stuck.

i feel stuck right now. emotionally i am all over the page, and i just want someone to affirm that i'm not crazy (but i know i'm waaay over-reacting). and i don't feel like i can be open here, either, because my friend will criticize me for being too open with the whole world. which may be true, too, but so far, to my knowledge, no one has ever used what i've written here against me. or if they have, it hasn't gotten back to me.

so some really benign things have happened that leave me doubting myself and feeling worthless. it really is dumb stuff, but it's all hit a nerve. i absolutely hate when people back out on plans (even if for completely legitimate or unforeseeable reasons). i absolutely hate being kept in the dark (even when unintentional) when it changes my own plans and preparation. these situations make me feel like i'm not important, that i'm not worth keeping in the loop, that i don't matter as much as other people.

and since i'm already feeling lonely and without a "group" here, these feelings just compound that. it really sucks. though i'm also sure that if i weren't complaining about this, i'd find plenty else to complain about. it all pisses me off, and i'm hurt.

because of my hurt and frustration, i'm less likely to step out again to make plans.

so to those of you who keep your word, who make plans and follow through, i thank you. i do appreciate it.