week 6

i'm frustrated at the moment at the time zone difference. i was SO excited to talk to shannon last nite, even tho we didn't end our conversation until 130am her time. that's a bit late! adn right now, i'd love to talk to someone out there, but it's already 1130pm, too late to call. (but if you live on the east coast, feel free to call me!)

hanne is coming home with me for Christmas!!!! i'm SO EXCITED!!! she is one of my norwegian friends and i'm so glad she is coming! well, it isn't definite yet, as she hasn't gotten her plane ticket, but it should work out. woohooooooo! i'll be home for about 2.5 weeks, and she'll be there for probably a week. so you all in VA will still see plenty of me!

my "intensive" is almost over. tomorrow is our last class. i still have to write my final paper, but i think it's gonna work out, as long as my topic gets approved. it's been good, but crazy. i won't ever take an intensive on top of 2 regular classes AND work. if i have to do another intensive, i definitely won't work at the same time. physically, i had enough time, but emotionally i was completely exhausted. i still need to figure that one out... i ended up going running, which was a good thing, but i just about had a panic attack before that.

so the class was full of really great material. but i still can't get over that it's not just head knowledge, it affects my heart, too. some of it breaks my heart, some of it challenges me, some of it i need to chew on for a while, and some of it is just overwhelming. there were points i literally could not take in any more information. i cried several times. and i cannot thank God enough for the graces and gifts He has given me.

this has to be one of the best environments for me. i am loving it. i get to recreate myself, in a way. all of the things that i've learned throughout my life, i get to be them now. i get to use everything up to this point as the foundation for what i'm learning now. the only analogies i can think of aren't so useful and break down pretty quickly, so i'll spare you, but it's good. some of the lessons that have been SO hard for me to learn, that i was finally starting to grasp before i left VA, i get to take them as basic truths now. i live out of that reality, i don't have to fight for it to be reality.

prayer this morning was awesome. i haven't been in a situation like that, the way it played out, for a long time. i really really enjoyed it. it was a great lesson for me. God is so good! He spoke to my heart in a few concrete ways, and that was really neat. there's a verse that He gave me while i was in college that i wanted to be true, but i couldn't believe it. it came up again while i was in boot camp, but i still didn't get it, even then. and today it came to mind, and it's true! i'm sure i don't get the fullness of it, but it's still pretty awesome.

there has been something i've been pondering and wrestling with for a few weeks now, and last nite, i decided to give a piece of it up. not the whole thing, mind you, but it just doesn't fit with the future i know God is calling me to. this morning in prayer, one of the guys said that he felt like God was saying that He's proud of us for living our lives in service to Him, and proud of us for making decisions based on that fact. so it was direct confirmation for my heart to give it up. i'm not entirely there, but i KNOW that God only has good for me, and if i give this up, i'm making room for more of His goodness in other ways.

on the flip side, i'm still wrestling with something else that i don't like and i haven't figured it out. and i don't know if i ever will figure it out, but i know i need to let God work things out in my heart. that's hard!

i love how things are coming together here. there's stuff in all 3 of my classes that's relevant in the other 2. there are people that i have multiple connections with (he's in my class, he's your roommate, and she works with him - wow! that's a lot of connections!) it's fun.

i've had 2 "small world" experiences with the same girl! she's from texas, her best friend from high school married the guy that lived across the street from me in high school. then she (my friend here) was in spain for a while, in the same city as my friend who studied there, the friend that i visited on my trip around europe. craziness, huh??? i LOVE it.

generosity of self. that's the name i'm giving something i've been thinking about. i kind of don't like that i'm overstimulated, multi-tasking, constantly busy. sometimes i like it (i don't get as bored), but it's not honest, in one way. when i'm with someone, i want to be ALL there. and when i'm studying, i need to be ALL there. but mostly it has to do with interacting with people. i'm not there, but i'm just starting to think about this. i want to be generous with my whole self. i'm kind of scared that i'm writing this here bc i don't know what i'm saying just yet. scary!

that's my ramblings for today. thanks for tuning in!