heart heavy

i just sent brian off to return his rental car and fly back to the east coast. i will really miss him! i tried my hardest to get him to move out here, and as much as he loved it, i don't think that is happening any time soon.

we stayed up talking until 2am (5am his time!), and it was really good. but it was also quite bittersweet: i really miss having deep heart to hearts that are sprinkled with Truth. i know there are many friends here who would be at my side instantly should something traumatic or big ever happen, but it's the day-to-day-life intimacies that i really miss. and i am certainly really thankful for the other perspective that was shared. i really need that. it was also really good to be told that my feelings are legit, that i'm not crazy, and yes, life does suck sometimes but that doesn't mean it's my "fault". it's good to know there are somethings i can lay down responsibility for. i'm just grateful to be able to have a face-to-face conversation with someone who has known me for longer than 10 months!

and so, as i stare at the mountain of frustrations ahead of me (finding roommates, paying bills, applying for jobs, working on school projects, trying to decide the rest of my future), my heart is heavy. i don't want to go back to reality! i had a lot of fun playing tour guide these last several days!

but the show must go on. *sigh*