AA withdrew and didn't reach out for help.

a year or three later, the study caught up with both sets of people. the recovering addicts had more stable and fulfilling lives than their counterparts who thought they could endure independently.

this one article highlighted my own need for community. i couldn't have faced my rough circumstances alone. i had reached the end of myself, the end of my ability to endure, the end of my self-sufficiency. i needed to reach out and ask for help, and i did. it was the first in a series of lessons on community that God has been teaching me.

but at the same time, that was a realization, to me, of the importance and legitimacy of recovery ministries. don't get me wrong, i know they are amazing and have a place, but i didn't see their importance to me at all.


so tonight, i went to a halloween party. i got off work a bit early, so i was able to swing by a friend's place for his party. my friend is a recovering alcoholic and addict. he lives in an apartment connected to a half-way house. it was a small gathering (at least for the few minutes i was there), and all the other guests were also recovering _______s. i gathered that most of them had been sober for a while and were also leaders of AA or NA.

i wasn't able to stay for long, but their conversation astounded me. i realized the tenacity, endurance, and sorrows of their fight. they mentioned a friend who had overdosed and died last week. that's not common in my circle of friends, and yet these friends embraced the news with grace and resolve to keep the same fate from others they know. they mentioned coworkers who were finding the help they needed. i was amazed by the fierceness of the fight they fight everyday for their friends and loved ones. the trials, pains, and temptations they must have endured to 1) need something like AA in the first place; 2) get sober; 3) stay sober; and 4) fight for and alongside others is beyond me. i'm sure i couldn't even get past stage one.

they amazed me, and i am humbled by their endurance and passion. tho i used to think those people were beneath me, i now realize it is quite the other way around. and i am so blessed to know them. they are my new heroes.